The killing words Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 So I have been in no contact, working out and staying busy. I always had a hope that we would get back together. I learned today how she really feels and I am relieved and sad at the same time. We have been separated for about 2 months and we talked today. She said that she came to the realization that we could never work out, that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. Yet all along she kept texting me, calling me and I ignored her. I needed to hear what she said so I could move on. I now have closure and will begin the journey today. She was my Fiancé, the love of my life, my everything. As hard as it will be I can do it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shields boy Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 (edited) Sounds tough luck man, and must be a very sad and painful time for you. Least you got closure from her and know where you stand with her. Not everybody gets that. It makes it easier to accept that it really is the end of the road between you and her. Good luck for the journey of pain dude. One door shuts and in time another one will open. Edited July 23, 2014 by Shields boy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Prime example of NC NOT working! I expect the ignoring put the nail in the coffin I know it did with my ex.. his ignoring killed all the love x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant Surprise Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 Prime example of NC NOT working! I expect the ignoring put the nail in the coffin I know it did with my ex.. his ignoring killed all the love x That's because you're trying to use NC as a means of reconciling with your ex, which isn't its purpose. It is used to heal and recover from a breakup. This is actually a prime example of NC working. It seems this person has already begun healing and they have accepted that it's the end of the relationship. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 That's because you're trying to use NC as a means of reconciling with your ex, which isn't its purpose. It is used to heal and recover from a breakup. This is actually a prime example of NC working. It seems this person has already begun healing and they have accepted that it's the end of the relationship. Exactly. NC is not a gimmick used to manipulate a partner into getting back with you. It is simply a means to help a person heal and move on with their lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
theexfiance Posted July 23, 2014 Share Posted July 23, 2014 So I have been in no contact, working out and staying busy. I always had a hope that we would get back together. I learned today how she really feels and I am relieved and sad at the same time. We have been separated for about 2 months and we talked today. She said that she came to the realization that we could never work out, that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. Yet all along she kept texting me, calling me and I ignored her. I needed to hear what she said so I could move on. I now have closure and will begin the journey today. She was my Fiancé, the love of my life, my everything. As hard as it will be I can do it! I'm 100% with you man. My fiance and broke up two months ago. It's a terrible mix of feeling completely destroyed and empty and yet...somehow better. My ex finally stopped e-mailing me a week ago (I got a new phone and wouldn't give her my number). It's hard having loved someone so much. We were engaged for two years and the split was pretty sudden. If you ever need to talk along your journey, I'm here for you. Stay strong my friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arient Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Stay strong. I know how it felt. I myself got two cancelled engagements from the same person. And the sad thing, our engagement was always on his "I will do if I can arrange other stuffs" list, never on the "I will arrange other stuffs to do it" list. Despite all the dissapointment, I still tried to make it work and hoped so much that it would work. But finally got my answer one month ago. The acceptance phase of finality might be the hardest part, but I slowly realize that it's necessary for REAL healing, not just Healing based on the false hope of getting back. Keep us posted. Just know that you're not alone in your pain Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 That's because you're trying to use NC as a means of reconciling with your ex, which isn't its purpose. It is used to heal and recover from a breakup. This is actually a prime example of NC working. It seems this person has already begun healing and they have accepted that it's the end of the relationship. I agree!, NC didn't kill our relationship, the love was not there on her part. You can be in NC for months and if the person has true love for you than it doesn't matter. With true love it doesn't stop ever. What NC did was make it better for me, why? because she didn't come back and it saved me heart ache in the future. I look at it this way I am glad we were just engaged and not married or had a child. I might be very sad right now but I would rather go through this now rather than if I was married to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 (edited) I'm 100% with you man. My fiance and broke up two months ago. It's a terrible mix of feeling completely destroyed and empty and yet...somehow better. My ex finally stopped e-mailing me a week ago (I