I'd like to hear some positive 'I'm well now' stories

[Mif]

My ex partner and i agreed to go NC for 3 weeks and today or tomorrow is the day he was planning to reengage. I am the dumpee, he is the dumper. He thinks we will be friends and or maybe he doesn't, who knows what he is thinking. I don't really want him to contact me anymore (i'm dreading it actually), but I'll also feel rejected again if he doesn't. Its going to be an anxious and tricky couple of days ahead.

 

Can anyone share some stories about how they are feeling better, now that they have come out of the longing and the painful stage? What is happening in your life now that is good and wouldn't have happened if you had stayed in your relationships or if you had not actively tried to let go?

[blackcat777]

I had a "three month agreement" to catch up with my boyfriend the day he broke up with me.

 

About two weeks before that day arrived, I scrambled to block him everywhere. It made me feel sick... and then... it made me feel SOOO good. So empowered.

 

He didn't try to contact me then. It angered me a little bit, but it also came as a huge relief, because I thought, if throwing people away is his attitude, I really did make it out through all of this unscathed.

 

Also, despite the fact I had said to my boyfriend, let's meet up in three months, he completely forgot about that detail. His mind was way too scattered the day of the breakup for that to even register. (I asked him about this later.)

 

He did come and break down my door four months post BU, with flowers and a huge apology, which was the ONLY context in which I would have taken him back. (By this point, my gut reaction was, "YOU. IDIOT." ) Blocking him everywhere pretty much left him with the choice to do that, or to stay away forever. It forced him to be serious and left me with my peace of mind in the meantime. I'm not sure of the circumstances of your breakup, but blocking is win-win, in that it banishes half-hearted attempts that would waste your time, or it forces the dumper to show face and be real at your door.

 

You were dumped, so you don't contact. The feeling of rejection when being dumped can run so deep, and one of the best ways to heal is to focus 100% on yourself, your worth, and your well-being. Reaching out to someone who rejected you is totally counterproductive to all of this. I can't recommend enough how important it is to block him.

 

For me, focusing on my hobbies was the best thing I did. I had to force myself and hated it at first, but I worked on my dancing, I got so awesome with the piano and learned so many new and challenging pieces, I started taking new dance classes. This was all me loving up me and it was the most solid investment I ever made.

 

I also enrolled for school, which starts in a few months, and I can finally do something I'll enjoy more for a lot more money... The fact that I took off to travel for a decade after high school wasn't a choice I regretted, but I always felt like my dad thought I was a loser for not going to school and it really bothered me. I'm not doing a four year program, but I chose something I'll like and will make me happy, so, win.

 

I think the breakup... it was my first experience with totally gut-wrenching heartbreak... and finding myself again through the healing process permanently altered the way I show up in relationships. My personal boundaries for what kind of treatment is acceptable are SO strong, and I know I'll always be not just okay... but actually awesome! on my own. I CAN walk away from having my heart smashed and still kick butt. That's the important thing to take home.

 

It's also what really makes worthwhile partners respect you in a relationship.

[Mif]

Thanks Blackcat! I've taken your advice and I've blocked him from fb, deleted all his friends too. You're right, it feels so gross.

 

I am trying to block texts but testing it with my brother i can't seem to find an app that actually works for this on android. Any suggestions?

 

You know, it never really occurred to me that he might not remember he said he will text. It's been so important in my mind and there has been such a buildup, that i thought it would be his biggest priority too. Probably won't even get a thought.

 

Congratulations to you for enrolling in school! What are you studying? I have just signed up for a polish language course on Saturday mornings, something I've been wanting to do for a while now. I'm glad you said you didn't want to but you made yourself. Cause the last thing i feel like doing is carrying on with my goals without his support/approval..

[SoThatHappened]

Had my heart ripped out for the first time at age 33, then again by the same girl nine months later after getting back together.

 

I was a wreck. Lost weight I couldn't afford to lose.

 

Found this site. Implemented and stuck to NC.

 

Over 7 months removed and I think about her only every few hours per day. What an improvement from every second.

 

I was a shaking, anxious mess. Now I'm glad I'm not with her.

 

I've found myself, as cliche as that may sound.

 

You're not good to anyone if you don't know yourself and aren't happy with yourself.

[radiodarcy]

I was dumped back in 2010 by my first love (which led me to find this site).

 

It was really more of a FWB that started as friends - - but I kept pushing for more. It ended when I got upset over his posting flirty comments on other girls' FB walls (yes I know in a FWB means I'm not supposed to get upset over those things but I did and that's a whole different thread anyway )

 

The fight over FB ended with me informing I had deleted him off FB and him sending en extremely hurtful email telling me to move on. I initiated NC not long after that and was doing pretty well. Until he started texting me here and there to which I responded.

 

Even though my responses were brief and the contact was sporadic - - all it did was set the stage for me to break NC altogether; which I did after a few months of limited contact.

 

Big mistake. After a week of my letting my guard down, he disappeared. He wouldn't sign into IM or respond to my texts nothing. Yup. I was right back at square one. And I was the proverbial cat chasing its tail.

 

And what's worse is I couldn't bring myself to go back to NC, So I sent him an email telling him how upset I was that he had dropped off like that. He came back with his usual lame excuse how he was busy and I should have just emailed him earlier.

