Complicated 3 year relationship and don't know how to move on or let go....

[unrequitedlove11]

I was in the 9th grade when I saw this tall brow skin boy who was so cute to be a chubby guy but I never said anything to him because I was fat and a nobody .. I ended up adding him on facebook 2 years later and he commented "cute pic" on one of my pictures and ended up being one of the first few to tell me happy birthday weeks later . The beginning of our senior year came around and I saw him for the first time since 9th grade .

 

He had slimmed down a whole lot and got taller , I was in complete shock because he looked even better than before . Fast forward to February 12 2011 , I had just came in from hanging out with my gay bestfriend Tevin at like 1am . I was supposed to be sleep because I had to take my ACT in the morning but I was scrolling down Facebook . I see a status that says "Lms if you wanna text" so I liked it but the page came up and said the status was deleted . So I sent a message saying "hey I was about to like that" and he replied with his number . I don't know where this leap of faith came from because never have I ever approached a guy for their number let alone approach a guy because I'm so shy ..

 

That entire day I was all smiles because I'm finally talking to the guy I've had a crush on forever ! We were supposed to meet up in school but at the time I felt like if he saw me in person he wouldn't like me anymore .. he claims until this day that he didn't see me walking towards him though we were the only 2 on the hallway and I got so nervous that I cut into a classroom . Because he lived in a different city and was out of district he ended up transferring schools which made me feel like an idiot because I ruined my chances of seeing him face to face . In between time everything was hearts and kisses , he was my buu bear and I was his pumpkin .

 

We didn't talk on the phone until 2 months later because of my nerves and even then I was smiling from ear to ear . April 3 came and it was two days before his birthday and I was supposed to see him but I was on my cycle so I didn't want to be around him like that . I got him a balloon and a card then headed to his house . I had butterflies the entire time . When we got upstairs to his room we shared our first kiss and we just stood there hugging each other . We laid on the bed looking into each other's eyes for hours until he tried to rub my butt lol had to warn him . I don't know it came about but he ended up sucking my boobs lmao but just spending the day with him was just wonderful .

 

I ended up losing my virginity to him a week later .. I was kind of disappointed in myself weeks later because I felt like he had already won the prize he'll never be my boyfriend .. everything was still good between us though . I wanted him to go to prom with me but he had to work . I spent my prom night with him of course lol which turned out to be the best part of prom because I was a third wheel .. Fast forward to graduation I texted him before I was about to walk the stage and he when I got back to my seat he was the first to wish me congratulations . Over the summer I didn't see him as often as I used to because he was working so I only saw him maybe once or twice a month .

 

I tried to make things official because at this rate I was completely over my ex and I didn't want another girl taking him away from me . But in plain terms he basically told me we didn't need a title , we're on the same page , he trusts me and to be patient . It's 11/11/11 and in my mind I'm thinking nothing good is gonna happen to me today just because it's ME and bull**** only happens to me . I get out the shower to a text that says "are you ready to be my first lady" I was probably the happiest girl in the world at that moment . Being the type of guy he is I didn't expect him to do something like that especially on that day . I made my wish on 11:11pm that we would have a long lasting good relationship from that day forward .

 

December came around and I felt some type of way because we had been dating for a month yet hasn't seen me but could go to high school basketball games . of course my pouting got me what I wanted and he came over my house for the first time and I introduced him to my mom . A couple weeks later he was the first to say I love you . We were in our cupcake phase up until the day before valentines day when he broke up with me .. I literally cried my eyes out until 3 in the morning . Who breaks up with someone over a screenshot ? I wasn't intentionally trying to embarrass him I just thought it was cute how he begged me to tell him what I got him for valentines day .

 

It wasn't like people were retweeting the picture and calling him a sucker .. he even went as far as taking my shoes back and giving me an unsigned card with $50 in it . The card was so funny romantic but the reason for him not signing the card was so that I couldn't "post it on the internet" . We actually stayed broken up after that .. The internet tells all so after seeing the things that I saw , he was still stuck on this girl younger than me . He told me that he never went out with her but the way she talked and wrote about him they had been in a relationship before . The night before what would have been our 4 month anniversary he said he was with his friends but twitter told a different story .

 

I saw her mention him then ended up giving him her number , boom . A few hours later he wasn't texting back so I called her blocked . The third time I called she was chilling on the phone so she asked him something about daylight savings time and he replied "**** if I know" A thought bubble extends from my head and I'm like hey that voice sounds familiar . Months later the same female who he was married to on Facebook but wouldn't marry his own girlfriend is tweeting "I'm feeling an Aries" another thought bubble , who's birthday is April 5 ? Mind you we were back to acting like a couple but he wouldn't give me back the title ..

