slh71 Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I met this girl 4 months ago. Instant connection, strongest "spark" I've ever felt with any woman. It was an amazing feeling and I fell completely head over heals for her in love. I'd never ever felt even remotely close to this about anyone. There were a million issues....it was a toxic relationship where I did everything for her and she did virtually nothing for me. She is a drug addict and I tried to save her. We did rehab twice which I paid for, both times she relapsed almost immediately. She's currently planning on another rehab this week (I'm not paying for that). We've broken up several times in this very short span but I always get sucked back in because I give her a lot of slack about how she treats me because of the drugs. I keep thinking "If it wasn't for the drugs....she'd be perfect." but the fact is, and I've really only just now realized this...she's not perfect. She's a liar, a manipulator, a user of men, she's negative, she's broken, she does not want to change her life for real, there is no way I can fix her, you can not fix people they have to fix themselves. So I've got all my reasons, and yesterday I told her how I felt. I mean really let her have it, I said everything. All she could say was "give it another week"...... come on! Really? That's it? Her mind is so fried and her emotions so numb that it's like speaking to a zombie sometimes. I got caught up. I idealized her, and what she "could be" if she got off drugs and cleaned her life up. But I'm realizing now how stupid I have been. I projected my own fantasy onto her, and of course she agreed with it all because I was financing her whole life and addiction pretty much. So I've realized I have to give up on the "dream" as I call it. The dream of a clean and happy, positive girl that she will never be. I have to let it go and it's so damn hard....... She's so amazingly beautiful to me, when she's good she's so very good and everything feels perfect, but those times are so rare, maybe a few hours per week if that..... I've got to let go and I just can't seem to. I need help. I know I should just go NC and block her number. I went NC for 10 days with her a couple weeks ago and it was absolute hell for me emotionally. When she called I answered and this all started up again. I didn't fully realize a week ago all the things I do now but I just feel so numb. I can't eat, I can't work, I have no desire to do anything at all but sit here and mope about her and things..... Link to post Share on other sites
howcouldInotknow Posted November 16, 2014 Share Posted November 16, 2014 I have to say walk away. My friend had a similar situation. He fell in love with an addict he tried to save her he almost ruined his own in the process Link to post Share on other sites
Author slh71 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Share Posted November 18, 2014 Just an update, I've broken up with her and I'm trying to recover and move on. I've realized who she really is now and it could never work. She needs to fix herself, and only she can do that. Shame..... Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 (edited) i have had two relationships with drug addicts spanning most of my adult life.....i am surrounded by people who struggle with drugs including family members.......it will eventually probably kill me or one of them will...walk away while you can you cant fix people with drugs.only god above...while the source is always there its constant temptation.i moved interstate with one partner ...correction i ran with him..i set offa bomb and i left with nothing.....bar him and my family and one raggedy suitcase.........he found another source.......you cant have an intimate relationship with someone who uses illicit drugs the drugs are always the first love......you come in a tired and stressed out second.....i wish you well...and hope that your ex or current sees the light...you can be a drug addicts support, sponsor or person they turn to when their life goes to hell but never their lover....as soon as you feel you are close to resolution it is always an illusion....deb Edited November 18, 2014 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Author slh71 Posted November 18, 2014 Author Share Posted November 18, 2014 Thanks for that Deb, I really needed to hear that last part. You are so so right. But man alive this is killing me. It's so very hard to give her up. I have, and I'm trying really hard not to think about her but it's all I do every minute of every day....... She and I had a very ugly text session yesterday, she said a lot of hurtful things. She knows the money train is over, and that I will never ever buy her drugs or give her money again, and that's when things got nasty. Of course..... I see who she is now but a big part of me is having a lot of trouble letting go. When she was good she was oh so good, she's the most convincing liar I've ever met. She could charm the pants off of any man alive, I have no doubt of that, she really is otherworldly in her charm. I got totally sucked into the fantasy of fixing her and helping her to become the person "she" wanted to be, but it was all in my head and I have to keep reminding myself of this fact but it doesn't make it much easier. She texted me today and was so sweet and nice, sounded like the girl she was when we first me, and yet I know it's all bs. She's just trying to rope me right back in and it sucks because the power she has over me is tremendous even with all the knowledge I have. I'm too soft. I really need to meet someone else and right away I think so I can forget about her and get her out of my heart and mind.....this blows. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 She texted me today and was so sweet and nice, sounded like the girl she was when we first me, and yet I know it's all bs. She's just trying to rope me right back in and it sucks because the power she has over me is tremendous even with all the knowledge I have. I'm too soft. I really need to meet someone else and right away I think so I can forget about her and get her out of my heart and mind.....this blows. Block her and go No Contact. That is your only chance. Anything else won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
welyam Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Just an update, I've broken up with her and I'm trying to recover and move on. I've realized who she really is now and it could never work. She needs to fix herself, and only she can do that. Shame..... sorry to hear that but i know, you made the right decision. i hope all will goes well for you. it's not easy, but hang in there bud! Link to post Share on other sites
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