hopelessromanticchic Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 (edited) Welp, im obviously here because im having a hard time coping with the loss, break up, disappearance of someone? I dont even know what it was actually but it has definetly taken a toll on me. Long story short. Talked to this guy for 3, almost 4 months. He seemed too "busy" for me. He started acting very cold after us having sex and drinking and i got sick from it. I didnt really trust this guy since he was very reserved and didnt talk to me much about his life. Had some anger issues. Would get mad over the dumbest things and wouldnt talk to me for days at times! I know i should have let it go and just try to slowly move away from him but i really wanted find out if he was hiding something from me because to me it seemed he was having a double life. I asked a mutual "friend" to try to talk to him online for me to see how he would act. She sent me the conversation and I got so upset because he gave her his number and sounded so desperate for her to talk to him. I confronted him about it and he said they were just friends that i wasnt his girlfriend and he didnt need to lie to me that i had trust issues. About a couple weeks later he randomly stopped talking to me for a week i had no idea what was going on. He finally texted me back and told me he had found out i had sent my friend to talk to him to see what he would do. He got upset and since then i havnt heard from him. Its been almost 2 months i have texted him and have gotten no reply, he blocked me on social media so idk what hes up to. I was left so hurt because i didnt get closure. He didnt even bother telling me he didnt want to talk to me anymore. This is the reason why im still upset about it. He made me catch feelings and then disappears out of nowhere, cold turkey. I know it was childish what i did and yes i have trust issues which he knew that and i told him i would work on. But for someone to have no problem with cutting someone off for something that can be matured and moved on from def shows he didnt care at all. It seems like he was just playing games with me. But even knowing this, knowing i cant have respect for a coward like him i still think of him. Ive been depressed, ive lost weight. I have tried to see other guys which has helped me mask that "loss" feeling. But for some reason i still cry sometimes at night. I would really like to talk to him to get closure out of w.e it was we had. But its kind of hard when you dont exist to that person anymore. Have any of you ever been left with this feeling? Did you ever get that apology/closure/explanation you needed to move on? Edited September 22, 2014 by hopelessromanticchic Link to post Share on other sites
zen2475 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Honestly, unless you have a mutual agreement that you are exclusive, he is free to do whatever he wants to do. It seems you were much more invested in the relationship than he was, so you got frustrated because he wasn't rising up to your expectations. When someone is less invested than you and is appearing to only make you an option, you cut them loose so you can find someone who will truly value you. I know it's painful and difficult, but it saves you a lot of frustration in the long run. Bottom line is he disappeared because you played games with him and he found out. That is a reasonable consequence, and something that should have been expected. Frankly, I would have disappeared also. I think you should take this as a lesson hard learned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 You obviously are attached to something that you never had. Hate to sound so negative, but you do need to wake up and see the truth in your brake up. He did you a favor by cutting you off. It is a matter of you figuring out how to resolve your attachment issues. No guy wants a woman that is clingy, unless they want to use them. He felt he was using you, until he felt used. Meaning if a guy has no attachment and thinks of you as a mutual friend, your sex drive and wants being pushed on to him without same feelings makes your friendship an effort. Thus the used feeling. You need to redefine your views on a mutual friendship, knowing you cannot expect one thing or another but how you trust and interact with your friend. Obviously he took your actions being closer to a BF / GF relationship. If anything you should never let yourself get that attached to something that has little return. Learn to love and respect yourself 100% first of, and only attach that deeply when someone is able to love and respect you the same. Sorry to sound so direct but it is the only way to show what needs to be worked on in your life to make your life the best it can be. As I don't like seeing someone go and repeat the same process over and over again, when less effort can be done to resolve and find better things in life much quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelessromanticchic Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 Thank you sdrawkcaB ssA and zen2475 for your replies. You both are right i invested more time in this guy than he did in me. We weren't together but in my mind we were. The fact that he would tell me he loved me after a couple months messed with my head. He once said he saw a future with me and even introduced me to his mother. I guess i took this more serious than what it really was. In my mind we were closer to a relationship i was thinking things would eventually get better. Communication would improve and he might start investing more time in me. When i like someone i tend to always give 110%. I really dont know how to let the other person come to me. I feel as if the other person will notice and will eventually meet me half way but it never turns out that way. They either lose interest and see me more as a fun friend and great person to talk to or they just disappear. It really sucks because i would die for a guy to treat me the way i treat him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelessromanticchic Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 (edited) When will i be the girl a guy invests in no matter how messed up i am? Im so nice and sweet and try my best to make them laugh. The only place it ends me up at is being just a friend or forgotten about. I put 110% in someone i like when im only getting 10% *theres nothing i want more than to finally have my feelings corresponded by the person im interested in. I know i have trust issues, im a lil clingy, im super jealous but i would never ever hurt the person that has my heart. The only time i get crazy its kus im crazy for that person and i become selfish and want to make sure theyre just mine. Whats so wrong with that? I don't want to give up on finding true love, but im exhausted. I feel like crap sometimes thinking i could have done or said something different that maybe then that person would have stuck around. I try to be as honest as possible from the beginning so later they wont be surprised. Am i just supposed to pretend im perfect? Because im not! I just want someone to say im amazing with out the "but" next to it. Edited September 23, 2014 by hopelessromanticchic Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 You obviously had hard time through all of this. I guess, you should rediscover yourself, and give yourself another chance to find your life again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelessromanticchic Posted September 23, 2014 Author Share Posted September 23, 2014 (edited) Reels, Yes I have and im still having a hard time. Its not even like it was a years relationship. Mentally i let myself get like this. I really wanted to be with this guy it just really hurt that he didnt even offer his friendship to me or even without a goodbye. He just left without a care how i felt about it. It wasnt like i cheated or something similar. He just took it as an excuse to go. I want to find myself again. Im exhausted. Im so tired of thinking about this situation. I used to able to get over things quickly. A guy doesnt like me? Ok then! His loss one mans trash is another mans treasure. But now each time something like this happens my self esteem gets lower and lower and i start thinking i was just not worth the time or effort. I guess i need more time to get back on ground. Edited September 23, 2014 by hopelessromanticchic Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted September 23, 2014 Share Posted September 23, 2014 No one is perfect. I am not sure that how many times you had the disappointment, but I hope that you learned something every time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopelessromanticchic Posted September 24, 2014 Author Share Posted September 24, 2014 Reels, The dissapearing move this guy played on me is the first. I never had to go and try to find out stuff about a guy like i did with this dude because they all told me about their life. They actually atleast pretended to be interested in the conversation at the beginning. This guy seemed too busy all the time for me. He was the only guy i was talking to. I was being loyal to someone who wasnt in a relationship with. The times i had to creep around to find out things were with an ex of mine who i suspected was cheating.. Which he always was. And i think this guy reminded me of him so much bybthe way he treated me that i thought i was back in that unhealthy relationship. Ill tell you its taking me a while to get over this situation but i am learning to stop being so naiive. Not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt but atleast i need to learn when to walk away from a person if something seems off. Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 Yes, never believe anyone the way you did before. Give some time. If there is something wrong, kindly reconsider. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 We weren't together but in my mind we were. Please stay out of your head in situations like this. If he did not ask you to be his woman please don't assume. And don't have sex with a man until you are clear about where you stand with him. Lesson learned. You don't need anything from him. Just chalk it up to experience and keep it moving. Best wishes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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