Huge emotional roller coaster of a year and I'm feeling really down

[neverendingstory]

So its been the most difficult year of my life and its taking a rather large tole on me emotionally. For some context, I’m a 27 year old male living in Los Angeles.

 

Short version:

Work dried up, GF left me, went broke, was depressed, found job, got back on my feet, reconnected with ex, got laid off, realized ex was using me, cut her off, depressed and lonely once again.

 

Long version:

Towards the end of the year in 2013 my freelance work slows down to a hault. I began struggling to find work and it affected a bunch of aspects of my life. I was deeply involved with a girl at this point for 2 years. The mix of holiday expenses, looking for work, and struggling to maintain my relationship, I fell pretty hard in a stress fueled depression. My girlfriend while she tried to be there was fairly fed up with what was going on and she broke up with me. She placed a lot of blame on me and my life for how she felt.

At this point, I had practically ran out of money. I decided to move home to AZ and subleased my room to a friend. Last minute, but after my friend moved in, I decided not to move. I made a deal with my roommates to let me sleep in the spare room in exchange for gifting them my tv and a couple couches.

During this time, my ex had contacted me and we reconnected a couple times then stopped talking because she still needed space and “wasnt ready”. It was extremely frustrating to have her bring me back into her life only to tell me she can't be there for me. All while her expressing everywhere I went wrong in the relationship. We had a very loving relationship and by most accounts. I was blown away by what how she felt I did her wrong. The problems she mentioned were very fixable and I was determined to do so. I just needed to get stable first (or so i thought). I was extremely stressed out not knowing what to do and daily almost on the verge of tears.

Miraculously, I landed a full time job doing something that I loved. This kick started my confidence and I finally felt like I could stand once more. My ex was out of the picture for the time being and I started discovering myself a bit more. I began getting back into athletic shape, I joined a couple sports teams and started working out really hard. I bought new clothes and generally felt like a new man.

I started being more social due to having money to spend again. I went on dates and was meeting new girls. None of which I grew a connection with but it felt good none the less. My ex got in contact with me again and we started connecting again. She would still tell me shes not ready and I would do my best to give her space still. We continued to develop a closer connection that I felt was really healthy. She asked me to sleep over one night and we just held each other. It was really nice and I felt like everything was falling back in place.

Days past after that, I messaged my ex and we talked like normal. All good, still I felt very confused about that night and it sent me in a regression of sadness. We didn't discuss anything I felt like she could just leave me again.

That same week, 4 months after I was hired, the company had to do 6 layoffs and I was one of them. That was a week ago to this day. I felt destroyed all of a sudden. My ex and I decided to hang out yesterday. We went to dinner, held hands in the car, and flirted a little. She was a bit standoffish at first and didn't like the idea I brought her a sunflower (which she used to love when I did that) from the farmers market.

She had pulled up her laptop and I saw a chat thread with a new guy i've never met. I also happened to see on her phone when she was next to me the same name. It made me feel jealous and I did something I've never done before. She went to the bathroom and I looked at the chat thread on her phone. They were flirting and were talking about how they were kissing the previous time they hung out. Something clicked with me and I realized i'm being used. She came back in the room and I was already putting my shoes back on, she said what's wrong. I proclaimed i'm not ready to be friends with her yet. She tried to talk me down but she still exclaimed she's “not ready” to be romantic with me but she still loves me. Which to me sounded like BS considering the way shes treating this other guy. I told her to not contact me unless she feels shes ready and I said I won't contact her until I feel i'm ready to just be friends. She cried, we hugged, and I left.

 

I feel like crap, I lost my best friend, my job, and im back in a place where i'm not sure how to proceed.

 

I felt like I was almost out of this hole and suddenly i've fallen right back to the bottom.

[Justaguy30]

I went through a similar situation. I lost everything and my GF wasn't being supportive. You just have look deep down into yourself and pull your **** together. I still haven't but I am hell bent on doing so. No one is going to be there for you but you.

[falxmanolo]

Nobody wants **** to happen to them but sometimes it just does.. some times we make stupid mistakes for e.g. you trying to patch things with your ex.

Please, let her go. Everybody deserves unbearable, absolute love! The kind that doesn't leave you when you're stressed and broke! YOU deserve real love!

I am so sorry about all these things that are happening but hey!! look at you!! sitting there behind the screen with the energy to type all this- you're surviving!! You can get through this buddy! Sending you lots of hugs and a big pat on the back! Well done on going through this BS and still having the courage to discuss it, you have it in you to get past this and perhaps one day smile at how these forums inspired you to shed the weight of holding on to a person who wouldn't do half of what you would do for them!

[Mr Scorpio]

You did the right thing in initiating no contact with her.

 

 

The fact that she was a bit standoffish at first indicates that she was uncomfortable acting flirty with you. But she did it anyway. That doesn't make her evil per se. Maybe she does feel like she wants to be with you at times. But if she doesn't want it all the time then you are at an impasse.

 

 

Beyond that, the economy has been rough on young folk. If she wasn't able to tolerate you having career trouble once, why would she be able to tolerate it in the future?

 

 

"They say" money is the number one reason couples separate. I don't know if you mentioned your respective ages, but maybe she is getting to that age where she wants a partner that can help provide a house/vacations/etc.

 

 

It is understandable that you aren't sure how to proceed. You're in a fog. Still, you can prioritize. Your first priority must be finding work. While it is good that you are living w/ friends, sleeping in a spare room is a piss poor situation. Do whatever you can to find some sort of work, whether it is related to your career or not.

 

 

Once you have that based covered, then you can get to taking care of you. Exercise. Hobbies. Reading. Exercise. Clean food. Good sleep. Exercise. Water. Positive thought. Exercise.

[SycamoreCircle]

Hang in there, man. This crippled economy and its routine lay offs is no reflection of who you are or your self-worth. I've been to countries where the typical man is reduced to selling lemonade on the side of the road or lottery tickets.

 

Also, if someone will bail on you for difficulties that are very much a part of life, they are not in it for the long haul.

 

You were good to this woman. She returned. She knows you're a good guy.

 

Can she be emotionally faithful to you? No.

 

So, you can't be in a relationship with her.

 

As an above poster pointed out, get your priorities straight. Get on your feet and know that you are a worthwhile person and a good man.