 

Back then I didn't bring stuff like that to his attention because we weren't together and there was nothing I could but at the same time we're still texting all day long , still sexually involved though no sex and say I love you every night before we go to sleep .. but it hurt because at that moment I felt like I was falling in love even though we weren't together but just the though of him leaving me for someone else , him leaving period made my eyes water and it literally choked me up whenever I would try to talk about my feelings for him ... So July 2012 after I come back from my home town . It's 1am , he takes me to the IHOP by his job which is kind of out the way when there's two in the area where I live .

 

We're sitting down eating and he tells me one of the waitress keeps looking/smiling at him ; my back is to her when she is and she kept walking past our table . Next thing I know she comes up to the table with the gay waiter and he tells me that she does hair . In my mind I'm like I DONT GIVE A **** but I fake laughed it off because my hair was already braided there was no purpose in the conversation . Two months later I go on twitter page to see what he's been talking about and I see him mention her . I go to her page and I see him in her bio and her asking him what he wants to eat ... another thought bubble goes off . He wasn't messing with only one but TWO other females while still being involved with me .

 

I let my anger get the best of me of course and I confronted the first young girl . At the time he was 20 , I was 19 , girl #1 and #2 were 17 . It was immature of me to put her in her place on twitter but it had to be done .. only reason I didn't confront girl #2 is because she deleted hers . It's crazy because she claimed him so hard like he was hers all along . He claimed she was cut off and because he takes care of me and makes sure I'm good they don't matter to him . On to November he was about to leave me after we had just had some great sex and he got a text that one of his friends had gotten shot .. he started crying and all I could do was cry with him and hold him because a week earlier he had lost one of his cousins to a gun .

 

Of course I get on twitter and see a tweet "my baby needs me" ... "loosing two people in one week" but I thought she was cut off ? I'm trying to be respectful of what he's going through but I'm not the type of person to bite my tongue . I do hold a lot in and eventually it all comes out at once . With him I always let him know how I felt whether it was good or bad . I ended up mentioning the fact that I felt like he was blowing me off and was probably with her and how did she know he lost two people . His recant was she found out from Facebook or some **** and that he had been with his family and **** me .. My thought bubbles are popping from every angle because I checked and he had deleted her when I told him delete all the females he would entertain and he unfollowed every female he "once loved" or messed with on twitter .. Zap so found out he went to her hotel party with his "brother" .

 

It's December at this time and Christmas is arriving so of course he's trying to get back in my good grace . He came over about a week after , looking in the mirror and asked me did he tell me his lip was busted . He claimed his little sister did it ... so days later I get on Instagram and girl #2 posts a text gram saying "I bust his lip now he think he ugly .. good now bitches won't look at you" . I'm instantly livid at this point because he legit lied to my face and was the one to bring it up ! I text him and ask who busted your lip ? He replies nobody .. I said don't lie to me , he replies something around the means of ughhh he's not trying to argue he'll talk to me later . At that point I just snap off in a long text message putting everything that I know on the table . He semi denies it saying is he the only guy in the world in reference to when they refer to him as he/him/my baby as if I don't know him like the back of my hand .

 

You should be ashamed that I know when females are talking about you and they don't even have to say your name ! He admits that he ****ed up , says that I am good enough it's not me it's him and admits that he ain't **** . I sacrifice to make sure he got his bred 11s for Christmas , he gave me my purple timbs early never wanted to just surprise me like I asked .. To put the icing on the cake for the month ... it's 4am , were outside my house in his car and he's sleeping like a baby . I get on Instagram and I see a screenshot . Mind you we've been broken up for 8 months over what I screenshot .. I'm reading that she hurt her finger cutting a lemon and asks him to kiss it and he send back a kissy face and the quote for the picture is "my baby . . ." My heart drops ...

 

because I recognize the way he texts and he does the same when I ask for a kiss . I'm way past livid , my legs are shaking , I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack and it's taking everything in me not to punch him out of his sleep . I burst out in tears and he wakes up asking me what's wrong and at this point I'm heartbroken .. he gets mad because I'm not responding and says he's about to leave and again I put it on the table .. I'm like why do you keep lying ? I was so angry I pounded the dashboard with the palm of my hand so hard I hurt my damn self .. I'm like this is the same bitch who I almost stopped ****ing with you because of before , this is the same bitch you had smiling in my face , the same bitch you act like you didn't know claimed you told me she tried to talk to you before , the same bitch !!! he tried to talk a little **** and after I stopped crying I looked him in his eyes and a tear fell ...

