Has anyone ever experienced this?

[SycamoreCircle]

5 months ago my ex dumped me for another guy(I found out about it through snooping). She lied to me and told me there was no one else. She also devalued everything about me---my earnings, my emotional and intellectual outlook, my body, the way I treated her and of course, my sexual prowess to all of her friends and family.

 

She was very young---25 to my 37. But still she could have just told people we weren't compatible or something to that effect.

 

I loved her very deeply.

 

I struggle everyday with her hurtful words and actions. I want to forgive her and move on. I want to release the anger and pain. I just don't understand how she could be so mean to me. I caved and looked at her FB recently. 3 months after our break up and NC she continues to say hurtful things about our relationship to other people.

 

Has anyone ever gone through something like this before?

 

FYI---I'm recommitting myself to NC.

[mammasita]

5 months ago my ex dumped me for another guy(I found out about it through snooping). She lied to me and told me there was no one else. She also devalued everything about me---my earnings, my emotional and intellectual outlook, my body, the way I treated her and of course, my sexual prowess to all of her friends and family.

 

She was very young---25 to my 37. But still she could have just told people we weren't compatible or something to that effect.

 

I loved her very deeply.

 

I struggle everyday with her hurtful words and actions. I want to forgive her and move on. I want to release the anger and pain. I just don't understand how she could be so mean to me. I caved and looked at her FB recently. 3 months after our break up and NC she continues to say hurtful things about our relationship to other people.

 

Has anyone ever gone through something like this before?

 

FYI---I'm recommitting myself to NC.

 

Yep, an ex I had years ago.

 

He cheated endlessly. When I caught him and kicked him to the curb he decided that I was a loser, I sucked, my body sucked, I looked terrible naked...etc etc etc.

 

Nobody is perfect, I certainly am not. I've had a child, I have stretch marks. Oh well. His words cut me deeply, but you know what - they are just words. I have control over how I feel about me and you have control over how you feel about you.

 

Chin up, chest out.....carry on.

[Reels]

Although she hurt you once, but you might be hurting yourself more than once whenever you thought about those incidents.

 

Obviously it is not in our control.

[Ronni_W]

I struggle everyday with her hurtful words and actions. I want to forgive her and move on. I want to release the anger and pain. I just don't understand how she could be so mean to me.

I do have experience with people saying negative things about me. In some cases, people actually believed what they were saying, or were told. In others, they just randomly made up crap to suit their own insecurities, agendas, whatever. One person was still doing this 10 years after the last time we spoke or saw each other. Most often, it's that they also talk crap about others; it's just their habit/way of being.

 

When I had a negative perception/opinion about myself (about what they were saying), is when I found it hurtful. But once I realized that most of it was untrue or BS about me...and was about their own crap and negative stuff, I was able to not feel hurt/wounded.

 

Kind of, see if you can understand/accept/forgive from the view that THEY have issues, and their dysfunctional way of dealing with it is to spew crap about us/others.

 

It still sucks when people we care about and love cannot or do not, for whatever their reason(s), help us feel as good about ourselves as we want and need and would like.

Edited September 3, 2014 by Ronni_W

[Polak]

It's those kind of people that I love proving wrong, so prove 'em wrong! By that I mean be happy, have fun with whatever, laugh a lot. If you have a facebook, make sure some of that finds its way in there, photos, statuses, etc. that prove that her consistent devaluations are worthless. It also indirectly proves to others that she is just bitter. So if you find yourself under criticism from someone who mentions one of your ex's negative remarks about you, laugh it off and joke about it as if it's a peanut. At least that's what I enjoy doing. Just lets them know you're better off without her.

 

Good for you for committing to NC. You'll start to see that NC is so worth it.

[mrty]

5 months ago my ex dumped me for another guy(I found out about it through snooping). She lied to me and told me there was no one else. She also devalued everything about me---my earnings, my emotional and intellectual outlook, my body, the way I treated her and of course, my sexual prowess to all of her friends and family.

 

She was very young---25 to my 37. But still she could have just told people we weren't compatible or something to that effect.

 

I loved her very deeply.

 

I struggle everyday with her hurtful words and actions. I want to forgive her and move on. I want to release the anger and pain. I just don't understand how she could be so mean to me. I caved and looked at her FB recently. 3 months after our break up and NC she continues to say hurtful things about our relationship to other people.

 

Has anyone ever gone through something like this before?

 

FYI---I'm recommitting myself to NC.

 

Hi Sycamore, Just to let you know you're definitely not alone in that one. I was with mine for 3 1/2 years planning a future the works, was telling me she loved me all that crap right up until the end. She dumped me four months ago I was devastated, like yourself I was very much in love with this girl, stupidly I still am. She was 28 and I was 38 when we split. I was doing okay but then last week through snooping like yourself I found out she was cheating and had indeed left me for this guy. I new this guy was sniffing round her for months before she dumped me and I suspected she liked him also, that's why I snooped, however I'm glad I did now because I know what kind of two faced liar she was (is). As for bad mouthing me I'm not sure I really don't want to know, no point in hurting myself all over again. I really feel for you m8 knowing how this feels its not something I would wish on my worst enemy. I really hope you can start to feel better soon m8. Take it easy. As far as forgiving her, you're a bigger man than me i don't think i ever could. I do want her to be happy, just not with him.