got a new phone and wouldn't give her my number). It's hard having loved someone so much. We were engaged for two years and the split was pretty sudden. If you ever need to talk along your journey, I'm here for you. Stay strong my friend. Thank you so much! I am sorry for your loss. We will get through this! I have faith that it was a blessing in disguise. I am actually looking inward to fix the things that I need to do. I am not going to date anyone until I can happily be single. I haven't been single for more than a month before (never had a problem finding a girlfriend). This is going to help me. Its really weird. But I have hope. Here's a quote from a movie that I just saw it hit home: "Just because someone stumbles and loses their way doesn’t mean they are lost forever, sometimes we all need a little help It’s not their pain that you are afraid of it’s yours As frightening as it may be, that pain will make you stronger, if you allow yourself to feel it, embrace itand it will make you more powerful that you ever imagined, it’s the greatest gift we have to bear, theirpain without breaking, and it’s born from the most human power…. hope, please we need you to hope again" I have hope, now I just need patience. I am here for anyone that's going through this! Edited July 24, 2014 by The killing words Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 Stay strong. I know how it felt. I myself got two cancelled engagements from the same person. And the sad thing, our engagement was always on his "I will do if I can arrange other stuffs" list, never on the "I will arrange other stuffs to do it" list. Despite all the dissapointment, I still tried to make it work and hoped so much that it would work. But finally got my answer one month ago. The acceptance phase of finality might be the hardest part, but I slowly realize that it's necessary for REAL healing, not just Healing based on the false hope of getting back. Keep us posted. Just know that you're not alone in your pain Thank you, you are further along than I. It is hard, I wish I could erase all of the memories. We had great ones! never argued. But its for the better. We will all heal eventually and be stronger. The most important first step is acceptance. I am just glad I don't have anything else to hold onto. I did during the breakup when she texted me one day saying "we could still happen" but I was a doormat holding on to those words for the longest time. No more. I am pushing through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Just went and got rid of the engagement ring. Moving forward and accepting this. Got exactly what I paid for it, so I'm treating me to a nice dinner tonight. A nice little positive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Just went and got rid of the engagement ring. Moving forward and accepting this. Got exactly what I paid for it, so I'm treating me to a nice dinner tonight. A nice little positive. Nice! You got your money back in exact value, got rid of something that reminds you of her, and tonight you'll be having a very pleasant meal. Win-win situation. You sound very positive about moving on from this situation which is already a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Nice! You got your money back in exact value, got rid of something that reminds you of her, and tonight you'll be having a very pleasant meal. Win-win situation. You sound very positive about moving on from this situation which is already a good thing. Yes, I am positive. I feel broken but I am a survivor, it will just take time. Thank you for your kind words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
depressedman87 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Thank you, you are further along than I. It is hard, I wish I could erase all of the memories. We had great ones! never argued. But its for the better. We will all heal eventually and be stronger. The most important first step is acceptance. I am just glad I don't have anything else to hold onto. I did during the breakup when she texted me one day saying "we could still happen" but I was a doormat holding on to those words for the longest time. No more. I am pushing through this. Wow. I feel for you, but I wish I could have your positivity. I just got out of a year long relationship and I'm a mess. I can't imagine if I had to deal with this. I applaud you for your courage and positive thoughts. Wish I could do it. Here's my story if you want to see my rants. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/486858-very-depressed-over-breakup Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 I agree!, NC didn't kill our relationship, the love was not there on her part. You can be in NC for months and if the person has true love for you than it doesn't matter. With true love it doesn't stop ever. What NC did was make it better for me, why? because she didn't come back and it saved me heart ache in the future. I look at it this way I am glad we were just engaged and not married or had a child. I might be very sad right now but I would rather go through this now rather than if I was married to her. Of course it matters do you know how disrespectful, cruel and nasty ignoring someone you love is... do you know how crap it makes them feel as a person.. it is a very sensitive time after a BU and especially during any possible reconciliation... I wanted my ex back, I wanted to sort it, I tried he ignored and everytime he ignored it chipped away I would not have him back now solely down to how it made me feel x If you used NC to heal then good but you used it as a tool to get her back and it made things worse that I can 100% gauarantee x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Wow. I feel for you, but I wish I could have your positivity. I just got out of a year long relationship and I'm a mess. I can't imagine if I had to deal with this. I applaud you for your courage and positive thoughts. Wish I could do it. Here's my story if you want to see my rants. