Negative reinforcement

[SycamoreCircle]

I am 6 months out of a loving relationship that ended terribly. I deal everyday with the pain. I have followed NC strictly, with a few lapses of checking her social media. The biggest problem now is my mind tends to wander into thoughts about it.

 

Has anyone ever tried "punishing" yourself as a way of coping? I mean, I think I've had a sufficient amount of time to process what happened and get clarity. What if I now, every time my mind wandered into these dark places, put a punishment on myself, e.g. having to stop what I'm doing and take a walk around the block. Cold showers? Washing my mouth out with soap?

 

I'm totally serious. Could negative reinforcement help to flush the endless re-playing of events in my mind?

[Sunbathe]

What you're talking about isnt actually negative reinforcement, it's called positive punishment. Anyways aside from the logistics, I don't think its that good of an idea. Positive reinforcement is always more effective. Find something that is reinforcing to you and reward yourself for steps you make in your recovery. Reward yourself for NC and for staying away from her social media.

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

I am 6 months out of a loving relationship that ended terribly. I deal everyday with the pain. I have followed NC strictly, with a few lapses of checking her social media. The biggest problem now is my mind tends to wander into thoughts about it.

 

Has anyone ever tried "punishing" yourself as a way of coping? I mean, I think I've had a sufficient amount of time to process what happened and get clarity. What if I now, every time my mind wandered into these dark places, put a punishment on myself, e.g. having to stop what I'm doing and take a walk around the block. Cold showers? Washing my mouth out with soap?

 

I'm totally serious. Could negative reinforcement help to flush the endless re-playing of events in my mind?

 

 

Only if you have done wrong... most of the time men do not see any wrong, so they don't bother with their own punishment.

 

Many men who punish themselves are sensitive guys who feel guilty for not being able to see the truth.

 

Why punish yourself if you allowed yourself to be hurt??? Women an men do it more than I like to see, but it seems like the more one hurts the more they want to rip their own hearts out.

 

I took my pain as a personal accomplishment of showing I do care and love, when many think I can be so insensitive. So I don't show emotion and don't see it around me as easily as others. That is my own personal limitation, that I don't beat myself up for. I accept who I am, as being different, and will not allow myself to be hurt like I have, by ignoring what I get over what I need.

 

Find your limitations, and build them up to be less so. If you find a limitation that cannot be changed, manage it. Allow the other to understand that it will always be a part of you, so they can understand and work with you.

 

I found a better way to show my emotions by allowing my feelings to be expressed in words. So there is no question about what I feel, even though I may not express my happiness or sadness like others. Did I need to beat myself up, no... Just found another way out of feeling lost about an issue I cannot control.

[MisterT29]

I would not recommend punishing yourself. Instead, what I would do is, what you can do is when you notice your about to do the thing that you do not want to do, instead of doing it or punishing yourself with something bad.

 

Then, do something that you LIKE instead. It will work much better and will create a more positive experience for you.

[Itspointless]

I am 6 months out of a loving relationship that ended terribly. I deal everyday with the pain. I have followed NC strictly, with a few lapses of checking her social media. The biggest problem now is my mind tends to wander into thoughts about it.

 

Has anyone ever tried "punishing" yourself as a way of coping? I mean, I think I've had a sufficient amount of time to process what happened and get clarity. What if I now, every time my mind wandered into these dark places, put a punishment on myself, e.g. having to stop what I'm doing and take a walk around the block. Cold showers? Washing my mouth out with soap?

 

I'm totally serious. Could negative reinforcement help to flush the endless re-playing of events in my mind?

 

Perhaps it is more of a help to try this as a way to free your mind, as sometimes our minds go on repeat and can't get out of the groove themselves: Eating Disorders and Body Image: Psychosynthesis Disidentification Meditation (Body, Feelings, Mind) | Jodie Gale

[Ronni_W]

Has anyone ever tried "punishing" yourself as a way of coping?

I have used that with some success, yes. It's a tried-and-true trick, which also is (or was) promoted by T. Harv Eker of the 'Millionaire Mind' organization.

Anyway...I forget what the heck negative thought it was, that I was trying to "eliminate and delete", but I used a heavy rubber band around my wrist and whacked myself real good with it whenever I became aware that I was thinking the unwanted thought. Or maybe it was to get control of using the f-word. It works very well.

I wouldn't wash my mouth with soap, though...that is too cruel and unusual and inhumane, in my book . But if it works for you then...give it a shot...why not?

Edited October 1, 2014 by Ronni_W
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