Cherrybreeze Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Hi all, It's been a few weeks since I posted...I've read since, but then needed a little break. It was making me feel worse to read threads, no matter in what forum. I KNOW NC is the best way to go. I could only ever go a few days at a time, though. Him, either. Last I posted, our conversations devolved into me saying something wrong, and him getting angry. Our break up wasn't due to loss of feelings; he went through my phone (again, and I know it's bad) and misinterpreting what he found (he assumed cheating that didn't happen). You can read my other threads, and I know someone will throw something back at me. I'm ready. I did lie to him, but only because I was afraid he'd misunderstand. I had talked to a couple people (including my mom!) about how to approach it, but in the end, I had waited too long. I know I screwed up. We've gone through this before. For all his bravado, deep down I truly believe he's insecure (the people in my life who know everything, have told me they believe this as well). I can see that. He puts walls up, and has a hard time getting close to anyone (stems from childhood issues, etc, I know a lot of the story). In the past, he's made me work for it and has come around. Up until the night this happened, things were the best they'd ever been since we met. Our conversations gradually got "happier" and without strife. We even made a few jokes that danced around the issue, but he didn't get upset. Last Saturday was one of the nights I'd been dreading, something we've done once a month with his friends that I've been included on from the beginning...would have been the first one I would miss. I asked what these friends knew, he had told them nothing of our break up or that I wouldn't attend. He was okay with me going, "they're your friends now, too," but I said I would not just show up. Not my place. In the end, we decided to go together, like we always had. We drove his boys back to their moms (they were glad to see me) and went to our friends' apartment. Found out after we arrived that they cancelled it due to them being sick (he didn't check his email). I didn't know where the night would go. In the end, we went to dinner at a sushi place he likes (I'd never been there), he paid. It was like a date. Back to his house, watched some Netflix, and then went out together to see a friend of his from HS (I'd never met her and she obviously didn't know either; she treated me like his gf and he seemed okay). Then went to see our friends who were performing somewhere else. Yea, the night ended in sex....drinking? It was gonna happen. The next day I stayed to watch the football game (another previous tradition). I even went home to get my jersey and came back, he was agreeable. He was distant physical-wise, but again, we've been here before and it took time for him to open up that way again. I was there til about 9, got nothing when I left. Saw him again Wednesday; I went over there, made dinner, and he put on a movie (and then after that, put on the series we'd started Saturday night). I left about 11. Got a hug and a kiss goodnight, so more than Sunday! He has posted a few things on my FB wall this week (one was for my bday, another was a link related to the movie we watched). He avoids it like the plague when things haven't been good, so that's a positive in my book. Tonight is the "reschedule" of last Saturday, I'm not sure of the plan but he mentioned it over dinner Wed without me having to ask. I'm not sure of the what will happen yet, but it's not for several hours anyway. I don't know what it all means. Guess I just needed to lay it out there, and I know you guys will understand. I HOPE it's rebuilding, but know it's a day at a time. Because the break up fell on me, I feel like it's up to me to make the effort. This is VERY much like what has happened before, save for a little longer before we saw each other again. I'm trying not to overanalyze everything, but I am the master of that. I don't think he'd pull the friend card, but I guess time will tell. I did invite him to the open house my mom and stepdad have every year for Christmas Eve, and he's open to going (and even bringing the boys, if he has them). Sorry this is SO LONG. Thanks to anyone who reads it all!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cherrybreeze Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 (edited) I do initiate more of the contact, but he responds readily every time I do. I told him about what my mom and my sister bought me for my birthday, and he wanted pictures. His responses are detailed, and like I said....quick. I think that's good, but again....who knows. I'm trying to include as much info as I can without getting too long-winded. **I also think I meant to put this in the Second Chances forum, I'm not sure how I put it here. Sorry if it's not entirely appropriate for where it is. :/ Edited December 20, 2014 by Cherrybreeze Link to post Share on other sites
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