Glad I hung in there

[merrmeade]

As usual, not sure where to post this but just wanted to "share" somewhere, with someone.

 

I think I found the guy - no, not that kind of guy but the guy that's going to help us. The therapist that might be able to help us realize some of my dreams anyway - dreams that we might not only "reconcile" but so much more - maybe have the relationship I deserve and have worked for all my life, the relationship that I don't think my H even imagines. No fault. No fault.

 

Of course, there's the whole matter of respecting my very real trauma and recurring PTSD episodes, "need to know" issues because he never got the additional layer of damage he was creating with continued TT, and ... all that. But, hey, I've done therapy before. I know the ropes. He doesn't and doesn't begin to understand open communication. (Yes, how on earth did I miss that all those years ago?) But I feel confident, more, wildly encouraged that this guy can do it all.

 

We've met only once - yesterday - and it was a miracle. He got H to buy in without knowing it was happening, open up and admit lots of stuff and personal needs. This just doesn't happen with strangers. It succeeded in dismissing his silly prejudices against psychologists without dealing with them. He's in and that's what matters. The guy also made me feel safe and I have no doubt he'll deal with my needs, while keeping my H responsible.

 

It's such a relief and validates me to myself for sticking with it, hoping, persisting. Two years of pain and frustration (on top of the other sh-t)? What the hell. I tend to be pretty philosophical about being and doing anyway and know that getting myself back - living what I believe - will be enough. It's been a long road with a little of the angst and pain of rearing kids - okay, maybe a lot more pain - but there was a rainbow that spread across the entire sky in front of us on the way home yesterday. I'm there.

[preraph]

Yay! Glad you hung in there. Your persistence and determination paid off. Good luck!