Loveisonlyformovies Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 So my ex contacted me a week ago, wanting to be friends because he missed having me around. It's been two years since the break up and six months since we last spoke. During the past week, he initiated contact once, and I did three times. When I didn't wanna tell him about my life, I wasn't so interesting I guess. He told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend. I thought I could handle him talking to me, but my feelings for him are still the same. Now I sit and wait for a message that never comes and I don't wanna seem too desperate either. I'm still in love with him. When he's back in touch my life pauses, waiting only for his messages and I hate it. Time doesn't make my feelings fade at all. I guess my chances of getting him back are zero. But I've finally started to rebuild my life and now it's pausing again. I can't block him, I'm not that strong. So I'm thinking of writing him a long letter where I explain how I feel about him and ask him to never contact me again. I think my feelings would scare him off if he knew about them. Some days I just want him to burn in hell and it's killing my pride to let him know I still love him despite how bad he has been treating me. But I think it's the only way for me to move on with my life and to get him to stay away. Is this bad? Any other ideas? I'm desperate :/ Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 (edited) Hey, I'm sorry you're hurting. I can relate to your story and how you feel, though. Don't bother with sending a letter. I just think it'll be a waste of time but do whatever you feel is best for you to do in order to move on. I've done everything possible to move on but I'm still not 100% over my ex, even after 17 months post BU. It's never taken me more than a month or 2 to move on after being in previous LTRs. So this is crazy for me. It's been absolute torture. My ex was terrible and is still terrible to me. Still I can't let go. Which is absurd. It's been an emotional last couple of weeks for me. So, I completely understand where you're coming from. I worry that the only way I'm going to truly move on for good is to fall in love with another man and who knows how long that could take. /= Edited January 22, 2015 by me85 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mif Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 Hey loveisonlyformovies, I'm sorry he keeps feeding you crumbs like this. But it looks like he sees you as a backup plan only, someone to fall back on when his other relationships don't work. I'm sorry, as you are worth so much more than this, but while you keep allowing it, he will keep doing it. As for him it works. As for your idea of a letter, you know him better than we do. Do you think it would scare him off? My guess is that it would be your breadcrumb to him, 'i still love you and will allow you to come to me whenever'. You are inviting him to take responsiblilty for your healing (but asking him to be responsible for initiating NC), despite the fact it's you that is being hurt by it, not him. It hurts. I know. But you are responsible for breaking contact of that's what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 During the past week, he initiated contact once, and I did three times. It sounds like your problem isn't as much "scaring him off" as it is getting yourself to detach from him and stop accepting his breadcrumbs. If he's only contacted you once and you've done so three times, the problem is more you than it is him. So I'm thinking of writing him a long letter where I explain how I feel about him and ask him to never contact me again. As hard as it is, you do have to tell him not to contact you any more because if you don't, he will keep you hanging each time because he knows he can. I would leave your feelings for him out of it altogether though. He doesn't need to know that - just make it a simple statement that you no longer want contact with him, period. Then you really have to concentrate on yourself, move on and stop obsessing about him (easier said than done, I know), but if you don't do both (tell him to leave you alone, and then really dedicate yourself to moving on), this cycle will just continue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 I just can't think of another way :/ i can't stay away from him, I can only move on with my life when he cuts contact because then I know there's no way for me to contact him. I don't know what do :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 I'm not sure just telling him to stay away would work. Also, I fear if I don't tell him how I feel now , I won't be able to think of anything else. He's single and it's my biggest chance I get for a new shot with him. I know it will never happen, but I think I'll regret it forever if i don't :/ Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I just can't think of another way :/ i can't stay away from him, I can only move on with my life when he cuts contact because then I know there's no way for me to contact him. I don't know what do :/ He only contacted you because he misses you and wants to be friends, not because he wants to get back together. If being "friends" is not something you want to do (and it sounds like it would be a VERY bad idea), then you need to be honest with him and simply state that he needs to leave you alone, period. No, it's not easy (trust me when I say that I know this as well as you), but for your own mental health and future, it's a must. You simply need to stop contacting him and tell him in no uncertain terms to stop contacting you. Period. It's hard, I know. But it's something most people on this board has had to do or tried to do at some point, so most of us know how valuable it can be to moving on and being a healthier person. It sounds like the only way to go here. Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I'm not sure just telling him to stay away would work. Also, I fear if I don't tell him how I feel now , I won't be able to think of anything else. He's single and it's my biggest chance I get for a new shot with him. I know it will never happen, but I think I'll regret it forever if i don't :/ If this is what you want (allow me to first say that I think it's a bad idea because if he wanted to get back together, chances are 99 percent he would have tried to initiate something instead of asking to be "friends.") BUT ... if this is what you want, then you need to be 100 percent clear with him that you CAN'T be just friends with him, that his choices are either to take another shot at a relationship with you, or leave you alone. I'm not sure what the issues were the led to the end of your relationship, but if you think you can overcome them and if you both WANT to, then go for it. But it doesn't sound like he is in the same place as you on that front. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveisonlyformovies Posted January 22, 2015 Author Share Posted January 22, 2015 I don't think he has ever felt the same as me , but I don't wanna regret not taking the chance when I had it :/ I guess giving up my pride once more is better than spending another year crying in bed while waiting for his reply Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I don't think he has ever felt the same as me , but I don't wanna regret not taking the chance when I had it :/ I guess giving up my pride once more is better than spending another year crying in bed while waiting for his reply If that's what you decide to do, my advice would be to be 100 percent clear about what you want and if he's not willing to give it to you, then I hope you are strong enough to walk away, tell him you can't be "friends" and go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
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