My story and questions

[Brimstone]

Recent events have made me wanting to share my story on here. It's quite long, but please bare with me to the end.

 

 

I was 22 and I met my ex-girlfriend at university in England 2010. We got lumped in the same student accommodation flat so we met by total chance(we lived wall to wall).

It was love at first sight, atleast for me.

We became really good friends and grew closer and closer over the course of about 5 months.

A "situation" in her best friend's life made her really upset so she came to me for support, and we ended up kissing for the first time.

 

A week later we were intimate for the first time.

This became almost a daily thing, and after a few weeks we decided we wanted to officially be boyfriend/girlfriend. I was ecstatic. She was my first real girlfriend.

And it was her, the girl I loved from the second I put my eyes on her. Incredible.

 

Time went on, we became more and more in love. We did everything together.

I met her family for the first time at Easter-break 2011, and I loved them too. It was great.

 

I was only in university for 1 year, and my original plan was to do the year and go back home(Norway) when it was over.

But I met this girl who made me want to change those plans. Tried to get into university again, but I didn't. Needless to say I was devastated.

But she said I could stay with her(she moved into a house with 3 other girls, and they were all cool with it, no problem whatsoever)

 

After moving in at the start of summer, she went away to do an internship(3-4weeks) and I missed her like crazy. She later revealed to me that during this time she was starting to have doubts about us, but after talking to friends about it she was assured to make this work.

 

During the year in the girl house, I looked/applied for jobs etc. but I didn't get any(The job market in England was at an all time low) The money I had was savings from playing in a semi-successful band and doing sessions for other artists. I tried to get into university again the next year, but I couldn't get funding for it. So I had to go home to Norway to figure something out. About 2 months went by in a long distance relationship, and it didn't do well for her(or me).

She was non-communicative in e-mails and was flaking on Skype calls(as was I). I asked her time and time again "when can I come over and see you?" and getting "I don't know" in response. In retrospect I realize the relationship was dying at this point.

 

So, I had a breakdown and sent her an e-mail one night about why she didn't say I Love You anymore, and about how much I have sacrificed to be in this relationship and make it work.(I passed on the chance of touring with a MAJOR pop-star in order to be with this girl) I was fully committed to this relationship. So we Skyped and she broke up with me. 18th November 2012. About a week after her birthday.

 

I did everything I could for this girl. I put my life on hold for her, to be there for her and to help her through her degree. What I was left with was anger, bitterness and hatred. Mostly towards myself. Could I have done more? The answer is no. I did all I could, to the point of exhaustion.

I was angry because I couldn't be better.

 

It did not help that 5 months later I had to go back to England and pick up my stuff from her, because she "didn't want to go through the trouble of sending it".

We sat and cried together for about 2 hours in my hotel room that night. I felt awful for about a week after that. Then I started to get better. Happier. Had friends that cared and took time to speak to me and so on.

 

She was out of sight out of mind. Everything started to get better. About a year after we broke up, I felt we were done. I had gotten over her.

My career has been going great. Gotten to play with some of my musical heroes. Done music for commercials and so on.

And a definite highlight getting to work with Joseph-Gordon Levitt on his tv-show "HitRECord on TV" AND winning an Emmy in the process. (head on over to the HitRECord site if you want to work with our community)

Currently working on my own album.

 

 

THEN, 3 days ago a friend mentioned casually that she has a new boyfriend and it was like getting a baseball bat to the stomach.

And I want to know why.

 

So, what I'm thinking is that:

 

- My subconscious was not over her(although I really don't have any romantic feelings for her at all, honest. We're NOT getting back together)

 

- Disappointed in myself that I hadn't moved on romantically(I've had a relationship since then but it didn't go anywhere)

 

- Jealous that she's gotten a new companion while I haven't?

 

- Or is it the feeling of definite closure?

 

 

I'm afraid that this will set me back a bit for the time being.

I've cried my eyes out several times since I found out(Saturday was the lowest I've ever been). But I don't know why.

When I think about her, there's no romantic feelings there at all.

I just want to know why I'm feeling like this now. I thought I was free of her...

 

I hope from now on, and with good words from friends and good people on here, I can move on quickly.

 

This is the first time I've shared this story with anyone, so it's taken alot of energy to write this. But I'm actually feeling a little bit better after putting pen to paper so to speak. And to know that I'm not alone in this.

 

I realize that I wrote this mostly for myself but I appreciate any response to this. Thanks for reading!

[Mr Scorpio]

I think both of the questions you asked are answered in the affirmative.

 

Yes, you may be jealous that you haven't attained a new, worthwhile relationship while she apparently has. And yes, you are likely feeling some pain from the final nail of closure being driven through the heart of a relationship.

 

It is certainly painful. I'm sorry you're going through it. But it can also be a learning experience. It sounds like you gave up some career opportunities, which you have since recovered, for the sake of the relationship.

 

Understand that many romantic relationships, especially at younger ages, can be fickle. Sacrificing so much of yourself, and potentially your future, for one can be a dangerous gamble. Bear that in mind when the next gal comes along.

[Brimstone]

Thank you for your reply Scorpio. I feel much better today!

[Brimstone]

Just posting a little update:

 

I feel ALOT better. Still get a knot in my stomach maybe once a day or every other day, but most important I DON'T FEEL SAD ANYMORE.

 

When you break up with someone you feel terrible about every aspect of your life.

Career's awful, friends are awful, family is awful. You know, EVERYTHING is awful!

 

Now everything is good!

 

Progress!

 

A lesson to everyone going through the worst of times, it does get better. I once thought it wouldn't get better. Even just a week ago.

 

Thanks again for reading!

 

Peace, love & good happiness stuff to anyone going through a tough time!