tropicarrie Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 We were in a LDR for about 4 years. In early jan 2014, we spoke via video chat and had an argument because we hadn't spoken for a month. So, from Nov 2013-Jan 2013, he didn't talk to me/text/call me because he told me he was very busy with work and he lives with his family and they just had a new baby. I was very unhappy and basically told him that I felt like he didn't treat me right that past month and I felt as if he didn't love me. We told each other good night without resolving the argument and then he disappeared from my life. He stopped contacting me but he would read every single one of my messages that I sent via voicemail or I would leave instant messenger messages. The bi weekly messages I sent basically told him that I still loved him and I would wait for him. 2 weeks ago, he sent me a reply e-mail to a very long e-mail I sent him telling him that he really hurt me by disappearing but I still loved him despite that. He replied telling me that "he wanted me to figure out that he's let the relationship go because he felt like he was always chasing something he couldn't get his hands on and even if he did, he would have to let it go again. Then he said that to clear everything, he has let me go and he has made his mind on it." We've had a very long history together. We were there for each other during our darkest times. When we were together, we had a lot of fun together but we would argue about communication problems like twice a month or something. He wouldn't be communicating with me as much as I wanted because he told me he was very busy with work 10am-10pm and he is a full time college student like me . All I wanted was a text telling me that he would be going to bed early or something because then I wouldn't have to wait for him, as well I really liked it when he send me nice messages. We talked a lot about getting together, marrying each other, getting an apartment together . He told me that I was his "the one" and that he would never love anyone as much as he loved me. He was my bestfriend, my support system, the one who I went to for anything and everything and I felt like we could be 100% ourselves. After the break up e-mail, I instantly freaked because I felt like I lost everything. I couldn't focus on work and just constantly cried for about a week and half. When I read the e-mail, I went on instant messenger and wrote a ton of stuff about how unfortunate we both are because of how poor we are (can't afford visits) and that maybe in the future we could try again. I also talked about how much I missed him and he read all my messages. I haven't contacted him in about 2 weeks due to my friends keeping me from throwing away all of my pride. I feel so angry that he would do that (that he would read my messages when I told him how much I still loved him) and then send me an email telling me that he wanted me to figure out that he let the relationship go and waited 8 months to send it. I feel like I'm in denial because I feel like he still loves me but couldn't do distance anymore. I feel sad because I felt like I was thrown away and strung along for 8 months. What should I do? I know I shouldn't but I keep looking back at old memories and pictures/messages and all the things he told me about me and him forever keep swirling in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I am so sorry for you. He sounds like a very selfish immature guy. I get the feeling you were there to serve his ego, considering the lazy way he communicated during your relation. He should have been clear to you about ending, with disappearing he only has proven that he is an ass-hole. I can't make it any better than that. You have to detoxicate now. Try to move the memories you have of him out of sight. It will only make you feel horrible much longer. I wish you the best in your recovery. It will get better at some point you can trust me on that. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) Considering he had a baby during the time you had no contact with him. Being that I had lived with a woman for a year that had a baby. I can tell you how much of a strain it is on keeping lives in order. Exchanging what nights to wake up and check the baby and so on. Then again, a new baby brings hope and joy, as if he has fixed his relationship. If he does not have any other children, most likely his priorities have changed over night. Most couples will keep a marriage for their offspring's well being. I would think you understood that... as that would have been my red flag. Now maybe he was not sure what to think being all caught up in something he may never have had before. I bet every day he was thinking of his emotions that were teetering back and fourth. Only to wait till he knew what he felt was right, before talking to you. OK, now that I gave you two sides of the coin and how they fit, I hope you can pull yourself out of what he has done to you. Your too young and vulnerable to believe that was the most special moments of your life. You will find that this will be nothing like what you will have in your future. Let go and give up your fight to keep things that are locking your heart in agony. You will cry your heart out, but once you shed every tear, your heart will be ready for repair. Believe me, it will take time, but you will know the right man when the time comes. Edited September 20, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA Link to post Share on other sites
Author tropicarrie Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Sorry, he didn't have a baby. He lives with this family and his uncle had a baby. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) Sorry... the rule still applies in life. Just find a way to let go, even if you cry the weekend away. I hope you can find all the things that were hidden or ignored to point to the faults in the relationship. Those will be the building blocks to rebuilding your strength. Without them you will always remain vulnerable and feel naked. Life is full of wonder, not everyone can live without being hurt at some point in their lives. As all the pain that is endured, transforms through time into the path one takes to finding true love. It is not about how fast you fall in love, it is all about the path you take. I took the slow meandering path after my few and deeply hurtful relationships. Believing that if I did things proper, things would be grand. My way was the best way for both my mate and I. Even if I had missed out on a lifetime to get what I have, what I live now goes beyond a lifetime for many. I hope you can find inspiration from what I shared, and you'll pull yourself out of being trapped by your feelings soon, as by clinging on to it will just eat you alive. Edited September 20, 2014 by sdrawkcaB ssA Link to post Share on other sites
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