What am I doing? Is this coping?

[brokengirl85]

I almost 2 months post breakup. The other day I caved in and cheques if he was still alive on the Internet (just checked, I didn't constant him at all) so I guess I lost my progress and I'm again at 1 week no contact? Haven't talked to him in almost 2 months though, because I blocked him everywhere possible

 

Thing is I'm still very sad. I miss him terrible and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my thoughts race thinking about all what had happened, it's extenuating.

 

Another thing is that I signed up in three dating sites that I obsessively check but end talking with no one. I don't like anyone and the ones I do like don't like me. It's extenuating as well. However, I keep visiting that dating sites all the time. What the hell am I doing??

 

I still see no light at the end of the tunnel. I know I should start working out but I'm so sad that it's difficult to start.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Yup, that's coping. The beginning stages where you're trying to find the ground beneath your feet. It'll get easier and harder later on, and you'll eventually have a plan.

 

I know I should start working out but I'm so sad that it's difficult to start.

 

It's difficult to start a workout plan regardless of if you're sad or not. Starting and keeping a schedule is the hardest part. Get into a routine and stick with it for about 2 or 3 months, by then if you miss a day it will feel weird and you will look forward to getting back to the gym. Working out also causes your body to produce a lot of chemicals that make you feel good so you won't be sad. Good luck.

[NopeNah]

The dating scene is not for you at this time. You're trying to fix the puzzle with a piece from another puzzle.. it doesn't fit.

[Foodjunkie79]

You need a distraction. Dating sites are just reminding you what you had previously and consequently your dwelling on the past. No contact is good going for 2 months.....keep it up.

[brokengirl85]

Today I was messaging with some guy. I asked him if he met someone lately. He replied this (crazy!)

That he is in an open relationship with his wife. That he spoke with 6 women this week and met with 4 of them but nothing more. That, however, he's being "cultivating" (exactly his words!) a FWB type of thing with another woman. Then, he proceeded to ask me if I wanted to grab a coffee with him.

 

I'm cracking up right now so loud!

[Plaster]

I'm in the same boat with the dating sites. It's like trying to scratch an itch you can't reach.. Keeps you occupied but doesn't relive you. I guess I just like the company.

 

Seriously though, start exercising. Just join the gym, sign up to some classes. It's what has kept me going in these dark weeks. Youl feel good and it will make you look great after a while too.

 

I'm yet to see the light at the end if the tunnel too but It will be there.

 

Stay strong

[RedButton]

Dating sites aren't good when you're this fresh out of a relationship. You'll want to, but I think it's best to give it some time first. I didn't start dating again until four or five months after the breakup and I felt I wasn't looking to 'replace' my ex.

 

Online dating can also expose you to some toxic people as well as genuine good ones, when you're upset you'll focus only on the bad, which makes the experience all that much worse.

 

Do yourself a favor and don't check if they are 'alive' online. I made that mistake and it hurts. When you get the urge, simply make a concious decision to do something else. Regardless what it is. Read a book, clean up, watch a youtube video, do a hand-stand, anything other than contact or check on them.

[Justm3x]

I did the same as you.. signed up to a dating site and thought this was the answer... it wasnt, made me feel worse.

 

For me its been 14 months since we broke up, i still think about him everyday and it hurts even though i ended it, i miss him like crazy even though he was an absolute a***hole to me, but i did play my part.

 

I did the only thing that could help me.. i change my mobil/cellphone number, changed my email address, closed down all my online activities so i knew there was no way he could check up on me, which he did, often. I know now there is no way he can contact me, ive covered every angle, i now dont spend everyday waiting and wishing for that text or email

 

You need to be strong, its hard, god knows i know how hard it is... but you will get over it eventually.. everyday is getting easier, i still have a wobble every now and again, but im not ready for dating yet and thats 14 months on....

[brokengirl85]

Blah...today really nothing matters. I've stopped the obsessive thinking. I just want to sleep and eat and watch stupid YouTube videos. Not even talking to people on dating sites is fun anymore. I think I'm going into the depression phase right now. Too tired to even try to get better at this point.

[RedButton]

Blah...today really nothing matters. I've stopped the obsessive thinking. I just want to sleep and eat and watch stupid YouTube videos. Not even talking to people on dating sites is fun anymore. I think I'm going into the depression phase right now. Too tired to even try to get better at this point.

 

Just take a weekend or a day to just chill the f*** out and do nothing.

 

Hell, last Saturday I went to the store early in the morning to buy my food for the week, then just watched TV, played video games and read comic books for a day.

 

I felt great!

 

The next day I worked out in the morning, went out in the afternoon, then Monday was back to normal.

 

Sometimes it's great to just 'take' a day to do something like that and enjoy yourself. I recommend either a beer and pizza or a coffee and chocolate, depending on your preference.

