Running from my EX on the street!

[RedButton]

Not really, but I feel like it sometimes.

 

I've now seen my ex very closeby to my home twice now, both times I'm not sure if she saw me or not, but I've always avoided her and gone in another direction or made an effort not to make eye contact. I don't know if she's seen me and is doing the same or missed me both times.

 

It's giving me really bad anxiety for some reason, and it really upsets me.

 

I feel like I should be moving on, I haven't made contact in over 6 months. That also might be why it feels so jarring? To just see her pop up like that out of the blue?

 

I'm really upset at the idea of seeing her with a new boyfriend or something. Having said that, the first time I saw her I was with my new girlfriend on a date, although things will be ending with her soon due to her moving away. This could be part of it? Feeling sad I'm going to be no longer seeing this great new girl and suddenly seeing my Ex again too?

 

I feel like I'm moving on with life well, as I said I found a great new woman, have been feeling good about other parts of my life, but when I see her I feel like I'm having a panic attack.

 

Should I go up to her next time and say hi, tear off the bandage if you will? Should I keep avoiding until she says something? Send a text to say hello?

 

I don't want to make contact, but I feel like it's inevitable we'll bump into eachother. I don't know if she's moved here (which she talked about during our relationship) or if she's dating someone who also lives in the area.

 

It makes me feel sick, I hope you can give me some advice.

[aloneinaz]

My two cents-

 

I would not go up to her but treat her like a stranger. If you're cornered, be cordial but say you're in a hurry and keep moving.

 

You clearly no where near over her to have an anxiety reaction from seeing her. I don't know your story but would assume she ended it. If so, there's no reason to engage in conversation.

 

Keep moving on w/your life. It's good that your dating but sucks your new girl is moving. Just remember, there's millions out there to take both their places.

[RedButton]

Thanks for the input Aloneinaz.

 

You think I should just straight up ignore her? I keep reading that I should say hello, but I don't know right now.

 

I feel like I would feel better to just go up and say 'Hi, nice to see you' and it might help me move on somehow?

 

I'm feeling better today, seeing my new girlfriend tonight and trying to ignore it, but I just have this horrible feeling in my gut that I'll have to see my Ex around everywhere. Maybe it actually won't be so bad, but I've been in 'No contact' mode so long I'm dreading it? I tried so hard to avoid contacting her all this time too

[aloneinaz]

Thanks for the input Aloneinaz.

 

You think I should just straight up ignore her?

 

Yup, it's exactly what you should do. She ended it and said she doesn't want you in her life. You're not hearing from her as she's moved on. Why make an effort to say high to her? If your boss fired you, would you make an effort to go say hi to him on the street?

 

Look, you're still not healed from that relationship. Give yourself more time. Going up and saying hello won't make you feel any better than texting her to do the same. What is she's very cold to you? That would hurt. The point on NC is to help you heal and move on. I avoided anywhere I could possibly run into my ex until I felt better. Like you, I moved onto another woman who I'm with today. Now, I could run into my ex making out with a hot guy and I could care less.

 

Your ex is in all intensive purposes dead to you. Leave her there to heal

[Tone Loc]

For the love of God, whatever you do, please don't ever contact her, text her, or make conversation with her. You can't handle what she has to say to you, it will most likely destroy you and set you back to square one. Do you really want to lose 6 months worth of progress and recovery? Seriously, don't do it, you'll only be torturing yourself. If you bump into her, do not make eye contact. Don't run away, keep walking but pretend she doesn't exist. Blank her completely, even if she looks at you or talks to you, ignore her completely. Don't look at her, don't talk to her, don't text her. If you make any form of contact with her, you risk losing all your progress and you'll end up miserable and depressed, it'll feel the same as when you broke up. Please don't do this to yourself! She's your ex for a reason. Keep it that way. Zero contact, she's out of your life for good. There are plenty of other girls for you out there. Take my advice and make sure you do not contact her, no matter how strong the urge gets.

[RedButton]

I spent last night with the new girl I've been seeing and it really made my re-think things. Why should I be upset when I've met someone new who's so wonderful? Even though we have to part ways, it means I can find someone else.

 

How selfish and silly is it to be feeling miserable about the past when I have someone so amazing in the present?

 

Of course there will still be lingering feelings, but I feel like I can be more positive about the future and seeing her around if I do again. I should be able to move on, things were great but it's in the past now.