 

said he was gonna cut her off and change his number . We ended up getting back together but I was honestly still hurt and bitter so things were really uneasy and I told him straight up I'm still bitter and he said if that was breaking my heart he didn't want to do that and that I should just leave him alone .. He ended up getting it together so I thought . I go on twitter on my tablet and I see that he posted a picture of the girl he said he never went with captioned as "niya brazy ass . . . </3 So with the password he gave me for his school email I log onto his Instagram and see that he posted the same picture . I was so angry I could've flipped the desk over because I had left my phone at home so I couldn't cuss him out and I was at school with one more class to go .. I log into his gmail with the same password and change his password which I didn't know he used for his phone .

 

He came over couple days later and asked to see the tablet so I did and he was on YouTube at first then tells me he's about to go on my Instagram . Moving too fast I forgot to log out of his Instagram .. I'm surprised because he's still scrolling not noticing he's on his own Instagram and I'm on edge until he throws the tablet saying he don't need to be here . Of course when he went to the profile he saw his own pictures instead of mine . I jump up in front the door and he's telling me move grabbing my arms and knowing me I'm not giving up without a fight . I pushed the couch in front of the door and he's really angry now . I can tell he wants to hit me but he isn't stupid .. so he sits down on the couch . I'm touching him making the situation worse of course and he's telling me to move I'm like what's your problem , why you wanna leave ?

 

Being over dramatic he says I hacked into his email and I could **** up his life and how his phone wasn't working because of that .. so he stands up talking about he's done which ends up hurting my feelings and cry . I'm standing in front of him balling my eyes telling him I don't want him to go and apologizing repeatedly .. He grabs my face and lifts my head up telling me to stop crying .. I feel bad because I honestly didn't think he would take it that way .. told me that he loved me more than anything , said he would expect that from a snake and if it wasn't who I was how he would've done this , that and the third to another person who did what I did and that he doesn't trust me .. plot twist Valentines day he went all out for me and that was something I never experienced , 2 big boxes of candy and the valentines day Jordan 5s , treating me to dinner even tho I was supposed to pay because at the time I didn't have a job so it was the least I could do for not being able to get him what he wanted ..

 

We had got a room that night then part two that weekend and it was nothing short of the best . His birthday came again , I baked him 21 cupcakes and got us a hotel . He didn't want to go out because "that's not him" but I always secretly felt like he was embarrassed of me or something .. He came through for my birthday even he was acting like an ass like he had the year before .. but nonetheless I was happy with him . I was happy that I could put my trust back in him and hadn't dealt with other females . I practically praised him and would tell him how happy I was and how happy he made me and how I was really in love with him . When I asked him was he in love with me he said yes but I also had to cover myself still because at that point I was in deep . it's May 2013 and every night for about 2 weeks he would tell me he fell asleep or was going to sleep around 12am .

 

Hmm *thought bubble* ever since the day I met you never have you ever went to early when were either on the phone all night long , playing the game , or doing me after you get off . I tell my friends about my intuition and they tell me to relax , stop trying to put a story together and don't go looking for something to be wrong .. I honestly felt the past 6 months were too good to be true . I also felt like he might've have been with girl #1 because she had just got a car .. I had deleted my twitter as he wished to keep things good between but I still would search his nickname every now and then and I'm glad I did . what do you know ? TWO more females tweets dating back to April up until June .

 

This was a night where he said he was going to sleep for whatever reason and I'm like second day in a row tho ? He blows me off saying something bull**** .. So I asked him who is this girl that's saying she mess with you , you look out her , she gonna buy you this etc etc . told him I hated him .. he texts back at 5 something in the morning which is the same time he used to leave my house to beat the tunnel traffic . At that point I already know wassup , my intuition hadn't failed me yet I know I'm not crazy . He texts back bull**** saying she's nothing to worry about she messed with two of his friends and asked did I really hate him . I had just got a room with him day before and the fact that I got on birth control November 2012 for us and I trusted him so much and was so happy to finally feel secure in my relationship we JUST started having unprotected sex like 3 times since our birthdays and that night in June we didn't use any condoms just blew my entire mind ......

 

I knew we were really done on top of him breaking up with me weeks before that because I "bitch too much" but it's like look at everything you've done and I've given you a second change to prove yourself .. I ended up putting it out there to both of the females that I was his girl and they were just some basic hoes . Turned out to make a fool out of myself because his friends were taking up for girl #4 and in the back of my mind I always knew there had to be something between him girl #3 because they had the same nickname just a different spelling . So it was girl #0 who was 16 almost 17 and girl#1 and #2 who were 17 and he was 20 then girl #3 and #4 who were 18 and he was 21 .. only ONE of them had a job and were still in high school but NONE of them ever did as much as I have for him .

