Emma1234 Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Hey, Going through something right now, too long and tiring to explain. All I know is that sometimes it's fine and I hardly feel a thing and sometimes, like right now, it hurts so much that I don't know what to do. How do you get through these moments of agony? I've been through a break up before, a terrible one, and yes it was a million times worse and so I know everything is fine in the end but right now I don't know how to make it fine. How do you cope whilst you're waiting for time to heal? Anything positive or supportive or a happy story about people getting through things would be amazing right now. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
johnson_j Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Some days are tough. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it. Mine was to slam a beer. It typically numbed me just enough that I wouldn't think about it, but not too much as to not function. Otherwise there isn't much you can do except wait for the days to tick by. Just use your prior experience as a guide to know that sometime, someday you will recover. And don't give up hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Harradin Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 I tried to keep myself busy. I was at uni at the time so I used to do work, or I'd go for a walk/run, ring up someone and hang out. Training really helped me. You just have to sit it out, but the crashes tend to get less frequent and less intensity if that helps much? Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 You have to ride it out. And keep busy. It does become less intense through time. Link to post Share on other sites
MrWorkinProgress Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I am going through exactly the same thing. I'm six weeks out, and things have generally gotten better but I had a bad "relapse" this weekend. Grief, unfortunately, isn't a straight line: it's more like two steps forward, one step back. Hopefully each time the relapse is a little shorter and more bearable. As others have said, keeping busy helps, but when I hit a really bad patch I can't focus on anything else. All you can really do is push through and keep in mind that this WILL get better, and what you're going through is a natural process to heal, much like the itching that goes with a cut as it's healing. The other thing I do when it's really bad is think about how much time has passed, and think about how quickly a period of, say, 3 months, typically passes in my life. So say 6 weeks have passed. I think to myself "I am 6 weeks along to being over this." and then think "Before I know it three more months will have passed, and in three months I won't care as much as I do now." It isn't a silver bullet, but I do think it helps a little. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I spent almost every day at the pub when I broke up now 14 months later I have maybe 1 day every 6-12 weeks that I end up there with "one of those days" where it all comes back but it is literally that one day and then its back to normal... it might seem a bad day but when u look back u can see they are getting fewer and further between so u are healing x Link to post Share on other sites
maradona Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I go for loooonggg walks. I have a girl friend who I call she helps me calm down while I walk. It takes away the bad feelings and anxiety. I find praying helps. Also playing sports or going to gym. If all else fails I drink a beer not hard alcohol beer for some reason helps calm down. I also love this quote: Accept the things you cannot change. Have the courage to change the things you can... and have the wisdom to know the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted September 14, 2014 Share Posted September 14, 2014 I use to drink to numb but the hangovers made the pain and situation worse.I go for runs in the morning and I read a lot of self help books.I also may be moving acroos the country to Banff Canada for a job so that would be a real life changing situation I could really use right now.I am stuck in a dumb little town a mile from my ex so I want to move and reinvent myself.Some unknown and adventure would do me good right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 At those times, you have to think about your incomplete tasks. Probably you will have to move on from these thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
Justaguy30 Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 I was in a really abusive relationship and once we finally broke up I was in so much pain I physically hurt for a few months. It was all I could think about and it drove me insane. But today I am smiling and I really don't miss her anymore! Time doesn't heal it just depends on how long it takes you to forget about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Its also an addiction type feeling to attachment of your ex.So sometimes its fine then its bad.I am at 6 months and its fine some days and pain the next.Its just attachment not so much missing my ex as a person.I know the relationship was toxic and she was no good for me but I still get the pain and anxiety from loneliness and the attachment to her. Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I was in a really abusive relationship and once we finally broke up I was in so much pain I physically hurt for a few months. It was all I could think about and it drove me insane. But today I am smiling and I really don't miss her anymore! Time doesn't heal it just depends on how long it takes you to forget about it. yes I physically hurt too.... a constant inner pain mostly in my stomach Link to post Share on other sites
Justaguy30 Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I too have bad days where it still hurts and I cry about her. The physical pain hasn't really happened in a few weeks which is really nice. It is an attachment and an obsession. Its because we really loved them and wanted to be with them so badly. They did not want the same or none of this would have ever happened. Keep healing my friend. At 6 months I still had days where I was in serious pain but at 8 not so much. I still think about her but not really the situation anymore. Some days I don't think about her for more than a minute a few times which sounds pathetic but that is really good considering what I went though. I totally agree with the addiction thing, she was like heroin to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zhaulk Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Emma1234, if you want to contact me somehow we can talk about it. I'm 6 months out of a relationship and I can tell you that those times do happen for me even. I had that happen to me about two weeks ago. I was doing great, someone mentioned her to me, and for some reason it broke my heart all over again. But they come less and less. What I try to do is let myself cry. A few weeks ago I spent three days feeling like my entire life was over. I tried to focus on other things. So I finally broke down and cried for a good thirty minutes, and right after I felt so much better. That's what I think you need to do, just let yourself cry about it. I haven't felt bad since, and that was the first time I cried in a few months. I try to keep my mind occupied and on the usual day to day if it pops into my mind I immediately force my thoughts onto something else. This works pretty well if you just keep doing it. Your mind will continue to try and force you to think about it, but if you keep forcing yourself to think of other things your mind will lose, and you wont think about it anymore. It takes time, but after a while you will get into a routine. Other than that just remember that no contact is working, even if it doesn't seem like it. It's making you a better person, ridding you of attachment. Sometimes when I feel down I think about how less fortunate people would kill to be in my situation. Or how people who are stuck in relationships could also envy me. This is the first time I've been single in a long time. I've been trying to use it as a time to really make myself into the man I would like to be. I'm only 24, and I should tell myself I'm lucky that we didn't waste more time in a relationship that wasn't working. This is also a helpful way to look at the end of the relationship. Anyway, I hope this helps. Again, you can contact me if you need. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
singsparkles Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Hey, Going through something right now, too long and tiring to explain. All I know is that sometimes it's fine and I hardly feel a thing and sometimes, like right now, it hurts so much that I don't know what to do. How do you get through these moments of agony? I've been through a break up before, a terrible one, and yes it was a million times worse and so I know everything is fine in the end but right now I don't know how to make it fine. How do you cope whilst you're waiting for time to heal? Anything positive or supportive or a happy story about people getting through things would be amazing right now. Thank you. I think after a breakup, we all go through highs and lows. One minute we're happy and totally fine without them, and the next we're a wreck. I Think that's just a part of moving on and healing...and eventually that goes away with time. As for coping, I would say first and foremost, PUT YOURSELF FIRST. Think about your needs and find out what makes you happy. Surround yourself with family and friends and people who love you. Be your own biggest supporter and remind yourself how beautiful and worthy you are everyday. Try to enjoy the little things in life, like taking a bubble bath or watching a great movie or enjoying a nice cup of coffee. Try to not be alone and sit still. Try and stay as busy as possible and get out of the house every chance you get. Read a good book to take your imagination somewhere far away. Don't worry...you will get through this. Right now you are just going through normal motions of a break up and it's all natural. Just keep reminding yourself that these feelings will pass the more you stay away from your ex. No mattr what you do, do not contact them because it will only make things worse and make you feel worse. I hope you feel better and good luck! Focus on YOU! YOU matter most!!! <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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