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can't get over this..


polaske93

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It's been almost 3 months since the breakup, and since sh started dating my friend. They got together almost immediately after our breakup, I handled it terribly because it was so out of the blue, and i had introduced the two of them just a couple weeks prior. She immediately started treating him way better than she treated me in our 8 month relationship. I slowly started to cope with this, after picking up a smoking, aND drinking habbit, and moved to another state. I finally started to get my life back on track, and laughed at the 2 of them, thinking about how they both have deep insecurities and issues.. then I came across her Facebook only to see a picture of the 2 of them smiling as her profile pic. I look through her pictures, and almost since the first day of their relationship she has been posting pictures of them and constantly making reference to him. It knocked me back to square one.. it's so hard to think that in 8 months, after talking on the phone every night for hours on end, constantly skyping, and all of the sweet nothings we shared. That I never even got a normal relationship with her, this girl that I loved so deeply, and i was hidden from her life. After just a week this guy means the world to her, and she gives him everything i wanted. Even though he lied to her about being single, then continued to cheat on her. She found out, and still cares for him so much describing him as the most amazing man in the world.. it just hurts, is there any reason she would be doing this? Or is her love for him genuine do you think?

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First off I am very sorry for what you are currently going through! Breakup's on any level can be a hard thing to go through, especially when there was a whole lot time, energy and resources invested. So again, I feel you, I know where your at, but in time, time being the crucial component here, time will assist you to take care of the feelings you have now, and eventually things will settle down, things will start to mellow out ect. ect. ect.

 

Next, do yourself a "big favor" drop the whole Facebook thing! Looking at profile photo's and reading up on what she says about this new guy with every photo is very counter productive towards your healing. I know we all got our own unique sets of coping skills and what not's. If you can handle it, and it doesn't stop the progression of your healing "then more power to you"! At least, and only speaking for myself, it's been 2.5 months since I had a Facebook account, to be honest, I was kind of doing like you are, taking the "peek" to see if a profile photo has been updated, has her banner or cover image been changed, and if anything I can detect has been changed, then what does it all mean.

 

Eventually it became to much B.S. for me to handle. Plus if you made a vow to yourself to go perhaps "no contact" with your EX, Facebook is therefore a violation of the rule. Anything on-line that directly links the two of you has to go, well at least it did for me. For me the pain, hurt and suffering of losing the battle with temptation to view my ex-faince's Facebook page was a killer, I kept giving in, and giving in, and giving into to, taking "peeks" here and there, seeing if anything changed.

 

I had to drop it for my own sanity, and I'm pleased to report that since deleting my account, I've been much better off for it, "ignorance is bliss"!

 

I know when you say about all the phone calls, text's and Skype video calls invested, I really do. My ex-faince and I were in relations for approx. 5-6 months by way of Skype, the phone, e-mail, text's and snail mail. That's on top of the 13 months she lived here with me in my home. So I know how it feels to think after a relationship is over, to dwell and ponder and think about all the time invested. Thinking that it might just have not meant a thing! But you know something.............."it did"!

 

Also, I wouldn't sit there anymore and be to concerned about any possible "insecurities issues" that your EX may or may not have. It's not your job anymore to think that way about her. She's got her own life to live, and if insecurities are going to be a part of it, well, that's on her, and her's to deal with. Right now you should be more focused upon yourself and trying to put you "first" and try the best you can for yourself to get through this difficult transition period of your life.

 

It will get better, but again, it's that ole "time thing"! Time will help, but Father time will need your help! Going "no contact" will assist time in helping you get better and to move on! Not worrying anymore about thing like her mental state, with her "insecurities" will help. Not looking at old photo's in albums or on-line will help you. Not exposing yourself to the music and song's that were once yours, love songs and such, if there's a tune out there or tune's that you guy's called your own, stay away from those right now, not listening to that stuff will help you move on as well.

 

No contact + time + effort = you'll feel better eventually.

 

Good luck, keep your chin up and we'll get through this, one day at a time!

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alampnamedbob

Hey man,

 

 

It's hard. I agree with Aaron. Cut the Facebook. Like Aaron, I dropped Facebook completely and have been free for three months. I know nothing of what my ex is doing and it has helped my healing process a lot. By deleting it you help eliminate the urge to check up on your ex. Of course, you can deactivate it; however, it's so easy to get back on and check up on them.

 

 

Keep your chin up and go into no contact by deleting Facebook. It will help you tons (it has helped me!). Keep at it!

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Like Aaron, I dropped Facebook completely and have been free for three months. I know nothing of what my ex is doing and it has helped my healing process a lot.

 

 

polaske93: I'm not the only one who agree's! Going through the motions and severing all on-line ties with your EX will very much help.

 

I know it's a hard thing to do, at least it was for me. Because once upon a time Facebook used to be such an awesome communications tool, as to help keep my family, my ex-faince's family and all our good friends in tune and involved in our relationship. So much good stuff was going back and forth, the lovey dovy photo's, the day trip out of town photo's, the Holiday photo's and the ability to private chat with folks, it was great, plus once upon a time, before my ex-faince came to live with me for 13 months, Facebook was one of our vital tools as to help maintain our relationship when were 2000 miles away from each other.

 

So I understand if cutting the social media out of your life might be hard, it was painful for me. It killed me almost 2.5 months ago, logged onto what used to something fun, something grand, something that helped keep our long distance love alive. Then, I sat there after taking a temptation peek at her page, the profile photo changed, the cover photo changed and it hurt, it really did, for the photo's were now of things that were being done "without me" and it really hurt. Even though we removed each other off our "friends lists" I could still get a slight trickle of information about perhaps what she was doing, or at least what had already been done and such, it broke my heart.

 

Plus the "kicker" about a week before she called off our relationship we had plans to go back to Lake Tahoe and try our hands at fishing. She always razed me for being to much of a "city boy" who didn't want to touch fish because it grossed me out. I was going to try and champion my "grossed out-ness" and go fishing. We had plans, she knew this, but broke off things before those plans could be carried out. Then about 1.5 to 2 weeks after arriving back home in Ohio, there it was, her Facebook cover photo had changed. It depicted her being at one of their local lakes there, there was no image of her, but she took a picture of her sitting at the lakes edge, part sky, part water and a fishing pole smack dab in the middle of the image. I knew she went fishing! I took it as a direct slap across my face, due to plans already made, then plans broken, it was like "hey Aaron, I don't need you anymore to go fishing, my parents took me, I don't need you anymore"!

 

So with that, I had to make the hard choice, keep doing this to myself or quit? I went ahead, and for my own mental sanity I quit! So hovering my mouse clicker over the Facebook Delete button, it was hard, flash backs to better days using Facebook flooded my mind, the newly seen fishing thing, I couldn't take it, then I depressed the mouse button to make that "click" sound and it was all over. About 2 years of relationship/romantic history, the words, the photo's, the "likes".........everything, it was gone in under a second!

 

So polaske93, if you think it's hard and maybe something you don't want to do, just re-read my post here, imagine getting slapped across the face by something that does disturb you, remember quite often....."what has been seen, can't be unseen"! So I would rather play it safe and not see at all.

 

Do what you will, but removing all form of social media out of my life has been a life saver.

 

"Just think about it"!

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