 

It hurt to be around him but my good heart tried the just friends thing . He came around after that trying to pretend like everything was regular but it noticeably didn't sit right with me .. He would make little smart comments like oh I can't do this or that anymore ? when it's clear he ruined my trust but it makes him feel justified by trying to cover up or pretend nothing was ever what it is in reality .. I admit I was stupid for sticking around being there for him .. He ended up getting kicked out for a couple weeks and because he's such a grandmas boy , I knew he wasn't washing his clothes so I bought him new socks , underwear , beaters , tshirts . He started actually spending the night at my house when that happened . I put my pride to the side knowing he was still messing around because I knew that he just needed someone to be there for him ..

 

One night sitting out in the car we were playing fighting and he gave me a pressure point and ended up pinching my skin and it really hurt so I called him a stupid ass and he got mad and started ignoring me .. So I'm like if you gonna be like that there was no need for you to come over , so he got out the car and walked over to my side and sat on the hood . I got out and he was like I don't have to worry bout him coming back , he don't even have his grandma no more and how younger boys out his old neighborhood look up to him and he went from a somebody to a nobody with tears running down his face .. It made me cry . I also felt some type of way and I'm telling him he has me .

 

He's going on about how he had to pay people to stay with them and how his dad took him in ( even though they don't have a relationship like they used to ) I'm telling him to stop crying , trying to wipe his tears away but he won't let me .. Adding to the situation he told me before that he let his cousin borrow a chunk of money which messed him up financially .. It's like even though he treated me like **** when it came to other females . ruined my trust , hurt me repeatedly I hated seeing him like that .. I never even seen him cry before let alone show that much emotion . I also thought sharing that moment with him should have made us closer .. But way before I had been trying to make yo up for what I couldn't do when I was broke . Whenever I was out id asked if he needed anything or get him a shirt or his favorite candy just because .

 

Just like when he surprised me with a bag of Lindt chocolate when he knew I was on my cycle or would bring me something to eat when he was in the area . But all that stopped .. even the calls when he was on his way to work or on break .. the last two times we went out were on his terms since he "doesn't like go out" is when we went to go see laugh at my pain and bad grandpa . everything pretty much stopped after I asked him did I need to go get tested .. he had the audacity to feel some type of way saying that he wouldn't bring anything home to me and that he would shoot himself if he had the slightest feeling he had anything .... After that I pretty much gave up because he wouldn't kiss me anymore and everything started getting to me . I had lost 40 pounds from August to November 2012 in which I started stress eating on top of working at Pizza Hut and trying to juggle my online classes and the ****ty relationship I was in

 

.. to the point my hair was falling out and I gained half my weight back . I was unhappy and I'm telling him at point all I need from you is support , **** everything else I just need you to be here for me and not add to my stress . October 2013 rolls around and things are somewhat better after he asked me to go see bad grandpa with him . I post a status on facebook saying how it's been two years and neither of is are going anywhere . I get a comment from the girl who is Tevin's sister in law's niece who I once acquainted myself with and thought she was cool . "who you talking about Q...... ?" Thought bubbles goes up and I'm thinking why is that any of your concern so I correct her spelling of his name and I'm like yeah why ? She replies he goes with my friend ( girl #2 ) so yall go together too ? My instant reaction is to screenshot the comments and the texts showing the bitch had friend requested me twice back in June and a three other times up until I added her and deleted her and she stopped .

 

I send the screenshots asking him was it true ? He replies nah but we cool and stop putting stuff up like that I hate people in my business . I sit here and take his word .... I reply on the status that's not what he said lmaooo , she was like bitch what's funny ? girl #2 said she gonna **** you up . at this point I can't this girl serious for trying to defend another females "relationship" . She replies is this the same dude who turned his phone off and had you blowing it up ( a situation I told her in confidence before I knew she associated with the enemy ) I'm like yeah the same guy you saw me out with and kept walking past the table . She gets on the girl page with her ratchet way of typing saying she know where I live she'll be over here tomorrow blah blah blah but I'm like why wait until tomorrow ? come now lmaoo .. Of course she wa taking that good stuff over the internet but things ended up dropping off for us .. December comes and he's asking what I want from Christmas , I said the ring he wanted me to have so bad before around valentines day 2012

