the day when everything falls into place...

[candie13]

this is a happy thread, I guess .

 

a thumbs up, to let those people out there who keep running into bad people and keep having unhappy experiences... there is a day when everything falls into place and when you get peace. When things turn out well. When you get back to your old balanced self and when you understand just how important those difficult encounters were. Because they give you experience.

 

It's day 41 of NC for me and it's the first day when I had not been spending more than half of my time, forcing myself to chase thoughts about my previous guy out of my head. The very first Saturday when I am actually ok with having little to no plans for the evening, when I see that I can meet people without forcing myself to - by using OLD, when things just... flow. Simply fall into place.

 

Maybe it's because I accept to let go, I don't know... but I am soooo happy for this break. I remember the panic attacks, and the Sundays.... omg, the Sundays were horrid. I think I've been crying every single Sunday after my break up (and several other days in between ). I can tell you exactly how many Sundays have passed since then. 5 !

 

So... walk the walk, stay strong, don't give in and if you keep doing all the right things, peace will come. Be consistent and by God, the mother of all healings after a heartbreaking break up is No Contact ! Really grateful to have met this site and to have had all this support ! Keep NC, work on yourself and give yourself time.

 

have a great weekend, everyone!

 

peace

Edited November 22, 2014 by candie13

[love2ride]

So happy for you. I can't wait until i'm there....gawd I can't wait

[candie13]

Love yourself. Forgive yourself for feeling weak - that was hard, because I felt like beating myself up for missing him. And if possible, do sports to make the endorphins kick in. It's stupid, but a simple thing like running 2-3 times a week do wonders.

 

I'd forgotten and when the slight depression kicked in, it was too late, I was feeling drained all the time. I had to fight by myself. to walk myself out of there.

 

whatever you do, whatever you do, DO NOT break NO CONTACT.

 

Best of luck !!!

[iDoodleEveryday]

hey glad to hear you are doing alot better.

 

sigh..i don't know if this will apply to me anytime soon. since we broke up but are having a cool-down peroid :|

[candie13]

It's a roller coaster still, iDE. I'm not out of the woods. But it's just one of those days when I don't feel a spike of adrenaline - usual sign of a "high" moment. I am just... calm. Numbed? Like he was never in my life. That's exactly how I feel like - like I've gotten my life back, pain free. At least for a day.

 

what was poisoning my thoughts was my mind. I kept thinking about the end, in circles. For days. Continuously. One day I've had enough, and actually took the decision, if I cannot help but thinking about it, to not just drown myself in regrets, but actually analyze calmly, coldly, what had happened. The results were chilling. Using a cold rational approach, detached helped me see the reality. Once I had understood the dynamic of it, it was easier. But I was really running away from that cold reality. The hardest part, for me, was to confront my worst fears. To embrace my deepest, coldest fears. Only after that is done, I was able to work on my emotional side. To bring it to the same level... and then to start working at letting go. LEtting go still is a b*tch, though.

 

But not thinking about it is a lot easier and it helps.

[Leegh]

Yes, very well said, and it also helps to take a day at a time, and just focus on the day at hand. Also, speaking for myself, when I am going through a break-up or another stressful situation, I do not drink any alcohol, as alcohol tends to intensify my emotions. Also, in the past I have called old boyfriends in a "weak" moment after drinking, which I would not have normally done if I had not been drinking.

[love2ride]

Ya today is rough. I feel sick and its dark and rainy. At work and struggling today. God i miss her

[Xidion]

Ya today is rough. I feel sick and its dark and rainy. At work and struggling today. God i miss her

 

Hang tight man. I'm going through the same thing. Having dreams of her.. waking up after 4 hours of sleep feeling alone and can't catch my breath. Get a calendar and everyday that passes where you go NC.. cross that day out. Visualize your accomplishment. I know it's hard... I miss my ex too.. but we cannot change what is happening. Remember how you were before you met her. You were just fine.

[candie13]

6 weeks of NC today. Xidion, I had done just that, I wrote the days myself down and crossed them out. My target is 3 months - 90 days. They say after 60 days it gets much better, but I just don't want to take any chances. I'm thinking that after 60 days, chances are I won't even count as life will naturally flow forward. It's only 6 weeks, it's sooo little... The first 3-4 were sooo hard. Especially the third one, I was dying inside. I was not crying at the time, I was just subconsciously bottling it all up. I remember training for this 10km race and being at the race. I knew for a fact his sister was doing the Nordic walk and one of this close mates was doing the 21 km... I remember preparing for the run, all the people around and feeling so lonely and miserable. After the first 3 km I was literally sick and just wanted to give up. I wanted to give up the race, I wanted to call him, I was acking to just stop... It was a glorious sunny day and the landscape was so beautiful, so calm, the lake nearby, the small villages, the houses and I was so low. I was not judging anymore - must have been the blood flow. I simply said - no, I will not give in. I had no idea why I was resisting, I was inconsolable. I was running and I was crying - the other runners must have thought I was mad. When I was out of breath, I was walking and crying. Then I was running again... I'l remember that race for the rest of my life. By the 5th km, I managed to get into a decent rhythm. By the 7th km I wanted to quit again. then, I don't know, I had realized I had made almost 2 thirds of the race and just... kept running. Finished the race - I won't tell you about the timing, as that was a disaster.

