Hit a rough patch, after a great month (some new revelations)

[Dondon]

Hello good people of LS. I hit a bit of a rough patch in the last few days. I don't want to bother my friends after 2 months of not talking about this. So i decided to write her, where i know i can count on you. I apologize in advance for my English, if you can't understand me. It's not my first language. It's a bit long, but i hope it won't scare you away.

 

So it's been 3 months and a few days since my BU back in December (2 years RS, i'm 24, she's 20). I went NC 2 days after BU and i didn't see and talk to her since. I removed her from FB, deleted her phone number and boxed everything that reminded me of her. Everything is even harder for me, because we live 500m apart in a very small city (10k). So i'm quite lucky i haven't seen her, although i'm avoiding 2 places she frequents. I feel it's better for me to not see her.

 

You can read my full BU story here.

 

In short, we broke up because of her abuse when she was young (10) and her depression (probably the result of that abuse). After few months in a relationship she told me about that (i was the first she told), we talked abut it and had a wonderful 1 and a half years after that. From what she said, i understood that she dealt with it. I guess i was wrong. 2 weeks before BU she was depressed and after a long talk she confessed that she didn't tell me everything regarding her abuse. She told me that she's very afraid of that guy who touched her (it happened once) and for some reason she's very afraid of her father. Her parents are divorced and she see him few times a year. And than she told me that she started having same feelings towards me too. I was really shocked when i heard that, because i always treated her with the utmost respect, cared about her and loved her unconditionally. In 2 years i didn't hurt her once. I just couldn't understand but i told her all that again. Well she told me she loved me too, that i'm the best and perfect guy for her and that we will do everything to work it out. She broke up with me few days later.

 

Well 2 weeks later i found out she was already with a new guy, whom i know she met between our "talk" and BU. I guess he flirted with her and she thought it would be easier to just jump into a new relationship, than work on keeping ours.

 

It's been tough in the beginning but with time and keeping myself occupied it got easier day by day. After some time i was able to look back on our relationship and see that she isn't all that i thought she was. She has a lot of problems and feelings which she bottled in herself. Not dealing with abuse, extremely bad relationship with her father, in her first ten years in school she was bullied by her classmates. I guess all that had a big effect on her. I'm no expert, but maybe she's just not used to men treating her nice and with respect. Since i was the first one to do so, according to her. All this made easier to accept this BU and to start getting better.

 

This month was particularly good for me. I didn't think about her that much anymore and i actually started enjoying my single life again. Some great trips and parties made me feel alive again. I have two 10days trips planed for may and july and i'm really looking forward.

 

But all this ended few days ago when i heard some news about my ex. I was at bar with some of my friends and behind me were two of her good friends. I didn't even know until i heard them mention her name. Well they were talking about her relationships at one point. Apparently she dumped that guy she left me for after 1 and a half months and got in a new relationship the next day. She was in a relationship with that guy for a good month and dumped him for a new guy last week. As far as i heard it was all official on FB (all 3 guys) so it wasn't just a date or two. I just couldn't believe what i was hearing. She was this nice and really sweet girl, but now i can't even recognize her. Before me, she was with a few guys too, but no longer than 2 months. I didn't make a big deal out of it, because i thought it was that high school effect. What's going on with her?

 

I know i shouldn't care about it anymore, but i just want to know what's going on with her. And don't get me wrong, i have no intention on getting back together or something. I have so many reasons, that it would be suicide going back to that. And to be honest i feel good about myself, i must have been a really good guy for her, considering her other ~10 relationship were shorter together then ours.

 

Thank you for reading.

[GoBlue]

It's really hard to say what's going on with her - Dondon. It basically sounds like she is trying to cope with her pain and her life the best way she knows. She probably needs to see a counselor, especially if she struggles with projecting her feelings about the abuser onto other loved ones in her life, but that is something she has to decide to do. The other things you heard in a bar are nothing more than conjecture and gossip. It's clear that you do care about her and are concerned, but it's also good to know what your part in her life is. Maybe an opportunity to talk will present itself and you will be able to share your concern as a "friend." My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Dondon]

Well yes i still have feelings for her and care about her. I mean 4 months ago she was the girl i always dreamt about, a girl i wanted to marry one day and start a family with. I accepted that we won't be together again, that she's gone and i'm not a part of her life anymore. I will respect her decision and won't contact her again. But i think i will need a few more months to get rid of these feelings. I really thought she was "the one" for me, so you can understand just how much i loved her.

 

Gossiping or not, i'm sure it was the truth. They're her best and closest friends, a she told them everything while we were together, just like she told them now. But in the end, ti really doesn't matter.

 

Thank you for your answer.