 

but then I told him to surprise me either a ring , earrings since he said I needed some , or necklace . We always end going through something near the holidays or special occasions but to really accuse me of sleeping with someone else and you're the only person I've ever had sex with since you took my virginity ???? I never thought that he would ever degrade me or my body like that .. I was truly hurt on top of having low self esteem and no confidence .. And by this time I'm thinking on a serious note where I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to argue anymore it's beyond old , trying to be the bigger person so we can get back to how we used to be ; I finally have a job , maybe we can start saving up for our apartment and building a future together ; it's about to be 3 years since we started talking , I've been holding you down since day one and putting up with all your bull**** ,

 

I don't know any other female that would stay around this long , I think this is the person I want to spend my life with ; we talked about having babies and if he joined to the merchant seaman we would be rich and I've always supported him in any and everything he has wanted to do . I hadn't wanted anything more than for him to go back to school and finish so that he could open his own business but wouldn't tell me what kind but to just give him 2 years back in 2012 ... I tried my hardest to brush it off because thinking yeah we hadn't had sex in a long time so maybe I was super wet or he was the one who ****ed somebody else because during that time both of his cars were "broke" I'm sitting there trying to hold off from masturbating so I can let my sexual frustrations out on him .. I felt like he was just looking for a reason to point his finger at me because what he was doing behind my back .

 

He got mad at me because I didn't believe he was going to sleep because he said his lip was swollen but it's like how can you be mad when you were saying that and being untruthful ? On top of that I was just missing him so much smh .. He ended up sending me the picture of the necklace which I was kind of disappointed by still appreciated the thought .. I bought him the gamma blue 11s with the matching heat hat . He texted me saying even though I give him a hard time he still loves me and if it wasn't for me there would be no christmas , just like last year he told me I was the only one who had got him anything .. For the first time in 3 years I spent the night at his house twice in January because he claimed before there was a lot going on in the household but I don't believe it would last for 2/3 years .. I took my bottle I had from New Years over and he was rushing me to chug it lol . For the first time he saw me completely naked .. same time he had never made me feel more comfortable or vunerable . After we got our frustrations out we laid in each other's arms ..

 

The liquor ended up catching up with me and I moaned my head felt heavy . He leaned over and said it is and felt my head , then my chest felt tight so he told me to sit up and at the time I couldn't say much so I was weak on the inside but that was the first time I ever felt like he genuinely cared about about my well being . The second time I stayed he acted like he didn't wanna have sex which made me regret even going over there .. After that stuff really went downhill . I found out girl #2 was back in town , I guess she was finishing up AIT .. so it was one night where he was just acting funny . He had been "excused from work" damn near the entire month because he "slipped and hit his head" twice , the other time front the month before and was using the same excuse of being "sleep" because of the medicine the gave him .. but for an entire month tho ? I'm like is it a new bitch or a repeat ? He had texted back 5 something in the morning is it a new bitch or a replay ?

 

I'm just sitting here with this same familiar feeling ... I'm like you can go on about your business because I'm too old for the games seriously . I swore on my dead grandparents graves I hadn't had sex with anybody but him , he was the only person I wanted to be with I just don't understand why he can't do right . Because girl #4 was back talking about him since December and he claimed so hard he didn't mess with her but added her back after I told him to delete her .. I felt disrespected and there was no point in deleting her if you were gonna go behind my back and add her . He basically told me it was a method to his madness but I wouldn't understand . I'm like well help me understand or if that's what you want then just go ..

 

He replied back he'll holla at me on valentines day and legit ignored me the entire week up until then . in my mind I'm like he really must not want me anymore because who's gonna be okay without talking to someone they love for an entire week not giving a **** if they're dead or alive and I'm like **** it he doesn't deserve the shoes he wants and he clearly doesn't care about me anymore .. He texted me that Tuesday before valentines day asking could he bring the stuff early because it was supposed to snow Friday but I didn't text back .. I finally replied the next day basically saying I understand that I'm not good enough for him and that I really don't have his heart , I thought I did .. and to give what he bought to girl #3 the young girls he would fake claim or whoever has his heart because I don't .

 

especially after he said I was only gonna get a card and not the shoes he wanted to get me because I gotta post everything on the internet . My thing is if he truly loved me and wasn't afraid to show it or for people to know it wouldn't be a problem to show off what you buy me because I appreciate having a good boyfriend ; someone who knows what I like and what makes me happy . Got the back lash for posting him as my man crush and posting the necklace I got .. He replied he wish I would've told him that before he went store to store picking stuff out for me and how he's gonna be tired from taking it back when I know he sleeps in the morning before work .. He told me I was only getting a card , why try to surprise me after 3 years of not listening when I tell you to surprise me I always knew what I was getting for special occasions talking bout sorry he is such a bad communicator and born a **** up ..

