Ex Vanished.. Update.

[nineyearsgone79]

Hey Guys! It's been a long time since i have posted.. years I believe. I'm doing well.. it's been around 5.5 years since the breakup of my 9 year relationship. He was my first love.. we were out of college a few years trying to figure out career & direction etc and had to go long distance for some time. He broke up with me via email and told me not to contact him ever.. that he had decided to move on. I found out eventually via reading twitter he was seeing someone new days after our breakup.. aka his sister in law.. they are still dating I hear. Anyway a year ago I got engaged and me and my man bought a house together.. it took a long long long time to stop thinking about the first guy daily. I'm in a great place now with my soon to be husband and am very happy. He's been away for a few days with work and I was just home alone and thought about that old ex and just thought ... it's such a shame he never had wanted to even be friends or anything. It's just sad. Does anyone ever think back to someone they were with for many years and just think to themselves what the heck.. someone in your life daily and then one day poof gone.. they make themselves dead to you. He changed his number deleted me on facebook and myspace and blocked me on instagram. What was worse than the breakup was the alienation. I never cheated or did anything to give him reason to be horrible to me. Why do people feel the need to run away in a heartless way.. he never faced me. Anyway.. dumb to have that in my head tonight but just had his old memory creep in. :/ I'm glad to have found an amazing man.. but I just feel like that ex robbed me emotionally.

[TaraMaiden2]

he didn't rob you.

You abdicated ownership of your emotions.

You gave too much of yourself away.

 

people cannot take anything away from us that we are not willing to let go of...

 

Sounds like there's still a pang there...

 

Do you have a good, sound, deep and intense connection with your BF now?

Is it complete?

[Ruby65]

Sweetie, the reason he blocked you is because he was cheating with his sister-in-law and he was hiding it from you.

 

That's the only reason he didn't want to face you or stay in touch. It wasn't because of you or anything you did.

 

He just didn't want to have to answer to you for his deplorable behavior.

[nineyearsgone79]

Hi Tara, Yes, he did rob me. When I say he robbed me I mean he robbed me of my opportunity to express my thoughts to him back then. He completely blocked me and I did not have an opportunity in any way to respond to his short curt email... he did not give me any sort of explanation. It was 3 sentences and just told me he was moving on.

 

Yes, I do have a great connection with my fiancé. He is the complete opposite of my first bf personality wise. After the bf left my future fiancé came along. He had emailed me on myspace.. he had gone to my same high school. I never knew him but somehow remembered my name 12 years after I had graduated. After months of online chat I found out he had gone through a similar long distance situation except she cheated on him and got pregnant. Anyway, he's the most sweet, kind, and loving man. Unlike the bf relationship who I fell for right when I met him.. the love I have for my fiancé slowly grew over time.

 

For some time after the dumping my heart was walled off and it was hard for me to feel love towards someone.. but over time it has grown and grown and grown.. it is still growing everyday.

 

Why do you think it is so weird to once in a while look back on your life and wonder how someone is? This is not a daily thing.. just once in a while he does pop in my head. First I feel like .. man it would have been so nice to have stayed friends in some manner. I think he would have been happy I found that special person. Then I think oh but wait the person I knew turned into a monster.. and it makes me a little sad knowing someone that had been such a key person in my life for so long became a despicable human being. Anyway.. having an amazing connection with someone else and finding love doesn't mean you get amnesia to past trauma. Your thoughts?

[nineyearsgone79]

Thank you Ruby! Yeah.. it took me months to put that one together. He made me feel like it was me.. and I beat myself up for months going through every conversation mentally to try to put together what did I do wrong.

Edited May 21, 2015 by nineyearsgone79

[aloneinaz]

I think it's perfectly natural to occasionally think about an ex, especially your first real love. We seem to think about people who rejected us more than people we reject, whether they are friends or lovers.

 

People can be butt heads. He was obviously cheating on you and took the easy way out to avoid hearing back from you about his actions. Many people are like that. I wouldn't take it personal at all.

 

I only have one past relationship where I didn't end it. I did get to say no thanks when she had dumpers remorse and came back 6 months later. There are many things I still miss about her though I'm very happy in my new relationship. What keeps me grounded is that I have no emotions nor hurt from her or toward hers. I can CLEARLY think about her and say "thank goodness" I'm not still with her as my life would suck.

 

When you look back at past relationships, there's always specific things you liked or miss about that particular ex. For me being a guy, it's usually sexual in nature. Yea, I know..

 

Glad to hear you're doing well and hopefully the freshly dumped will get that everyone heals and moves on to happiness.

[MLP11]

Hi Tara, Yes, he did rob me. When I say he robbed me I mean he robbed me of my opportunity to express my thoughts to him back then. He completely blocked me and I did not have an opportunity in any way to respond to his short curt email... he did not give me any sort of explanation. It was 3 sentences and just told me he was moving on.