[i am gutted]

I almost 2 months post breakup. The other day I caved in and cheques if he was still alive on the Internet (just checked, I didn't constant him at all) so I guess I lost my progress and I'm again at 1 week no contact? Haven't talked to him in almost 2 months though, because I blocked him everywhere possible

 

Thing is I'm still very sad. I miss him terrible and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my thoughts race thinking about all what had happened, it's extenuating.

it is sad, the nights can be long cant they. I know exactly what you mean.

 

Another thing is that I signed up in three dating sites that I obsessively check but end talking with no one. I don't like anyone and the ones I do like don't like me. It's extenuating as well. However, I keep visiting that dating sites all the time. What the hell am I doing??

you are doing exactly what I have done - looking for him on the sites, so if you can, do what I did yesterday and get rid of them. I had enough of my heart racing when I got a notification from someone and wondering if it was him. Its not worth it - bloody hard to do but just so not worth the pain.

 

I still see no light at the end of the tunnel. I know I should start working out but I'm so sad that it's difficult to start.

 

 

I am 3 months into separation and the light is slowly starting to appear. Not a lot but better than before. I should be working out too but like you - too hard at the moment......its the lack of motivation to do so.

 

 

Hope you have a better day today, delete the profiles on the dating sites, it will be one less worry for you.

 

 

x

[HowMightI-live]

I almost 2 months post breakup. The other day I caved in and cheques if he was still alive on the Internet (just checked, I didn't constant him at all) so I guess I lost my progress and I'm again at 1 week no contact? Haven't talked to him in almost 2 months though, because I blocked him everywhere possible

 

Thing is I'm still very sad. I miss him terrible and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my thoughts race thinking about all what had happened, it's extenuating.

 

Another thing is that I signed up in three dating sites that I obsessively check but end talking with no one. I don't like anyone and the ones I do like don't like me. It's extenuating as well. However, I keep visiting that dating sites all the time. What the hell am I doing??

 

I still see no light at the end of the tunnel. I know I should start working out but I'm so sad that it's difficult to start.

 

 

Me and my ex broke up twice and both times i did this. Filled my time and lost in searching for someone else on dating sites, knowing she was the exact reason i was doing it. I wasnt over her. The first time she dumped me, i immediately joined countless dating sites. I spent days on in consumed with the idea of proving her wrong; that i could and would find someone else. I met someone on POF and even hung out with her a couple of times but it never went further. We would hangout and she would make advances, would touch my hair and hand and everytime i froze up. I wasnt ready and it didnt feel right. It wasnt until months and months later that i found myself actually over my ex that i could entertain the possibiity of being with someone else. There was a girl i had come to like and we would hangout and got to know one another; it was natural ad felt right. It didnt feel like i was just with her to prove something or with her to suppress the pain of loss, i was with her because i liked her. I would rarely thing about my ex. I stopped caring about who she was with or what she was doing because i was actually happy. But i did make the mistake of taking her back a year later. I thought things could be different, i thought she was different and i was different and we would be different, but we werent. When she dumped me (again) i joined another dating site (again) right away. But ended up deleting it a month or two later. Im not over her and i dont want to pretend to be. Some people say the best way to get over your ex is by getting under someone else. I dont believe that to be true. Dating someone else while not being over someone else is like moving old ruined furniture into someones elses brand new shiny house; you'll ruin it and theres no room. So whats the point? Whats the point of carrying all that baggage and hurt on to a new person, a new relationship; it doesnt work. You need to get rid of all the old and ruined before moving into a new house. You need to clean out your own house first. The best way of doing that is usually the hardest ways of doing it. Grieving, crying, reflecting, coping, learning. All difficult, painful, and time consuming. So It is normal not to want to and it is normal to want to take the easy road out. The thing is though; life isnt easy, so were not really meant to take that road in the first place.

Edited May 30, 2015 by HowMightI-live

[Cora]

Ugh..I'm doing that now too. I'm on a dating site, but I just feel sick looking through guys profiles. I'm only comparing everyone to him. I know it's much too soon for me to even think about dating and I honestly don't want to date anyone right now or maybe even ever, but I am so desperate to pass the time...to keep my mind busy because I'm going crazy with these damn thoughts in my head. Today was really bad. I cried all night long and I just wanted something to ease this pain so I slept all day. I was not motivated to do anything...didn't feel like getting dressed, going anywhere, eating or even moving so I just slept the day away. Feels like I'm slipping further into this depression. My heart aches so bad and I don't want to feel this way anymore. Wish I could erase him from my mind completely. It's not fair that he gets to move on happily without a care or even a thought about me while I'm here struggling through this torture of trying to heal and get over him when I still have so many unanswered questions which will never be answered.