 

As always I fell for the pity / make your self the bad guy trick because I am always the bad person no matter what .. so I got him a card and favorite candy and I basically poured my heart out . He said he didn't want the card so I screenshot it and he told me to bring it to him lol .. The last time I saw him was February 16 . He came over and gave me the best head ever but we didn't have any condoms and I definitely wasn't gonna take that chance .. I gave him the card and candy and when he got home he asked did I get the shoes .. I mean really , you took my stuff back and still expect shoes ? Nah .. he was mad and threw shots at me saying how he feels he's only worth $2 and should've got me what I got him last valentines day .. I'm like I tried to make it up to you , I slaved at work them long nights starting last May while you were out here ****ing bitches , I put gas in your cars , fed you when you were hungry , bought you shoes and clothes the first 2 months I was working and didn't buy myself ANYTHING until august and that was a pair of shoes , I gave you money towards a chain which you used to get your car fixed , I bought you something every valentines day , birthday ,

 

Christmas and just because ! paying for the majority of our hotel rooms , offering to pay your phone bill when you said it was gonna be off , offering to go half on your ps4 and a new gun ; it's not to throw in your face but to show you appreciation and how much I love to see you happy , I want to make up for what I couldn't do but nothing I have done thus far isn't even appreciated .. I don't understand . I literally begged him to let me make it up to him but he was crying about a $100 sweatshirt he got made for the shoes I didn't get .. After that communication got weak and he was holding onto the fact that in the argument I said that I shed tears twice with him . Id never throw that moment in his face because I know how bad it hurt to be down and I've been trying to prove myself over 3 years that I don't want or need you for your money because I was there before you even had a job , I love you I care about you I want to build a life with you , I don't value materialistic **** ,

 

I been by your side for this long what else do I really have to do to prove that I'm everything you need ? Just let me know .. I've literally done everything from transforming to an all out freak for you to swallowing my pride and biting my tongue to not start an argument to falling in love and wanting to spend the rest of my life with you despite EVERYTHING .. i knew it was the end I just didn't expect what came next .. I find out he's leaving the state on Facebook , tagged status from girl #4 . My heart literally goes numb and I'm not understand why I'm the last to know of all people .. Because he had blocked my number from heated arguments up until then I was messaging him on facebook .

 

I'm like of all people this bitch knows before me and I've been here since when ? Day 1 . And the fact that girl #2 aunt posted a picture of her saying she was headed to georgia the day before ? I spazzed calling him everything in the book . He ended up blocking me because I couldn't deactivate my facebook after I sent the last message so he wouldn't block me .. He called me and I'm balling because I feel my heart breaking again even though we were going through it I didn't want him to go , he was all I had I felt like .. Texting later on that night he claimed I've been hard to talk to lately still holding onto the crying statement I made .. I have never lied or kept anything from him , he's knows everything about me more than my friends know .. He asked me to promise him we'll always be close friends no matter what and I promised ...

 

I wasn't able to sleep because my chest was so tight night after night , missing him and wondering if he really picked up and started another life with this girl .. But he told me he had money on his head and that there were people looking to kill him , he went there to for opportunity and didn't know when he would be back .. But man don't these social networks tell all . He told me he was in phenix city alabama but the tagged status said georgia and girl #2 mom was posting about how her baby ( girl #2 ) and her husband made it to ga and how they ( him and girl #2 ) moved into their first apartment and that she was stationed in georgia for the next 2 years so I asked him was he in ga or al and he asked why and I told him what I saw the tagged status and he got mad ..

 

he had said his dad and uncle was taking him down there March 1 when he left and coincidentally she left the same day same hour and you're 30 mins away ? I was stuck because I honestly didn't know what to belief or might have been in denial .. I cried everyday and night . He had sent me a picture and looked different like I guess because I hadn't seen him , I didn't even get to say goodbye .. I wasn't talking to him all day long like I used to and it hurt .. We still said I love you here and there but conversations would never last long .. I told him I was lonely and he said "you can **** with somebody .. I know I can get back where we left off .." claiming that's not was he's doing but my intuition was stirring because who just gives someone away like that ? End of March girl #2 bestfriend got shot in head and coincidentally he came up early , of course he came with her so she could attend the funeral .. he's texting me and asking me what I'm doing but I was making my dinner so he called asking why I didn't text back ... fast forward there's a knock at the door .

