She went off and married someone else. Freaking out

[Enjaycee]

There was this girl who I saw for a month who I fell head over heels with. We loved each other and I had already developed real feelings for her, but then we broke up after the honeymoon phase and things fell apart quickly. I stuck around for two months trying to talk to her and get her to reconciliate with me, but it never happened. I found out she already started seeing another man during those two months, the day after we broke up. I told her we should stop talking last week so we could have space from each other. I just found out today that she married this man this weekend, and I am so shocked...I freaked out. I was really hoping that leaving her alone would make her start thinking about me and missing me and come back, but instead she ended up falling in love with someone else. With all my heart I am hoping that this is a huge mistake and that she will come to her senses after a while, but I don't think this is the case. I feel like a lost everything right now, because she was an amazing woman who was good to me during that one month, and then I let her walk out of my life...someone please, I need advice. Help me please.

[Mary Oak]

First all, I dont think you fall in love in a month. I dont think you can really KNOW someone in a month. And any honeymoon phase lasts much longer than a month. With that said, i do believe you felt a connection with someone and you miss their presence. And that hurts and sucks. I am sorry you feel that way. You cant help what you feel.

 

But you should be glad you dodged a bullet with that one. If she met someone and got married within two months, she is not so stable, in my opinion. Sounds a bit insecure and desperate to me. It actually does not even seem real. People do that sort of thing? May i ask your ages?

 

Nonetheless, be grateful she didnt latch on to you like that. Nothing good will come of it.

[hedyo]

Take comfort in the fact that a month isn't really long enough to judge how you feel about someone. I know you're hurting really badly right now, and your feelings are real. However, what you're in love with is your idea of her, not who she actually is. Just getting that short amount of time together allows you to imagine what might have been, and your fantasy will invariably be better than the reality would have been! Also, a month doesn't really give her long enough to get to know you either, so don't take the rejection too personally.

 

And she married someone after only dating them a couple of months? Trust me, that won't last.

[Enjaycee]

I am 22 and she is 19. I'd like to think it won't last long after their "honeymoon" is over. The two months I spent trying to talk to her were when I was beginning to really invest and try to make things work (when I should have been doing that in the first place), I guess we will find out after a few months. Even so, because I invested myself so deeply, to find out what just happened is devastating, when she still had my heart. I can only imagine them "consummating" right now...

[Always Pondering]

I am 22 and she is 19.

 

She's only 19 years old and married someone she has known for two months. If it isn't clear already, this has disaster written all over it. Heck, if I married who I was in a relationship with when I was 19, I'd have to go through divorce papers most likely. If she left you and started dating someone the day after, it's a certain possibility that they could have already met before-hand but that doesn't change the fact that you two are split now.

 

Even if she does "come back to her sense" if even at all, you shouldn't be waiting around for her especially considering her recent actions.

[Enjaycee]

She's only 19 years old and married someone she has known for two months. If it isn't clear already, this has disaster written all over it. Heck, if I married who I was in a relationship with when I was 19, I'd have to go through divorce papers most likely. If she left you and started dating someone the day after, it's a certain possibility that they could have already met before-hand but that doesn't change the fact that you two are split now.

 

Even if she does "come back to her sense" if even at all, you shouldn't be waiting around for her especially considering her recent actions.

 

She's always professed to me how she wanted to be married and have children even early on in our relationship. She is really an old-fashioned type woman, and I think she was much more in love with the idea of marriage and children than who it was she was marrying, but I also know that since she is married now, she will do everything she can to make it work and stay with him. However, it still hurts to think that I could have been the husband instead of single and alone again. She was definitely someone who I would have married, after dating for a substantial amount of time that was more than just two months. And yes, I do think she really may have known him before that, but I don't know how long. It doesn't matter now.

 

Her mom, who I've kept in contact with til now, also believes that this was a huge mistake, and they did love me better than he did, and even she and the rest of her family have pleaded that she didn't go through with a wedding so soon, but she did anyway, and they have no choice but to accept it now.

 

Just like I have no choice but to accept it now. I know I have to let go and move on, and not hold onto hope that it doesn't work out and that she might come back. Even if she did, I wouldn't even know if I could take her back, given her recent actions and already being married and possibly even having tried to have kids already.

 

Still hurts like hell right now though...

[Polak]

This is the first time I've found someone on LS who has had a similar experience to mine. I can relate! But I also have some advice. Background on mine: dated a girl for 2 years, we were each other's first relationship, she left me for another guy from her church who she married 10 months (less than a year) later.

 

She's always professed to me how she wanted to be married and have children even early on in our relationship. I also know that since she is married now, she will do everything she can to make it work and stay with him.

This applies to those girls with the old school way of thinking (those girls are getting harder and harder to find). Was your girl pretty religious? Mine was, and it definitely gave our relationship this solid quality that only enhanced everything positively. I understand not everyone believes that, but to each his own. It was great for me.

 

I remember her saying multiple times "I don't believe in divorce, so I'll be damned if that ever happens to me. I will make it work, no matter the effort." Some people may view that as creepy, but honestly, why is divorce viewed as a normality these days? It sucks the statistic is so high. Isn't everyone's goal to be happily married to one person forever? Having said that, the vengeful person in me hopes she divorces one day and is miserable.

 

However, it still hurts to think that I could have been the husband instead of single and alone again. She was definitely someone who I would have married, after dating for a substantial amount of time that was more than just two months.

To alleviate this thought (especially since she was my first and I haven't found anyone else since then), whenever she came up in my thoughts randomly, I only thought about the worst qualities about her. Now I'm all recovered and she just seems like smoke in my memory. At first it may be hard to even remember the bad stuff about her, but dig deeper and you'll find them. If you focus on those, you realize why it's better you didn't marry her.

 

Things happen for a reason, you just have to accept it. Time is your friend in this one, but for real, you dodged a bullet! 2 months to marry someone is absolutely ridiculous. Even for me, I'm glad it didn't work out. I am happy being single now, whereas before I didn't have anything to compare it to. I'm taking my time at this point, and glad to do so.

[Enjaycee]

This applies to those girls with the old school way of thinking (those girls are getting harder and harder to find). Was your girl pretty religious? Mine was, and it definitely gave our relationship this solid quality that only enhanced everything positively. I understand not everyone believes that, but to each his own. It was great for me.

 

I remember her saying multiple times "I don't believe in divorce, so I'll be damned if that ever happens to me. I will make it work, no matter the effort." Some people may view that as creepy, but honestly, why is divorce viewed as a normality these days? It sucks the statistic is so high. Isn't everyone's goal to be happily married to one person forever? Having said that, the vengeful person in me hopes she divorces one day and is miserable.

 

Things happen for a reason, you just have to accept it. Time is your friend in this one, but for real, you dodged a bullet! 2 months to marry someone is absolutely ridiculous. Even for me, I'm glad it didn't work out. I am happy being single now, whereas before I didn't have anything to compare it to. I'm taking my time at this point, and glad to do so.

 

Her and her family are all devoutly religious. They believe in entering into courtship(s) instead of just dating around. She is very old school in that sense, she hardly ever partied and focused all her efforts into finding true love and getting married, instead of "discovering herself" such as what most people at that age do. She has not decided to go take college classes until just recently. Still, even with her upbringing and ideals, I can't help but think getting married that young and that soon will lead to a divorce just as quickly as there was a marriage. Part of me prays that it works out (wanting her to be happy), and the other part hopes it ends (wanting her to be with me again)...only time will tell, but until then I have already begun trying to talk to and date new women, it helps alleviate the pain. Thanks for all your advice everyone.