 

Yes, I do have a great connection with my fiancé. He is the complete opposite of my first bf personality wise. After the bf left my future fiancé came along. He had emailed me on myspace.. he had gone to my same high school. I never knew him but somehow remembered my name 12 years after I had graduated. After months of online chat I found out he had gone through a similar long distance situation except she cheated on him and got pregnant. Anyway, he's the most sweet, kind, and loving man. Unlike the bf relationship who I fell for right when I met him.. the love I have for my fiancé slowly grew over time.

 

For some time after the dumping my heart was walled off and it was hard for me to feel love towards someone.. but over time it has grown and grown and grown.. it is still growing everyday.

 

Why do you think it is so weird to once in a while look back on your life and wonder how someone is? This is not a daily thing.. just once in a while he does pop in my head. First I feel like .. man it would have been so nice to have stayed friends in some manner. I think he would have been happy I found that special person. Then I think oh but wait the person I knew turned into a monster.. and it makes me a little sad knowing someone that had been such a key person in my life for so long became a despicable human being. Anyway.. having an amazing connection with someone else and finding love doesn't mean you get amnesia to past trauma. Your thoughts?

 

I think it all depends on how the relationship ends. Does it really matter what he's up to if he did something like that to hurt you?

I personally cut all ties, ex them out of my life completely especially if it ends badly. I think it starts the healing process sooner and you can move on. Who needs those reminders years later? Just my opinion though

[BC1980]

I think it's normal to wonder about the person. You were with him for a long time, and he dumped you in a cruel manner. You don't forget stuff like that. I know a lot of people who have moved on with new relationships, and, years later, they still wonder what happened to that person they dated for so long. My aunt, who has been married 30 years to her husband, said she has wondered what happened to her first love who dumped her after 6 years together. She said she may not even be able to recognize him and doesn't have good feelings for him, but she still wonders every now and then.

 

When you think about it, you had a close intimacy with someone for years, and, one day, it's just over. It takes a long time to process that, and, for me, it brought up a lot of other questions. I started questioning relationships in general. But yeah, it's bizarre for me when I see my ex at work because we are complete strangers. Yet at one point in time, he was the person I was closest to in life. The feeling is not really something I can articulate.

[Tone Loc]

I did the same thing. Sometimes you just have to get ghost and disappear without leaving any residual trace. He did tell you that he was cutting contact and he told you not to contact him again, it's not as if he disappeared without telling you. He did you a massive favour, he's a stranger to you now and you are better off without him. You're soon to be a married woman now and you're much better off, you don't need to waste a single second of your life thinking about some deadbeat ex. He chose to exit your life, good riddance.

 

It can be hard for people to understand why their partner would choose to leave and cut all contact. It's often construed as a heartless, evil act but that doesn't tell the whole story. As I said, I've had to do the same thing. People do this to move on, to recover, to heal, to move forward with their lives. It's best for him and it's best for you. It's a win-win situation because he's free to move on and get on with his life, and you rid yourself of a useless burden and allowed yourself to move forward and find a better man. Don't waste any more time thinking about the past, it's ancient history now. He probably doesn't even remember you. Don't hold onto any feelings of resentment or disappointment, you should be happy to be rid of him.

Edited May 21, 2015 by Tone Loc

[JollyDays]

Umm...what are you missing in your ex? Let's see. He dumped you through email because he wasn't man enough to deal with you one-on-one. He was apparently cheating on you before the breakup, and then, according to you, you met the man of your dreams and you are in the process of getting married and buying a home.

 

 

All he did was do you a favor.

 

 

Sometimes, it's not about what the dumpee did wrong but what's wrong psychologically with the dumper. You can't fix his mind, so just forget about him. A good start would be to remember how he dumped you so heartlessly for someone else. Take care.

[loveweary11]

Because he was a spineless coward, just like my ex.

 

Hey Guys! It's been a long time since i have posted.. years I believe. I'm doing well.. it's been around 5.5 years since the breakup of my 9 year relationship. He was my first love.. we were out of college a few years trying to figure out career & direction etc and had to go long distance for some time. He broke up with me via email and told me not to contact him ever.. that he had decided to move on. I found out eventually via reading twitter he was seeing someone new days after our breakup.. aka his sister in law.. they are still dating I hear. Anyway a year ago I got engaged and me and my man bought a house together.. it took a long long long time to stop thinking about the first guy daily. I'm in a great place now with my soon to be husband and am very happy. He's been away for a few days with work and I was just home alone and thought about that old ex and just thought ... it's such a shame he never had wanted to even be friends or anything. It's just sad. Does anyone ever think back to someone they were with for many years and just think to themselves what the heck.. someone in your life daily and then one day poof gone.. they make themselves dead to you. He changed his number deleted me on facebook and myspace and blocked me on instagram. What was worse than the breakup was the alienation. I never cheated or did anything to give him reason to be horrible to me. Why do people feel the need to run away in a heartless way.. he never faced me. Anyway.. dumb to have that in my head tonight but just had his old memory creep in. :/ I'm glad to have found an amazing man.. but I just feel like that ex robbed me emotionally.