 

my cousin answers and says it some dude name I can't remember . I'm thinking it's one of my friends playing so I go unwrap my hair . I crack the door to see if it's somebody I wanna talk to and it's him ... I freeze up completely and step on the porch . He's like wassup ? I'm speechless by the way . I can't process the fact of him surprising me like that . But at the same time I'm still hurting .. I can't even make eye contact and he was like I'm just checking up on you seeing how you living and my eyes are watered up .. He asks me if I'm crying then says he's about to go . Mind you I haven't seen him since February and I been thinking ima spend a day with him and get a room but he leaned towards me for a hug and it's only been like 2 mins , 3 mins tops .. I put my arms him and the tears just fall .. he keeps saying he has to go like 3 more times and I just snatch away .. I honestly did not want to let go .. that moment right there just confirmed for me that he didn't really care me or acknowledge my pain . He sent me a text saying some bull**** about he'll stay away goodbye forever ..

 

said I act like I saw a ghost .. you're absolutely right . Then you came for 2 mins , I wanted to spend the day with you , I missed you so much , I was in shock at first and it was quit awkward but .. he didn't even say goodbye when he left again .. I put my pride to the side and wished him happy birthday days later he wished me good luck for my interview then return the birthday wish with a picture saying he wish he was here .. it made me miss him 100 times more .. It sucked because I planned to bring it in and end it with him . He texted me how was my day was going but got mad because I couldn't text back until I got off , my job doesn't allow phones on the floor you could potentially lose your job but he wasn't trying to hear it . It was only right for me to have a drink , it was my 21st .

 

I let my feelings get the best of me and he was mad I was tipsy but it was okay for him to come over drunk or high and I do recall us drinking together when we got a room twice .. but it's like he was looking for every reason to just be mad and ignore me .. and he stopped texting me and ended up blocking my number some weeks later . I'm really at the point where I've pieced everything together even after I confronted him and he lied and denied moving there with her and still messing with her all this time so I called her phone and asked for him since he wanna play it that way because you won't play me and not feel the wrath . I asked where Q...... at ? She's like who the **** is this? I'm like who is this ?

 

he says you called my phone asking for my husband who the **** is this ? I'm like where he at he ain't text back and hang up on her so were going back and forth , finally finds out who I am talking all this **** calling me a side bitch and my pussy must not be good if he with her and her husband is her husband cause she got a ring on her finger and tell my mom to plan my funeral early she gonna **** me up blah blah blah mind you she's in the army .

 

So I screenshot everything all the I love yous and recent texts and facebook messages about when she busted his lip back from 2012 up until now . I shut both of them down because all she could say was I was fat and a hoe and how her angry ass wanted to fight but I'm tryna help her out . I screenshot her all the stuff he was saying to other females as well but she was still angry with me lol .. He ended up coming back up here and I ended up finding out he made a new Instagram but blocked my Instagram on site lmao . But he should know I'm going to find out what I need to find out by now .. Under a different account I see a wedding band on his hand but the picture is in black and white and if you're nosey like me you had to pay close attention because in the rest of his pictures his left hand is either in his pocket , positioned to where you can't see the ring or not in the picture at all ..

 

I'm just in aww because this entire time he really tried to convince me I was crazy and such a bad for believing he actually moved away with her to start the life I wanted with him and on top of that gave her his last name .. I was so bitter when he first left and was so reluctant of the thought of being in another relationship that I pushed a guy away ... but to actually see that ring with my own eyes just made me hate him .. I would vent my frustrations on twitter because I was still hurt and I did say a few things I didn't mean but what do you expect ? I honestly told him I would rather die than to feel the pain I felt . Knowing how my first "boyfriend" didn't feel the need to tell me he was gay or how he left me for a female he said he didn't want who dated two of his friends ???? Nobody will ever understand the pain .. I literally tried so hard to avoid the mistakes I made before and I literally gave him my all because I thought he was worth it at first . I thought I couldn't be hurt worst than that but being lead on for 3 years and finding out the person you're in love with loves someone else more than you so much they gave away their last name takes the cake ...

 

For some time I tried to figure out what time did he have to spend with her split between me and all these other females , how was she okay not spending his birthdays other holidays with him and why would he do this to me ? but he wouldn't give me any answers . All he had to say was okay , leave me alone , act like you hate me and bye .. I started to move on after that because my new job stressed me out more but kept my focus but I get lonely at night or when I'm alone and have nobody to talk to .. July 23 2014 I got out the shower to a missed a call 12:14 from a 404 number .. Thought bubble pops up , why is he calling ? I didn't call back until I got to work at 12:55 . I'm like hello of course with an attitude and he was like wassup with you ? I was like WHAT ? He was like never mind and hung up , I called back no answer , left it at that .