 

I won't go out of my way to say hello, but if I get cornered I'll just say a quick 'Hi, nice to see you again' and carry on with my life. Easier said than done, but I hope I'll be able to keep this mindset

[aloneinaz]

I spent last night with the new girl I've been seeing and it really made my re-think things. Why should I be upset when I've met someone new who's so wonderful? Even though we have to part ways, it means I can find someone else.

 

How selfish and silly is it to be feeling miserable about the past when I have someone so amazing in the present?

 

Of course there will still be lingering feelings, but I feel like I can be more positive about the future and seeing her around if I do again. I should be able to move on, things were great but it's in the past now.

 

I won't go out of my way to say hello, but if I get cornered I'll just say a quick 'Hi, nice to see you again' and carry on with my life. Easier said than done, but I hope I'll be able to keep this mindset

 

I like all your thinking here. It's absolutely normal to see have feelings from your last love. You don't get over them overnight. It takes time. I'm two years post break up with a nightmare ex GF. She probably had Borderline Personality Disorder. When she was sweet and nice, it was like a drug.. I still think about her and miss certain things but it's normal. She came back to me for another chance 6 months after she dumped me and was told NO. I'm in a heathly, loving relationship that is drama free now. I'm so much happier and in love. It doesn't mean we don't think of ex's. I still think about previous ex's as well. It's normal. The big difference is you'll reach a point where I'm at. I could see my last ex making out with a hunk in a bar and care less. I'd be happy she's happy. You'll reach that point too.

[erklat]

Tone loc gave you excellent advice and its exactly how I'd do it.

 

Avoid all forms of contact like a plague. You don't acknowledge her if she's

even in front of you.

[RedButton]

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm feeling better about the situation now.

 

I actually just got home from doing the shopping, and saw her across the street. She was in a group with guys and girls, didn't see each other.

 

Now that I'm 'prepared' for the fact that she's obviously living or seeing someone around here or something like that, I'm feeling more able to process it.

 

I'm surprised at so many people advising me to avoid her so actively, is it really so bad to just say 'Hi, nice to see you, you look well' and then go seperate ways? It just feels childish to me to actively keep avoiding her at this point.

 

Again, she didn't do anything horrible to me, she didn't cheat on me or treat me badly, we just didn't work out. I would feel cruel to treat her like she did something horrible.

[Tone Loc]

Thanks for the advice guys. I'm feeling better about the situation now.

 

I actually just got home from doing the shopping, and saw her across the street. She was in a group with guys and girls, didn't see each other.

 

Now that I'm 'prepared' for the fact that she's obviously living or seeing someone around here or something like that, I'm feeling more able to process it.

 

I'm surprised at so many people advising me to avoid her so actively, is it really so bad to just say 'Hi, nice to see you, you look well' and then go seperate ways? It just feels childish to me to actively keep avoiding her at this point.

 

Again, she didn't do anything horrible to me, she didn't cheat on me or treat me badly, we just didn't work out. I would feel cruel to treat her like she did something horrible.

 

If you really want to talk to her, then it's your funeral. You're clearly not over her, you're still thinking about her, you still have feelings for her and she's always on your mind. You're not READY to talk to her yet, you can't handle what she has to say to you. What if she starts going on about a new boyfriend and what an amazing time she's having? If you really want to talk to her and exchange pleasantries, then you need to wait until you're fully, completely and utterly healed and completely moved on which clearly you still aren't. You don't see her as a stranger or as a distant memory yet, clearly you're still thinking about her and it's causing you a lot of trouble. Any contact with her now can potentially set you back and destroy you, you're doing much better than before so do you really want to risk setting yourself back?

 

And yes, it's a terrible idea to tell her it's nice to see her and she looks nice!! Very bad idea! If she absolutely corners you and forces you beyond your will and control to talk to her, then a simple "hi, sorry but I have to get going, I'm running an errand" will suffice, but only if she absolutely corners you and blocks your path. Otherwise, avoid avoid avoid! Do your very best to avoid any contact or conversation, do the best you can. Don't ask her any questions or allow her to share details about her life because it will devastate you, you're not ready for contact yet. Because you haven't moved on completely. You've made good progress but your journey is not yet complete. It's not childish at all for you to avoid her, nor is it cruel. You've already got a lot on your mind and she's occupying your thoughts, do you really want to add to that? Ignorance is bliss, what you don't know cannot hurt you. So what if she's sleeping with other men, it's her business, but you don't want to find out about it believe me. She's far ahead of you in terms of having moved on, while you're still going through your journey. One day, you'll wake up and she won't be the first thing you think about.