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/486858-very-depressed-over-breakup OK so I read your whole story. Let me say this and listen very carefully. My ex was younger also. She is 5'9 125 and looks like Giselle. just beautiful. The most beautiful girl I have ever known! The way that I am moving forward is I have changed my way of thinking, doing things. We had the best memories, the best everything. But I cant do anything about her, I can only do anything about me. Do I think about her going out, meeting people, possibly sleeping with someone. Absolutely, but really what can I do? She has facebook, instagram and all that. I can honestly say that I have never looked at them. Why? Because you don't touch a fire with your hand. I know it will hurt me so why do it. What do I do differently? Anything new that will start memories of me getting better. For example, I don't watch any of the shows we used to watch, don't go to any of our favorite places. I am not ready to. I simply started a new. I work out 5 days a week. 3 days lifting and 5 days cardio, I have lost 40lbs. I am in the best shape of my life! Her loss, I am a great guy, treated her like a princess, her loss. Start going to a new gym! I haven't been single for more than a few months in my life. Guess what I am going to be single. I going to love me! I promised myself that I will not jump into another relationship until I start one with me and not have to rely on someone else to make me happy. I was married for 14 years before I met my ex. So there you go. I am 43, have 3 kids, been divorced, but haven't been single since I was 15. Life is not over in your 30s, please take my advice, DO NOT LOOK BACK in 1 year and say I should have let her go. You only live once. Don't let her take that from you. You need to heal. The best break up song ever... FOO Fighters- The best of you. I listen to it everyday. You will meet someone better. I will meet someone better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 Of course it matters do you know how disrespectful, cruel and nasty ignoring someone you love is... do you know how crap it makes them feel as a person.. it is a very sensitive time after a BU and especially during any possible reconciliation... I wanted my ex back, I wanted to sort it, I tried he ignored and everytime he ignored it chipped away I would not have him back now solely down to how it made me feel x If you used NC to heal then good but you used it as a tool to get her back and it made things worse that I can 100% gauarantee x Everyone on the thread has said nothing but positives. You proved your point you are hurt. I understand it. Me, I am moving on. I cant change the past I can only change the future. I choose me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 OK so I read your whole story. Let me say this and listen very carefully. My ex was younger also. She is 5'9 125 and looks like Giselle. just beautiful. The most beautiful girl I have ever known! The way that I am moving forward is I have changed my way of thinking, doing things. We had the best memories, the best everything. But I cant do anything about her, I can only do anything about me. Do I think about her going out, meeting people, possibly sleeping with someone. Absolutely, but really what can I do? She has facebook, instagram and all that. I can honestly say that I have never looked at them. Why? Because you don't touch a fire with your hand. I know it will hurt me so why do it. What do I do differently? Anything new that will start memories of me getting better. For example, I don't watch any of the shows we used to watch, don't go to any of our favorite places. I am not ready to. I simply started a new. I work out 5 days a week. 3 days lifting and 5 days cardio, I have lost 40lbs. I am in the best shape of my life! Her loss, I am a great guy, treated her like a princess, her loss. Start going to a new gym! I haven't been single for more than a few months in my life. Guess what I am going to be single. I going to love me! I promised myself that I will not jump into another relationship until I start one with me and not have to rely on someone else to make me happy. I was married for 14 years before I met my ex. So there you go. I am 43, have 3 kids, been divorced, but haven't been single since I was 15. Life is not over in your 30s, please take my advice, DO NOT LOOK BACK in 1 year and say I should have let her go. You only live once. Don't let her take that from you. You need to heal. The best break up song ever... FOO Fighters- The best of you. I listen to it everyday. You will meet someone better. I will meet someone better. BTW, I still cry, still hurt. I balled yesterday uncontrollably for a few minutes and it passed. When I got rid of the ring, I almost broke down in front of the lady. She said when someone returns a ring she has learned never to ask why. You are not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 25, 2014 Author Share Posted July 25, 2014 So I used to not be a drinker, but since the breakup, everynight I either needed to get loaded (Xtra Large vodka and soda) before bed to fall asleep or I would toss and turn and not shut off my mind. When my kids visit I would have to take a sleeping pill. I did this because I never wanted to let them see me drink. Last night was the first night in 3 months that I didn't have to do either! Baby steps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
