Ran into someone who knows her(just venting)

[SycamoreCircle]

Strange how life plays out sometimes. Like something that could fit into a novel. Bookends.

 

I'm what? 9 months NC now? She cheated, lied and smeared me to family and friends.

 

Well, I swore to her mother I'd never contact any of her friends again. Today, by far the s**ttiest weather in NYC, I found myself traipsing around the East Village trying to get my laptop diagnosed. Fun. My particular route happened to trigger a lot memories, as around this time last year I attended with my GF an excellent party hosted by my GF's mother's friends in the same neighborhood. You feel ghosts.

 

To make a long story short, I ended up walking to another neighborhood(devoid of associations) then up to a different part of the city. Plan A became Plan B became ABORT. I headed back home. Stepping into the subway carriage, I sat across from an older woman who immediately caught my eye.

 

"Is your name Y?" I asked.

 

You could see her struggling to place me.

 

My name is Z. I'm X's ex. We met at your party last year.

 

She remembered and shook my hand.

 

I then said something I regret, I said: I'm still sort of dealing with the aftermath of that, but this time of year makes me think fondly of that party. There was such good food and such a nice atmosphere.

 

"Thank you...I'm sorry it didn't work out."

 

Are you having a party this year?

 

"Yes, I'm getting ingredients together today to make the soup."

 

She was with her younger daughter who asked me a few innocuous questions. I could see that for whatever reason the mother did not have anything further to say to me.

 

We parted each saying something leave-taking.

 

Not Y but Y's friend who also hosted a party and who lived in the same building provided a safe-haven to my ex during our break up. My ex stayed there. No doubt filling her host's ears with some of her special manipulation and lies.

 

I can just imagine that this woman's chance meeting with me will become the subject for speculation and gossip at this year's party. I shouldn't have given away any emotion. My ex will probably cite it as "feigning" or some kind of manipulation. She has a streak of the devil within her, no lie. Was I entirely surprised when she started delving into Satanism post-breakup? How on Earth did I ever get tangled into such drama, such nonsense? I bet my ex didn't bother to mention that she'd met another man, that she'd been lying to her mother and myself. I suppose those details flew out the window.

 

No question here, just venting.

[NopeNah]

Yeah.. Those are awkward, for sure. Pretty much, my ex and I hung out to the west of my house, i've been hanging out to the East lately. All my friends, who she met through me, have been understanding. They're actually digging the change. They do still go to the old places and I'm sure run into her, but never tell me out of respect.

[me85]

Hate that for ya man. I'm extremely lucky I never run into my ex or any of his friends or family. I've seen his mom in a store from a distance but booked it outa there before she saw me. Close call! lol

 

My ex abused me, was a lair and a cheat but his family had NO IDEA. There's not a doubt in my mind he has said awful terrible things about me to all of them and to his current little gf but I don't care. I know the truth. Of course I know he'd never tell his friends and family the horrible things he did to me.

 

Oh well. You and I are lucky to be without our exes now. Blessed, even.

Edited November 26, 2014 by me85

[writergal]

It's always good to vent. Your situation has happened to me before, where I've run into mutual acquaintances of ex boyfriends. Heck, I ran across a mutual friend of friends online, went out on a date with him recently, pined for him after he rebuffed my invitation to go out again, and also worry that I will be the subject of gossip now among our mutual friends.

 

But all that said, one of my favorite writers Dorothy Parker once quipped, "What other people think of me, is none of my business." So, take that to heart. Who cares if you're the subject of talk at this year's Thanksgiving party. Do you ever talk to any of those people? Do they know the real you? If they know the real you, then anything negative anyone says about you since your break-up will roll off those people like water off a duck's back. They won't care. We can't control what other people say about us behind our backs, no matter who they are. And to worry about it, well, it's a waste of your energy.

[SycamoreCircle]

There's one other added dimension to this whole thing. The woman who provided the safe haven for my ex during our breakup, who is the good friend of this woman I ran into on the train, has a sad past, as told to me by my ex: apparently some years back her husband just up and left her and their daughter for a younger woman. My ex and I talked about it with a mutual sense of morality. Or so I thought.

 

The idea that not 3 months later my ex up and left me for an older man strikes me as particularly ironic.

 

Also, the idea of how she framed it in her mind. She made our split about the multifaceted unhappiness she experienced in our relationship. An unhappiness which I NEVER KNEW EXISTED. The idea that another man prefigured into this whole thing never dawned on her, except for a private admission to one close friend(who more or less dragged it out of her). And I quote:

 

This may be too much info, you can totally ignore all that if you're not comfortable. I guess I also kind of met someone. It's not really anything, he's a fairly inappropriate choice (don't judge, but he's...pretty old...and really really tall), but it just feels great to be excited again, and it made me realize how much has been lacking emotionally with Sycamore. He's an artist and curator and he actually likes the things I like. I don't know. I feel all fluttery. I have no idea what it is or if I even want it to go anywhere, and I'm trying not to let it influence how I handle this Sycamore thing, but it is so nice to be able to have a conversation on common ground and not have to explain everything. When I first moved in, Sycamore made a point of telling me it was okay for me to pursue other men. He has some deficiencies, and is constantly apologizing (it's sex: he can't really do it...well. Or sometimes at all. So we basically never have it, because it's so tough for everything to align and make it work). He's not a jealous person, and so I find myself not feeling at all guilty that I'm so interested in another man. But again, I don't know where I want this to go. But oh my god he kissed me and it left me breathless and I've had butterflies for days and days. I haven't felt that since Daniel.

 

Time and perspective have revealed things about this admission I didn't see at first.

 

-She made it sound like she pursued this guy when in reality he'd been courting her a month and a half previous to their kiss. Asking her to go gallery hopping and sh**.

 

-My ex had a history with threesomes, so we talked about if things ever got boring, the agreed openness to being with someone else. But she never revealed anything about this man to me. It was secretive, deceitful and coupled with a smear campaign.

 

-Yeah, she had so much in common with a 45 year old man. She's 20 years younger. Their relationship lasted for a number of months and appears to have been purely sexual. She started to ape his aesthetics and started to take up the interests which she knew him to have.

 

-Even though he seems to have moved on, she appears to still be idolizing him. He has a foot in the upper echelon NYC art world and I believe she sees him as a way in. So, he could essentially F other women, lie to her, treat her like dirt. She'd cry on a friend's shoulder and then continue her worship of him because...he can get her noticed.

 

I'm just sick with these thoughts. How did I meet such an awful person? Must be my own fault. The first thing I said to her when I saw her profile on OKC was, "I think you would do anything for your art." And boy, was I right. She told me during our breakup that, "I think I love my art more than you." Trans: There's a guy with power in the art world that I want to f***.

[NopeNah]

Spoke too soon. Meeting with my friends for pre holiday drinks at "our" old spot. She has family in town. So hopefully she's not there. Either way, I'm making it a early night.