Edited May 23, 2015 by Tone Loc

[erklat]

For me completely avoiding her and not acknowledging her is a matter of

growing a backbone.

 

Yeah. She did nothing to you except dumping you to be with someone else.

 

After relationship you're not degraded to friends or acquaintance. You 're a

failed romantic partner. There is nothing beyond.

[RedButton]

She's far ahead of you in terms of having moved on, while you're still going through your journey. One day, you'll wake up and she won't be the first thing you think about.

 

I'm not thinking of her first thing when I wake up though, recently I've been thinking about her because she popped back up into my life unexpectedly, but until then she wasn't dominating my thoughts at all, which is what made it so jarring to see her again.

 

I see your point though, I won't go out of my way to say hello.

 

 

 

For me completely avoiding her and not acknowledging her is a matter of

growing a backbone.

 

Yeah. She did nothing to you except dumping you to be with someone else.

 

After relationship you're not degraded to friends or acquaintance. You 're a

failed romantic partner. There is nothing beyond.

 

I feel like you're getting the wrong idea here

She didn't dump me to run off with another guy.

[privategal]

She didn't pop back into YOUR life...shes living HER life close to where you live. Kudos you haven't contacted her.

I think if she were mature knowing where you live and that she would be in close proximity, she would reach out to clear yhe air...and thats HER responsibility...she ended...so she has to contact.

I think its building your self esteem and helping you move on to see her and not try to talk or be seen back. You should be so proud and hold your head high its a growth experience.

Just cause u miss someone doesn't mean they're right for u.

It's just sentiment.

You keep making friends and plans and date...your doing so great! Id treat her as a ghost really.

You owe nothing here.

[RedButton]

She didn't pop back into YOUR life...shes living HER life close to where you live. Kudos you haven't contacted her.

I think if she were mature knowing where you live and that she would be in close proximity, she would reach out to clear yhe air...and thats HER responsibility...she ended...so she has to contact.

I think its building your self esteem and helping you move on to see her and not try to talk or be seen back. You should be so proud and hold your head high its a growth experience.

Just cause u miss someone doesn't mean they're right for u.

It's just sentiment.

You keep making friends and plans and date...your doing so great! Id treat her as a ghost really.

You owe nothing here.

 

 

Thanks for the kind words, I feel as if I had been doing really well and this felt like such a set back. I think a big part of it is that my new girl friend is going to be leaving soon, we really worked well together.

 

It's an interesting point you made though, the onus should be on her to make contact, not just as the one who initiated the breakup but also because she knew this is where I live and hang out. It's not me moving to her area, it's the other way around. I wonder if she legitimately hasn't seen me yet, but I find that hard to believe. Maybe she's as shy as I am or reluctant too?

[RedButton]

Following up, I'm feeling a bit **** this morning. I think it's because I realised I no longer feel at ease walking my own streets anymore. I keep thinking I'm going to bump into her or something, which is really annoying me.

 

I think I'm more upset about my current girl having to leave this weekend, and seeing my ex just makes me think of being alone or breaking up even more so.

 

Deep down I know I don't have a reason to be upset, but I can't quite help this weird feeling.

 

I still don't know what to do. I feel like talking to her would at least make things less awkward, but I also feel like it would send me back to feeling miserable.

 

Someone said on this forum a long while back that Exes seem to have a habit of showing up when you least want them to, well it's come true for me. Right when I need to end things with my current relationship and right in my own home. Ugh...

[RedButton]

Sorry for the triple post, but last night I was feeling like absolute rubbish. I had a good nights sleep and this morning I was feeling more confident again.

 

I don't know how I'll handle it, but if/when I see her again, I plan to just walk right by, if she sees me I'll give a quick 'Hey L, Nice to see you' and keep walking. If I need to, I can just say "Hi, haven't seen you in a while. I won't keep you, I need to get going anyway".