depressedman87 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 OK so I read your whole story. Let me say this and listen very carefully. My ex was younger also. She is 5'9 125 and looks like Giselle. just beautiful. The most beautiful girl I have ever known! The way that I am moving forward is I have changed my way of thinking, doing things. We had the best memories, the best everything. But I cant do anything about her, I can only do anything about me. Do I think about her going out, meeting people, possibly sleeping with someone. Absolutely, but really what can I do? She has facebook, instagram and all that. I can honestly say that I have never looked at them. Why? Because you don't touch a fire with your hand. I know it will hurt me so why do it. What do I do differently? Anything new that will start memories of me getting better. For example, I don't watch any of the shows we used to watch, don't go to any of our favorite places. I am not ready to. I simply started a new. I work out 5 days a week. 3 days lifting and 5 days cardio, I have lost 40lbs. I am in the best shape of my life! Her loss, I am a great guy, treated her like a princess, her loss. Start going to a new gym! I haven't been single for more than a few months in my life. Guess what I am going to be single. I going to love me! I promised myself that I will not jump into another relationship until I start one with me and not have to rely on someone else to make me happy. I was married for 14 years before I met my ex. So there you go. I am 43, have 3 kids, been divorced, but haven't been single since I was 15. Life is not over in your 30s, please take my advice, DO NOT LOOK BACK in 1 year and say I should have let her go. You only live once. Don't let her take that from you. You need to heal. The best break up song ever... FOO Fighters- The best of you. I listen to it everyday. You will meet someone better. I will meet someone better. That's some great advice. Just hard to follow through on it. I try. But the depression takes over. Today i sat in bed again until the minute i had to leave to work at 4pm. Unfortunately her mom still calls me so for some stupid reason I know that she's got the house all to herself this weekend and obviously all that's on my mind is that he'll be there all weekend doing the deed and getting incredibly intimate with her like we were just two months ago. And the jealousy, the thoughts that ''It should be me!'' just kill me inside. I'm so obsessive over him and her it's insane. It's like I want more proof that it's hapenning for some reason, like I want to see them together again and being close. It's sickening. How can someone move on so quick without any remorse? I guess it's the age and immaturity coming through? Sigh...stupid brain of mine. Thanks for getting back to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The killing words Posted July 26, 2014 Author Share Posted July 26, 2014 That's some great advice. Just hard to follow through on it. I try. But the depression takes over. Today i sat in bed again until the minute i had to leave to work at 4pm. Unfortunately her mom still calls me so for some stupid reason I know that she's got the house all to herself this weekend and obviously all that's on my mind is that he'll be there all weekend doing the deed and getting incredibly intimate with her like we were just two months ago. And the jealousy, the thoughts that ''It should be me!'' just kill me inside. I'm so obsessive over him and her it's insane. It's like I want more proof that it's hapenning for some reason, like I want to see them together again and being close. It's sickening. How can someone move on so quick without any remorse? I guess it's the age and immaturity coming through? Sigh...stupid brain of mine. Thanks for getting back to me. Only you can help yourself and only if you want it. You wasted another day not healing. You have to pick yourself up and move on. Only then will you start finding peace. Is she worried about you? Does she worry that you stay in bed until 4. Does she worry that you don't eat? I don't even know her and I can tell she doesn't. Take care of yourself. It has nothing to do with age. Honestly out of all the relationships I have had, this is the hardest! Day by day. Baby steps I will move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
depressedman87 Posted July 28, 2014 Share Posted July 28, 2014 Only you can help yourself and only if you want it. You wasted another day not healing. You have to pick yourself up and move on. Only then will you start finding peace. Is she worried about you? Does she worry that you stay in bed until 4. Does she worry that you don't eat? I don't even know her and I can tell she doesn't. Take care of yourself. It has nothing to do with age. Honestly out of all the relationships I have had, this is the hardest! Day by day. Baby steps I will move forward. I wrote an update after this weekend if you want to check it out. More nonsense. Ugh. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/486858-very-depressed-over-breakup-3.html#post5826047 Link to post Share on other sites
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