She's having mixed emotions about getting back together, and I'm getting whiplash..

[Barry22]

Well here I am, in the coping category. Let's just say this is going to be rather long.

 

To just cut down everything; I dated this girl briefly for the summer of 2013, we were together for about 5 months but it wasn't the best time, we rushed things, we had our own separate issues to be resolved, I was the right person at the wrong time let's just say that. I already learned when we dated that she has had quite a rough past with guys, and she's developed trust issues because of them, but I still had in my mind that we may get back together some day, as unlike many of her ex's I did treat her the best I could, it was just a shame the relationship was at such a bad time for both of us.

 

As i put in my last post I stopped talking to her as often, I backed away really just to help myself, at that time anyway she was giving me like a quarter of the effort I was giving her. After what was about a week, A mutual friend (That I see pretty often) popped up to her, she said "Hey! How have you been?? ... Do you know if ___ is free?" which I really didn't expect, I didn't really want to talk seeing I was really busy working on my show reel for the upcoming university interview.

 

About a day or two later she sent me a rather odd "Happy Valentines bestiee!" with a few smiley faces, I responded in a similar fashion, then after a while her tone died down a little. She said she felt a bit down, I said that if I was there I'd give her a hug, which she replied saying "... I was thinking about 'us' earlier.." which lead on to her saying the reason she's always pushed back seeing me after our breakup, is because she'll know her feelings she had for me will come back, she's just 'scared'.

 

The next morning I texted her first thing (She knew I had a university interview that morning) and said I'm going to be on the train and I hope she slept okay, no response all day, I messaged her midday when I arrived home through Kik (Messenger app, it's like Whatsapp) and she didn't sound really all that bothered to talk, just "Haha yeah I'm okay" sort of responses, which for her character is pretty the opposite of how she usually is, she tends to be really bubbly and at times flirtatious.

 

It went on for about three days, until she was yet again down, I went forward to calm her down and try cheer her up, then she said she feels bad because she wants one of her ex's '.. for more than one reason' she went to school with (Which they dated for a week) to break up with this girl he's been with since they broke up, I wasn't too pleased, I just started to back out of the conversation (She even updated her snapchat story to "Too much on my mind with so many people"). I also started to talk to another local girl sometime after, we didn't hit things off, and to be frank I still don't really know a lot about her, but for the moment anyway we are just talking, then if we want to we can meet up in about two weeks time.

 

Three days passed to today, as usual I haven't heard anything from her, she hasn't really bothered to contact me, so i just left it. Then around two hours ago as of writing this I took some photos of a book I'm hoping to sell on eBay, rather oddly she sent me a typed message through Snapchat (I really hate all of these communication apps, but that's the only way I can talk to her unfortunately) saying why did I screenshot her story snap .. which I didn't, I looked at my screenshot folder through my phone's files and then sent her a screenshot to show that I never did, rather oddly even though I wasn't even on Snapchat it said that I took another on our message .. Well that's something to keep in mind next time I try take pictures on my phone.

 

Well then anyway I just kept things short and sweet, conversation over in about 5 minutes. At that time her and the mutual friend I brought up earlier were talking again, I wasn't really mentioned, but as what the friend showed to me she was still rather distant yet again, just saying there's still so much on her mind about a number of people. She then mentioned about me having a 'date' with this girl in about two weeks, she said in response: "Meh just am :3 ... ____ Is going on a date with someone?.." And then "Ah I see .. Well .. Uh .. Good luck to him, I hope something works out for him, he deserves it" AND THEN sending me a message that read "Good luck with your date btw..." Like, what?

 

So now I don't know, I replied saying it's still quite early yet so I don't really know what will happen, but at the same time I feel both confusion and frustration, because before she told me about that she wants her ex back when I tried to flirt or anything there were all the flags she wasn't in the slight bit interested.

 

Is this normal?

 

So now I don't know, I'm feeling major whiplash right now with just everything. But I would take getting back with her over a new relationship with this girl, just ugh, why are girls so complicated to understand?

[quattrob]

Judging from your post, I'm guessing you 2 are still young. There is too much gossip going around with the people around you. And you seem to be affect easily by it.

 

 

She is definitely immature and a confused individual. She doesn't know exactly what she wants.

 

 

You should really try to forget about her and move on. I know it is hard for you because you still have strong feeling towards this girl. But I can tell you no good would come out of this if you're overthinking everything and hoping things with her will work again.

 

 

She has to be the one to really want it, not you. You have this date coming up with another girl. Enjoy your time with her and try to ignore what everyone else says or thinks. There will be a better girl for you trust me.

[Ruby65]

Your ex is not in the slightest bit *confused* about what she wants or how she feels.

 

She's *conflicted.*

 

That's why you're picking up mixed signals, confusion and ambivalence.

 

She's conflicted because: she's had crummy boyfriends in the past, but you were the nice guy she SHOULD love and SHOULD be with... but the spark just wasn't there for her. I could tell this from the beginning of your story -- those excuses she gave you were all lines used to cover her lack of spark.

 

The worst part was, the nicer you were, the more she knew she ought to WANT to be with you, the guiltier she felt... the more obligated she felt.... and the less attracted she felt.

 

Even today she knows if she took you back, those doubts and ambivalence would resurface.

 

Who are you to this girl? You're her safety net, my friend. Her (friendzoned) Bestieeee! You're the one she can text on Valentine's Day when she's feeling down (because she's not in love with anyone and it's Valentine's Day) -- and know you'll always be there for her to stroke her ego and remind her how it feels to be loved and wanted by someone.

 

She's probably mildly annoyed at your dating -- with a new girlfriend you won't be available as her Plan B Option Guy anymore -- but she's tossing you a bone by mentioning it and acting *just mildly jealous* to keep you on the hook.

 

I know this girl, I've been this girl, I can read her like a book!

 

Run -- go No Contact, now. This is a no-win situation. The more you try to "be there" for her.... the less she respects you.

 

Stick to NC -- online and off. Block her everywhere. Get to work on moving forward with YOUR life without her in it... toward acceptance.... so you can find someone who appreciates you for the great guy you are!!

 

But yeah -- as long as you're in contact, it's a no-go, she's totally playing you and has nothing to gain by cutting contact herself (until she meets her next boyfriend).

 

Just my opinion!