 

It's just annoying having to anticipate it on a daily basis now, but screw it. I'll live through this, I've already met someone new and I can do it again. I won't let it ruin my time. I'm sure I'll have relapses into sadness, but I'll just get over it again.

[Tone Loc]

Why are you so determined to talk to her? I don't understand why you'd do this to yourself. Small pleasantries open the door for a conversation, and you can't handle what she has to say to you. You're not ready for that. Why can't you flat out ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist? If you bump into her, I mean. This girl left you for someone else, right? Or am I remembering it wrong?

[RedButton]

Why are you so determined to talk to her? I don't understand why you'd do this to yourself. Small pleasantries open the door for a conversation, and you can't handle what she has to say to you. You're not ready for that. Why can't you flat out ignore her and pretend she doesn't exist? If you bump into her, I mean. This girl left you for someone else, right? Or am I remembering it wrong?

 

You are remembering that completely wrong, she did not leave me for someone else.

 

Either way I think you read that wrong. I meant to imply that if I see her I won't engage in contact, but if we walk right by each other, and she clearly sees me I'll just give a quick hello and keep walking.

 

The other option is for me to pretend I didn't see her which would make me feel bad since I'd feel like I'm 'running' from her and she'd know it.

[RedButton]

I feel completely at the end of my tether today, at the same time I don't feel sad so much as just completely and utterly exhausted. I just want to to quit, but I'm determined to keep going.

 

So after a very hectic two days, my new girlfriend has left, and I may never see her again. Thankfully the last two days were wonderful despite how crazy they were.

 

We are going to keep in touch, and I can take this one easier as I was prepared for it, and it's just circumstance keeping us apart. I am thankful for having met her and the time spent together. At the same time it's just hard and taking it all in now has really taken a toll on me.

 

To make matters worse, after weeks of expecting to see my Ex and never running into her, last night, the same day my new girlfriend left, at midnight of all times, I walked right by her on the street. Of course I wouldn't see her when I'm feeling confident and great, I ran into her at the time I least expected it, and feeling at my worst.

 

I walked by without making eye contact. I got to the end of my street and turned around, wondering if I should just walk back and say hello. I'm tired of this charade. We know eachother, we used to love eachother, I can't understand this notion of pretending we don't even see eachother any more, not even acknowledging her existence. I stood around wondering if I should go back, but when I finally turned around and walked back she was gone.

 

I think I saw her across the street with her new boyfriend, but I couldn't be sure. Either way I felt nothing, I don't even care and I'm not worried, I was just so utterly tired and exhausted and didn't have room for more misery. I was more upset about my new girlfriend leaving.

 

I feel I'm making progress, even if it's only because I've had my fill of being sad about it. I still don't know what to do, but I just feel so, so stupid in this act of treating eachother like strangers.

 

I don't know what to do. I'm thinking I'll try to work from home tomorrow if I can, because I'm not in a good place right now. Above it all, I'm determined to keep going, no matter how much I feel like just throwing in the towel and giving up right now.

[RedButton]

Well, I finally did it, talked to her today.

 

I was getting the bus back home, and saw her out the window. I figured I need to do something because I'm seeing her ALL THE TIME now.

 

I got off a stop early and started walking to where she was coming from. We both smiled and waved, and had a quick chat. She said she was wondering when she'd bump into me, she's moved into the street next to mine (literally on the corner pretty much) with a friend of hers (who was a really nice girl). Apparently the friend still asks about me from time to time. She also apologised for not dropping me a line before she moved into my neighborhood.

 

She took my number down and said we should meet for coffee sometime. I told her I might be leaving the country soonish, so it would be nice to see her again before I have to leave.

 

I feel less awkward about running into her/seeing her now at least. I'm sure I'll probably start feeling down later or something, but for now I'm glad it happened, I was sick of running away.

[RedButton]

Having had a day to let it sink in, she's been on my mind an awful lot. I'm not sure how to handle this though. She lives around the corner from me now, so I'm going to be seeing her all the time, and there's nothing I can really do about it.

 

It was easier when I had control. I think it's just taking me time to sink in, but I'm just kind of unsure how to proceed. I think I should be okay to have coffee with her if she asks, if only so we can try to be neighbours without it having to be awkward. I already feel much better that we don't have to look the other way when walking past each other anymore.

 

It's poor timing too I guess, considering my latest girlfriend left only a week ago and we are in contact but no longer 'together'.