After we've tried

[whattodo99]

I'm new to this forum so bare with me. I've just recently gotten divorced after a 6 year marriage and 1 child. We've been through plenty of rocky moments which ended up causing my wife to leave me 2 months after our child was born. After she left I tried to ask her to come back for 9 months with no answer. Sometimes a door would just get literally shut in my face. Until one day she decided to want to come back.

 

Of course I took the offer and we tried to work things out. But the damage was done on my side. She literally abandoned all her responsibilities when it came to finances within the marriage (debt, etc) and it just destroyed her credibility and trust that I had with her in those regards.

 

Since she came back we working on our marriage for another 6 months. During this time we sold our house and I moved into my own place.

 

As we tried to reconcile I found it more and more difficult to let her back into my life. Bare in mind that I have 2 other children from another marriage that aren't too fond of her mothering style. When we came back together I made it clear that my children came first and that the way into my heart was not just between us, but through my children. I can't say she didn't try with the kids, but they simply were not accepting her. That was kind of crushing.

 

Another note towards why we broke up was due to my job. I worked from home, but my job was very demanding. Sometimes had me work in the evenings. That obviously placed strain on the relationship, but my choices were to quit or fight through it. Loving what I do I fought through it. When we came back together I mentioned to her that my job was not as demanding, mostly because I had to move jobs. But that quickly changed when my responsibilities grew in my job and I had no choice but to work harder. This made it difficult for me to spend quality time with my wife (not fair for her). Knowing what happened before I could only feel as though it was going to happen again. She mentioned that she was ok with my working, but I'm a firm believer that a leopard doesn't change their spots. So in turn I was debating on either ditching the job I love or letting the person I love go. Let me be clear that if I had a clear enough choice I would choose my wife over my job. But in this case I felt as though I was going to be left with what she called "deal breakers" in the future. Such deal breakers were littered throughout the marriage and only told me that unless I did what she pleased, she was out the door. NOT ok in my book as a marriage is for too people to fight through the hard times together and not enforce demands on one another.

 

In the end I ended up leaving because I simply did not trust she would hold her work and like I guessed, more deal breakers came up. In this case I was very stressed out with my job situation and my first ex wife when it came to my kids. My current wife at the time proceeded to say that if I could not get out of this funk I was in within 2 years she was going to leave because life was too short to have to live this way. Although I understand her point, it was clear to me that she already had one foot out the door and I had to fall in line if she was going to stay. Since I am a deep thinker I though about what if I was depressed because I lost a limb. Her stating to me that if I was in a funk for too long that she was going to bail pretty much told me that if I was going to be that way for given period of time that she would be out the door. I don't know about any of you, but I thought a marriage meant more than that.

 

Now we barely talk. The only conversation we are having with one another is when we exchange our almost 2 year old child with one another.

 

Because I am a giving person I still find love for her even after all of that (there's more btw, much more). So I am struggling to fine the strength to keep on the track I am on rather than trying to figure things out with her, which BTW I don't believe she would be willing to do that this point, but it doesn't keep me from wanting to try at times.

 

I know time heals all wounds, but this one just plain sucks. I can't cut her out of my life completely due to the fact that we have a child together, but geeze. My heart feels so heavy, especially when I wake up in the morning and still think of her.

 

If any of you have gone through this, please give me some suggestions on what to do. I don't want to cause a huge rift between her and I for our child's sake, but she's not making it easy.

[travelbug1996]

You went through all of that just to get her back and you end up leaving her? I'm confused.

 

You also don't mention why she left after the baby was born??