 

We went back to talking regularly and I was over the moon. But that was short-lived because he had started online dating by then and was bragging to me about all the girls he was talking to.

 

I finally came to my senses and went NC cold turkey. It was the best decision I ever could have made because after about 10 months of solid NC on my part, he contacted me out of the blue to tell me he had a girlfriend who was pregnant with his kid and how he happy he was

 

Had I not been in NC and removed him from my FB, iphone address book, IM etc I would probably have gotten to watch the whole thing unfold before my very eyes. He made it clear to me when he cut me loose, that he wanted a relationship to have kids - - just not with me. Oh but he still wanted for us to be friends

 

Needless to say that was almost three years ago and we are certainly not friends. The best lesson I learned from that is what a true friend is. And he was never that to me.

Edited January 22, 2015 by radiodarcy

[Mif]

Big mistake. After a week of my letting my guard down, he disappeared. He wouldn't sign into IM or respond to my texts nothing. Yup. I was right back at square one. And I was the proverbial cat chasing its tail.

 

And what's worse is I couldn't bring myself to go back to NC, So I sent him an email telling him how upset I was that he had dropped off like that. He came back with his usual lame excuse how he was busy and I should have just emailed him earlier.

 

We went back to talking regularly and I was over the moon. But that was short-lived because he had started online dating by then and was bragging to me about all the girls he was talking to.

 

I finally came to my senses and went NC cold turkey. It was the best decision I ever could have made because after about 10 months of solid NC on my part, he contacted me out of the blue to tell me he had a girlfriend who was pregnant with his kid and how he happy he was

 

Had I not been in NC and removed him from my FB, iphone address book, IM etc I would probably have gotten to watch the whole thing unfold before my very eyes. He made it clear to me when he cut me loose, that he wanted a relationship to have kids - - just not with me. Oh but he still wanted for us to be friends

 

Needless to say that was almost three years ago and we are certainly not friends. The best lesson I learned from that is what a true friend is. And he was never that to me.

 

Thank you. I needed to hear that.

[radiodarcy]

Thank you. I needed to hear that.

 

My pleasure! Glad I could help. I've tried to recommend NC to friends and family who have gone through break ups but many of them feel it's too harsh. But it's really the best thing you can do for yourself.

 

Not only did I save myself from a lot of pain and misery; I also had the chance to get back to my own interests and hobbies. As well as meet and re-connect with people I consider to be *true* friends.

[Omei]

I didnt feel better or stop crying until I finally stuck to NC it was really hard I was the dumpee him the dumper for the first year id cave every few months into his attempts at being friends.

 

Each time I got more hurt until I took NC very seriously.

 

Today two years later I might shed a tear if I think really hard about him but he rarely pops up in my head to begin with and im very happy in my single life I enjoy my freedom.

 

All I can think about now is how excited I am to fall in love again someday im looking forward to the chance.

[BC1980]

I got dumped back in April of 2013, which is when I found LS. Turns out I was the proverbial doormat in the relationship, and it took me 4 months to implement NC. After that I broke it once, and, as of today, I have been NC for 13 months. I don't even really count it anymore. I'm just living life at this point, which is the goal. My relationship seems like another lifetime, and I'm in a better place than I could have ever been with him.

 

Like everyone is saying, you must stick to NC like a religion. That is the only way to emotionally detach from an ex, and it actually works if you go out and actively build a new life. It doesn't work if you sit around a pine over the relationship and never make any improvements, but I can honestly say it does work if you are committed to moving on. I was an absolute train wreck when I found LS, and I was terrified I would never move on. If I can do it, anyone can.

[BC1980]

All I can think about now is how excited I am to fall in love again someday im looking forward to the chance.

 

Me too I actually think about what it would be like to have a healthy relationship, and, for the first time in a long time, I'm actually looking forward to that happening in its own time. When I think of my ex, I can't believe I was happy in that situation. I can't believe I settled for that. I think it sometimes takes being in something so awful and dysfunctional to appreciate not being in that place again. If I met him today for the first time, we would never have made it past a few dates, and that makes me chuckle.

[Harradin]

About 2 and a quarter years ago, my friend at the time started hitting on my girlfriend behind my back and she reciprocated, started as emotional cheating and ended up physically cheating on me. This all happened in one week where I thought she was upset about finding out that her parents were getting divorced. I got dumped by email (they both signed it off) and they went public the next day.

 

I was in pieces, my self confidence and self esteem basically got nuked. I told the friend to get out my life and went NC on the ex girlfriend after a month after she kept telling me she missed me and all of this sh*t.

 

It took me about 6 months to fully get over her and the betrayal. I grew up and learnt a lot from the experience. I found out 6 months after the whole thing that the ex cheated on the guy she left me for, for one of his friends.

 

I built my self confidence and self esteem back and I'm a lot happier than I was before, I'm in the best shape of my life (I regularly compete in judo and kickboxing) and I'm addicted to any sort of training! I haven't been in a relationship since, but I've had ONS's and FWB's!

 

I haven't seen the ex since I went NC nor heard anything. The friend got a mutual friend to contact me over the summer to ask whether he could get back in touch and be friends again, I politely told him where to shove it.

 

NC is key.