 

But I had started to cry. I had to let it all out. I think, for the first 2 weeks I was so disgusted and so turned off that I was refusing to allow myself to feel anything. That race allowed my emotions to burst out and you know what - that Sunday was horrid, but the next day I felt a bit more at ease. Rince and repeat. Rince and repeat.

 

I was in soooo much pain that it scared me. This is what actually helped me out. I had realized that if I would break NC, nothing would change. He wouldn't change, the situation wouldn't change... but I would be back to square one and had to make the same road all over again, to get out of that dark place. Thinking I would have to relive the same pain all over again helped me not unblock him from my phone - I was running with my phone in my hand. I was sweating and holding it soooo close in my hand... there it was, my fix . And I just... didn't give in. Maybe if I had thought that there is an ounce of goodness in my ex's nature, that there is anything to save... maybe I would have give in. There is none. My bad. My fault. My battle to fight, no need to get anyone else involved.

[candie13]

not sure what's going on, I seem to finally learn to let go. Today I have unblocked him from my phone. It was hard, the first half an hour, but composed myself and managed to focus at work, texted with my friends and did decent at school.

 

I feel the need to get invested in something - to invest my attention, to occupy my mind. I am this close to letting go for good. I feel a lot more free. I may be forgiving and moving on, because I don't feel the grudge or sadness anymore. Not today, anyway.

 

It's a good day. Tiring, but good progress.

[candie13]

day 47 of no contact. I think the dude must have noticed he is unblocked. We have one common friend and all of a sudden, he started telling me that my old flame is potentially soon inlove.

 

Ok, cheap blow. Yesterday I was not acting all that proud - in all honesty, I got a bit teary and all. But.... I continued with my schedule, went out to this work event with my school colleagues and then chatted with a good friend of mine.

 

It's cool that his mind is busy with another woman. Fantastic, his biggest gift is making other people miserable, the "best" thing that can happen to me is for him to have a new victim. Of course, had you asked me that yesterday, I would have slapped your face and told you to go home.

 

I love life. Everything changes all the time. To end it all, last night I got a dinner invitation. Life goes on. Cannot wait for day 60 - the magic number after which apparently life gets much easier...

[candie13]

hey, guys, it happened. I think I got enough of the suffering, decided to let it go away and move on.

 

One month ago I had a really nice guy, attentive, kind... and as expected I ran away as fast as I could. A man to treat me well, such a strange concept. I had an epiphany yesterday... I am tired of being scared and running away and holding on to pain. So I did what seemed right to me: I looked back to understand if I am ready to move on. And... I had apologized to the young man. Today he wrote me back.

 

Irrelevant of what happens next, I think I closed a chapter behind me. Almost day 50 ... but who's counting, nowadays ?

[candie13]

hehe, the motherf*cker came back on day 51. Yup, ladies and gentlemen, he did. Like a flower. Why had I blocked him, he wants to see me for drinks. Didn't even try to understand why I had blocked him or anything. Right on to business . I was caught off guard. We laughed at some stupid jokes and I said ok. We were supposed to meet up on Thursday. My plan was to cancel a couple of times, heat him up real good and then tell him that I'm not actually interested.

 

Today, he texted asking some sleezy questions - if for a massage, I'd had to chose between lavander oil and cocoa butter, which one I'd prefer. In all honesty, he pissed me off so royally that I canceled minutes later. I told him I would prefer a guy to know me well enough that this choice would be reasonably easy. But to respond to his question, he should just pick one - if the chick comes for the massage and is willing to take off her clothes, oil or butter... who cares . After that I told him I had other plans for Thursday. He never asked for another date - surprise surprise ! Some people are such dirtbags that they cut even the most honest and sincere desire to play mind games .

 

anyway, I guess he must like the new chick a lot to be running so fast in the opposite direction. I know, he's done it with me. Best of luck with the self sabotage, I am outta there !

 

Anyway, one thing's for sure, he's not gonna ask me out again, haha.

[candie13]

and... I was wrong . nothing burns a player more than a chick saying calmly "nope, it ain't gonna happen". I decided to not even waste my breath. I just ignore.

 

he'll come back again . I'll tell you how the ignoring goes

[candie13]

four and a half months later, I receive a friendship request on fb. his best friend knows I am dating a new guy and that we're good together . Guess who hit the ignore button !