sadsoymilk Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 Hello again, LoveShack.. I'm posting because I am completely unsure of what I should do at this point in my life. I've been on a downward spiral since the beginning of the fall and nothing seems to be getting better. I survived winter break/Christmastime, albeit not in the best way - for the first few weeks being around my ex I maintained complete NC - pretended he wasn't there at all. But I was MISERABLE. I cried almost every hour of the day, put on a brave face for work, and broke down again minutes after getting my car to drive home. Then he reached out to me and rekindled our relationship for maybe a month. I realize how stupid I am for falling for this again, especially when he stopped talking to me out of the blue in the end of January- because he got a new girlfriend. Anyway, I've been complete NC since that happened, but now I feel like I'm lower than I've ever been. I hardly eat, I cry nearly every night and I can barely sleep even with sleeping pills. I have been trying everything I can, excersize, eating healthy, reading, going out once or twice.. I've even tried going to counseling, and it's opened my eyes to why this whole situation is affecting me so much. On top of severe social anxiety and depression, I've had a traumatic abusive childhood and my ex's awful behavior just kind of pulled all that pent up negativity out of me. Now, I feel like I'm drowning in it. I wish I could say therapy is working but I honestly feel even worse. And I'm completely alone here at college, My very few friends have all drifted from me since I've been so down and I don't have a relationship with my family. Sorry for all the complaining, I feel like I have no where left to turn. I'm honestly contemplating giving up.. I don't feel like I have any reason to keep going. No money, no friends, no job, no future.. what do I have to live for? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 Sorry for all the complaining, I feel like I have no where left to turn. I'm honestly contemplating giving up.. I don't feel like I have any reason to keep going. No money, no friends, no job, no future.. what do I have to live for? Why do you say you have no future? It seems to me that you've got so much time ahead of you -- you're just getting started in life!! What are you studying in school -- do you have a career path chosen? It's true we can't pick our family and coming from abuse means that you're going to have to learn to parent YOURSELF. Sometimes friends fail us and we have to be our own friend until new friendships can be formed. It honestly sounds like you're doing all the right activities -- exercise, eating right, therapy. Areas of improvement I can see are finding yourself a job and maybe adding in some volunteer work as well for a cause you care about. One idea I really like is to volunteer at a local no-kill animal shelter, just petting the animals there and playing with them and walking them. This is also a way to meet new like-minded people. You can also look into yoga and meditation, which are great for stress reduction and creating a state of inner peace. It's a hard row to hoe.... but the more you can establish a stable, mostly-happy inner world, the less you're affected by things like horrible guys and friends flaking out on you sometimes, even when you need them the most. As for your current horrible guy.... yeah that was horrible of him. You need to give yourself a break on not being instantly over this if you've only just ended things as of end of January. It's only February 24th -- that's just over 3 weeks! It's going to take time to recover. Here's a good recovery guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com But mostly, you just need to give yourself more time -- and stick to the No Contact. Those two alone can work miracles. Link to post Share on other sites
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