 

I get a text 3 hours later saying "I felt like it was my job as a man to apologize, I know you hate me just want to say sorry i kno the pain now, you said itll happen nd it did ..." exact words . I did accept the apology and he said thanks .. I go to her facebook and he posted statuses saying how hurt he was that she was inboxing another guy and how his family and friends liked her his life was complete with a broken heart he just wanna know why ... It doesn't feel good to have your heartbroken and I've got heartbroken twice by each guy so it wasn't that I was happy it happened but it's just funny how once I stopped crying and left it up to karma how funny things work out because I honestly felt like since it didn't get him within those 3 years that he would never truly get his but one of last things I told him was everything he does is gonna come back to him and it finally did ...

 

I just don't understand why it takes for things to happen for him to do the right thing .. I asked him then he turned around and said I talked so much **** about him he gave me the apology he owed me , he going through it and to leave him alone .. That made me mad because he clearly never cared that much for me and whatever he feels will never compare to what I went through .. we went back and forth and he said the gay thing messed it up for me but I'm like you wanted to watch porn that night at the room , I'm sorry that I don't like to watch mandingos or look at pink penises .. if I wanted a female I wouldn't have fought so hard for you . I didn't even get into the fact of him comparing me to whichever was bisexual and broke his heart ..

 

I just don't understand like you can't even justify getting married on me to hypothetically me being gay and if you felt that way you should've left then not wait until a year later because you had that in the works then because you changed your number to a 404 georgia area code back in 2012 .. you were on ask.fm pretending to be from ATL and back in 2011 you said your family was moving to nc or ATL so you got what you wanted point blank . I was loyal and faithful to this boy and he used me .. I feel stupid for not leaving him alone a long time and it's sad that if he was to lose everything he had today I would be there to pick up the pieces ... I hate that deep down inside I still care . I hate that it bothers me we ended on bad terms because I never wanted things to be like this I just thought he would always be around .. I've been crying all day because he wouldn't accept my apology and told him I never wanted to end this way but it's like I'm still the bad person here and it just hurts that I let him have that control over me ..

 

I thought I was in the process of moving on but it's like all those feelings came rushing back . I don't know what to do honestly .. Some days I feel like some guy is gonna sweep me off my feet but most days I sit here wrecking my brain trying to figure out why I can't find someone with good intentions to love me for me and want to show me off .. Altogether the loneliness is getting to me and I start to feel like maybe I should be like these others girls but I remember I'm better than that .. I just feel like guys don't value girls like me anymore .. I'm working towards having my own , I don't party , I've only been with 1 guy and in 2 relationships , not a hoe , almost in my 3rd year of college and I have a good heart .. I don't want to fall back into depression but it seems like he always knows how to pull me back in and make me feel like such a bad person .................

 

 

I know it's a lot and I probably seem crazy but any advice or light of hope would be appreciated .

Edited August 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BridgetGrey]

If he is not making you happy then let go girl. The most important factor in relationship is being if he fails there. Put yourself first and walk away I know it' hard but you better be the walk to away with your head high if he is not making you happy.

[unrequitedlove11]

I'm trying , I really am because I know I deserve better but I still love and care about him even though I know I mean absolutely nothing to him...

[hoping2heal]

It sounds like you have some positive things going for you

 

but, you chased yourself right into some straight up drama and do not enter zones.

 

You can't squeeze water from a rock, it will never happen. No matter your effort or intentions. Similarily, you can't open yourself up emotionally to men who are clearly full of bs, have a wife at home, and tell so many lies that if they were Pinnochio their nose could double as the golden gate bridge, and then expect a somehow good result. Wisen up now, that just doesn't happen.

 

We have to take responsibility for our decisions. Sometimes, people fool us and we had now way to see it coming. Other times, like in your instance - we see the trouble and instead of walking away, we hang on and as a result we end up burned in the inevitable explosion. You only get one life, the decisions you make have real consequences.

[BridgetGrey]

Sometime love isn't enough. I needed to learn that lesson with my ex . I knew I had to let him go because we drifted apart because of the distance , yet I used the logic of I love it may work blah blah blah and guess what it came crashing all down and I guess maybe I needed that lesson to realize in my next relationship not to let a guy drag me down. My advise for you is to walk away and find something else use no contact and study. In the first days and week it will be hell,but it's better than staying in a dead end and him treating like you some girl he can have and leave whatever he wants.

[Moonborn]

In the future please use paragraphs. A huge wall of text makes it extremely difficult to read through everything.