Can't keep up the pretence

[Sixandout]

It's literally just dawned on me tonight that I can't keep up this pretence any longer. Everything is not OK. My life has been turned upside down. I'm not OK about being replaced within a matter of weeks of our 6 six year relationship ending. I'm sick of pretending to everyone that I'm fine - I'm not! It's months now. I'm embarrassed that I'm still not over it, but I'm not! My birthday is approaching and we'd normally be/going on holiday now... As I've literally been replaced you're going on holiday at the usual time with my replacement. That is not good. You're not a nice person. I've never felt so bad. Dating is meaningless. Friends a distraction. I don't know what else to do. I feel like I've reached the end of the road. What now? X

[Ronni_W]

Sixandout...so NOW you have given yourself a good and proper chance to start getting over it. There is nothing at all to be embarrassed about. A six-year long relationship takes more than six months to get over...especially if you were happy in it and did not see the end coming.

 

Your friends and family and loved ones, no matter how well-meaning, most likely do not have the expertise to offer you the kind of support and wisdom and insights that you need. It's not saying anything bad about them; just acknowledging the facts of the matter. They have the desire to help you, but not the skill or mental-emotional resources.

Most likely you have been their rock and anchor. (My guess, based on the fact that you're feeling embarrassed about not getting over your six-year long relationship in some arbitrarily-arrived at time-frame.)

 

Will you consider enlisting the help of a professional? It's okay for you to do that; it's okay for you to be the one to need some help, for some things, sometimes. It's okay to stop pretending for the sake of others.

 

Hugs and best.

Edited October 2, 2014 by Ronni_W
clarification

[Stsm5934]

I agree, with Ronni, you don't need to be OK right now. I'm not saying you should fall apart and cry for hours everyday, but if you need to do that once and awhile, its ok. It's ok to not feel normal or happy or fine. It's OK to feel exactly the way that you do feel. Also, there are going to be things (like your birthday) that trigger intense feelings. But also, distractions aren't the worse things when going through a break-up. You don't need to constantly be feeling all this.

 

Also, try not to focus too much on being "replaced", trust me, your ex's desire to move on so quickly is a simply a desire to not deal with his own feelings and to be truly comfortable with himself. It's highly unlikely that he was able to process a 6 year relationship and be in a healthy place to move on after six months.