StrengthRomantic Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 Hey folks, English is not my first language, so please bear with me. Long story short: Ex GF (Fiance) cheated and left for another man 2 years ago. 5 years together. Had a hard time but eventually got over it and focused on my life/career/fitness/etc. Still single at 29, but dating... Having fun. So why, 2 years later, she still ignores me on the street (she's still with the guy she cheated with)? I'm still blocked on Facebook. I only wanted to say Hi and then walk away, but she just put her head down and kept walking. She was alone when I've met her (we do not live in the same country any more, I moved). So what gives? How come I suddenly don't exist? Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 No idea. I remember talking my ex last time and she even denied that she ever cheated. It might be some kind of tendency that no matter how clear the story would be, next one will still try to cover up and lie. Other than that, some people don't look over their past and try to forget everything, regardless of what they have. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
LarryW125 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Dude, screw her! You don't deserve that treatment! We've got to value ourselves and learn when enough is enough! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Honestly, who cares. Shrug it off. It's probably some sort of guilt or personal issue she has goin on. Not your issue. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrengthRomantic Posted August 2, 2014 Author Share Posted August 2, 2014 I did shrug it off, and it doesn't bother me much, but... We were together for 5 years, and I was good to her, we loved each other, and then she fuc***d another guy. Probably because she was too young. I was her first "real" boyfriend and I get it... She needed more. But still, just a simple HI after all this time would be nice. Anyway, I will forget about it, I've moved on and I'm in love again. But I will never understand how some people can just erase the past. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 I did shrug it off, and it doesn't bother me much, but... We were together for 5 years, and I was good to her, we loved each other, and then she fuc***d another guy. Probably because she was too young. I was her first "real" boyfriend and I get it... She needed more. But still, just a simple HI after all this time would be nice. Anyway, I will forget about it, I've moved on and I'm in love again. But I will never understand how some people can just erase the past. Thanks. Being young is not really an excuse, she would be doing it years after. It is nice to see that you didn't got married to her and that's a positive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
robaday Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 Its a coping mechanism on her part. After my first breakup I would contact her a lot, look at her fb and torture myself thinking about her. My second one too, I kept going back because I still was very attracted to her. But after realising NC is the only way to move on, after my third breakup with another girl, I just went NC and try not to think about her, because its an emotional place I dont want to go to. Easier not to go there mentally or in terms of communication. Dont take it personallly, it has very little to do with you, its more to do with her and her way of moving on. Granted it is rude and crap but for some people they have to dissassociate from it to move on. I still care about my ex and hope shes doing well, but for now at least talking or meeting up isnt going to help either of us 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted August 2, 2014 Share Posted August 2, 2014 Its a coping mechanism on her part. for some people they have to dissassociate from it to move on. I agree that this is probably why she snubbed you. It's not a healthy coping mechanism because it relies on the fallacy that you can ever, truly, dissociate yourself from your past. You probably serve as a reminder of her deceit, and she probably has dealt with it by hitting the fantasy "reset" button where she never has to fully face her actions. As long as she doesn't have to face you. The thing is, once someone has chosen denial and dissociation, they will fight tooth and nail to hold up that false view. There is no door more slammed shut than one slammed by denial and dissociation. And being on the receiving end of it feels just awful. I'm really sorry you had that experience. It's truly not about you but I know that doesn't make it feel any better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrengthRomantic Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 Thank you, you told it like it is. But don't worry, I'm long over it - I just don't understand how someone can just erase everything. After all, we were best friends for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrengthRomantic Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 Being young is not really an excuse, she would be doing it years after. It is nice to see that you didn't got married to her and that's a positive. Yeah, our careers were a priority. We were living together for 4 years and were engaged to get married just few months before we split. