glamtran Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Hi, even though I'm 26 I've never really heard of NC until I joined this board. I get the feeling that NC is compulsory based on some of the posts I read here. But how can that be? Many people remain friends or booty calls after a breakup, and it works for them. What if you initiate the break up but feel like there's so much more to say. I'm going through this right now. Just for clarification or closure purposes perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 When there are too many fights, failed interactions, you have to chose NC. Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Also when one of you still has deep feelings and is hanging on for that glimpse of hope, but the other has moved on already. You're better off cutting loose and living your life without them being part of it in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I don't know where you're from, but most breakups do not transition smoothly into bootycalls or friendships. Sure, they exist, but almost every time one person is miserable because they have buried unrequited feelings. It's torture for the person who "cares" the most and ends up being even more harmful to them than the actual breakup. No Contact is advised because situations like the one you've described are toxic an overwhelming percentage of the time. No Contact allows you to recover, move forward, and evolve. FWB does none of that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I don't actually know many people, if any, who are real friends with an ex. They might be on good terms or civil to one another if they happen to meet, but I don't think that constitutes real friendship. As for being a booty call, that's just sad and painful for the person who didn't want it to end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author glamtran Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 Well it also seems that NC is more for the dumped rather than the dumper. Is that the consensus? I would guess the dumper would have more wiggle room with this. Link to post Share on other sites
True Gent Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Well it also seems that NC is more for the dumped rather than the dumper. Is that the consensus? I would guess the dumper would have more wiggle room with this. Not necessarily, I dumped my first serious girlfriend and I went NC on her. She wouldn't leave me alone or take no for an answer. I had to change my phone number and ignore any correspondence I received from her. 8 years later she contacted me through facebook, again I blocked and ignored her. I did this not to hurt her, but to fully enforce the fact that I'd had enough of her behaviour and I couldn't put up with her unreasonable outbursts anymore. Giving her an inch would of meant she'd take a mile. Full NC was the only way to make her realise we were done and I honestly was so sick of her all I wanted was her out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Arient Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 One more thing to add, I think sometimes when you are the dumper, implementing and sticking to NC is also a way to help the dumpee. It's a way to emphasize the fact that things are over, and a great way to cut down the false hope. My ex said he wanted and was tempted to contact me many times but always tried to hold back because he thought for my sake and knew it's better for my healing Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 You don't have much choice, unless you want even more pain. Link to post Share on other sites
singsparkles Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Hi, even though I'm 26 I've never really heard of NC until I joined this board. I get the feeling that NC is compulsory based on some of the posts I read here. But how can that be? Many people remain friends or booty calls after a breakup, and it works for them. What if you initiate the break up but feel like there's so much more to say. I'm going through this right now. Just for clarification or closure purposes perhaps? My question is, did you initiate the break up? If you did, it sounds like you still have some sort of feelings for this person if you have more to say. Did the relationship end badly or cordial? Is this person still not over you? If you initiated the breakup & know you have no want to get back together with this person, I would say to keep holding onto the NC rule so you don't hurt this person further or worse. If you do still have feelings (you have to dig deep within yourself and figure this out), then you have to figure out what u want and talk to this person about that. Link to post Share on other sites
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