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Hey folks, English is not my first language, so please bear with me. Long story short: Ex GF (Fiance) cheated and left for another man 2 years ago. 5 years together. Had a hard time but eventually got over it and focused on my life/career/fitness/etc. Still single at 29, but dating... Having fun. So why, 2 years later, she still ignores me on the street (she's still with the guy she cheated with)? I'm still blocked on Facebook. I only wanted to say Hi and then walk away, but she just put her head down and kept walking. She was alone when I've met her (we do not live in the same country any more, I moved). So what gives? How come I suddenly don't exist? She doesn't want to deal with you anymore...even as a "friend." She will get hers one day... Keep it moving. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrengthRomantic Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 She doesn't want to deal with you anymore...even as a "friend." She will get hers one day... Keep it moving. Yeah, I'm aware. I don't want to deal with her either. But I didn't talk to her or see her since the breakup - 2 years. It's a long time and FOR ME it's more than enough just to be civil. She still holds a grudge, apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Yeah, I'm aware. I don't want to deal with her either. But I didn't talk to her or see her since the breakup - 2 years. It's a long time and FOR ME it's more than enough just to be civil. She still holds a grudge, apparently. Why do you care though? It's been 2 years. She doesn't care to be civil or anything. I am not trying to be rude but just let it go, the fact that she even cheated on you, she doesn't even deserve a friendship. Maybe she doesn't have a grudge against you, it's just simply she sees no point in any contact. Some exes you can be civil with, friends even, and some you can't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrengthRomantic Posted August 4, 2014 Author Share Posted August 4, 2014 Why do you care though? It's been 2 years. She doesn't care to be civil or anything. I am not trying to be rude but just let it go, the fact that she even cheated on you, she doesn't even deserve a friendship. Maybe she doesn't have a grudge against you, it's just simply she sees no point in any contact. Some exes you can be civil with, friends even, and some you can't. You have a point there. But I didn't really think about it until I've met her in person. I guess we all cope differently. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2014 Share Posted August 4, 2014 Hey folks, English is not my first language, so please bear with me. Long story short: Ex GF (Fiance) cheated and left for another man 2 years ago. 5 years together. Had a hard time but eventually got over it and focused on my life/career/fitness/etc. Still single at 29, but dating... Having fun. So why, 2 years later, she still ignores me on the street (she's still with the guy she cheated with)? I'm still blocked on Facebook. I only wanted to say Hi and then walk away, but she just put her head down and kept walking. She was alone when I've met her (we do not live in the same country any more, I moved). So what gives? How come I suddenly don't exist? You haven't existed in her life for 2 years. She's moved on and has decided not to keep in touch or be civil to you. She probably feels bad and guilty for cheating on you, hurting you deeply so she just doesn't have the courage to say hi, she's scared you might open a door to the past and she'll have to 'talk' about it all. Please don't focus on her anymore. She's moved on, hasn't contacted you which means you're not in her mind. Why waste another minutes thought on her when she can't give you a wave or a hello. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrengthRomantic Posted August 5, 2014 Author Share Posted August 5, 2014 You haven't existed in her life for 2 years. She's moved on and has decided not to keep in touch or be civil to you. She probably feels bad and guilty for cheating on you, hurting you deeply so she just doesn't have the courage to say hi, she's scared you might open a door to the past and she'll have to 'talk' about it all. Please don't focus on her anymore. She's moved on, hasn't contacted you which means you're not in her mind. Why waste another minutes thought on her when she can't give you a wave or a hello. You're right. But as I said, I didn't really think about her until we "met". It just stung a little, being ignored like that, that's all. I'm not going to lose any sleep because of it. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StrengthRomantic Posted August 7, 2014 Author Share Posted August 7, 2014 Wow, she actually called. I don't know how, but she managed to find my number. She called, and I didn't recognize the voice. She introduced herself, said she was sorry for for everything, and asked can I forgive her. I said no, I don't really care about you, please leave me alone and never call me back. Then she asked can we please meet and talk. I refused, and repeated: please leave me alone and never call me back. Then she started crying, and I hanged up. I feel like ****, but I know that this is what is the best for me right now. This is all just too surreal. I will NEVER talk to her again, I don't love her any more. Wow... What the F... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts