Smileygirl1 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 I've kinda had a crush on this guy for awhile and he broke up with his gf in February. Well we started talking when I saw him more at church and then we hung out. At first he was afraid to have people see us hanging together cause he didn't want the ex starting drama saying he got over her fast. So I felt bad but he said it was nothing. A few days later he took me out to get a quick bite. We were just being flirty friends and we hit it off. He told me he always thought I was cute and a thing for me. We texted like non stop but then it stopped. I felt like I was just pursing him so I backed off. He texted me saying I disappeared and I said no. We started back up talking and then on our 3rd "date" or whatever we kinda kissed. I don't like kissing outside of relationships so I felt odd lol. He's not a virgin tho so I felt like kissing and stuff is no big deal to him. He seemed as if he only wanted me for that. He'd text me sometimes saying he wanted to cuddle. He never really told me the things he liked about me.. We tried to hang a few more times but it didn't work out due to our schedules. It seems like he has all these chicks in his back pocket and when I told him this, he said he's just a flirty kinda guy. I felt like him not talking to me wouldn't make a difference in his life if he has all these girls..But he said he's very loyal and I believe that. We drifted again and a few days later he was posting pictures of him and this girl on dates..She's the opposite of me (bar scene girl). Even tho we weren't dating, I felt pretty crummy. A part of me feels like it's my fault we didn't stay in touch cause he always said I didn't talk to him first. He made me feel like I shoulda tried harder but I felt like I did. I want the guy to pursue me too. Idk if I blew it with him or what. I'm proud I'm not loose or anything but it still sucks to not be loved for who you are..He never asked me to hang with his friends but with her does..He also only seemed interested in my "other side". He said he liked naughty sides and I felt like that's all he was searchin for in a way? Was it my fault? I'm 19, he's 22, and she's 24. I feel stupid like I wasn't good enough and he wanted an older girl who was like him. I probably never would've fit in with them but we still liked each other.. I really hope it wasn't my fault cause before we stopped talking he said only he tried n he said I was over thinking it..but that weekend was when he went off with the girl soo..I think they were talking while we were so it was probably inevitable. It just sucks seeing him do nice things for her and become something when I thought we were. I feel like a loser even for being upset. Lol advice? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 NO it wasnt your fault!! You and this guy are not a match. Save yourself for someone who deserves you, who will go at your pace and will treat you properly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carrie_o Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Agreed. This is not the guy for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Stick to your standards. Clearly he doesn't fall into your category. It's no one's fault, just a mis-match. It happens a LOT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smileygirl1 Posted July 17, 2014 Author Share Posted July 17, 2014 I just still feel crappy about it even tho we might've not been right for each other. :/ For some reason I just feel like I wasn't worth it to him..maybe I could've pursed him more?. I called him wishy washy once n I think it pissed him off haha. I enjoyed talking to him and in the beginning we had so much fun together..What ever I guess I learned some lessons from it all. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Ever look at it like a blessing? This guy was no good from the start. Trying to hide your relationship. Then telling you he likes the naughty side!? He sounds like a creep. You dodged a bullet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smileygirl1 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 Well he didn't care about people knowing the more we hung out. It's cause I knew his ex and stuff. He met his gf in May and after a month of doing what ever, they just made it official. He's treating her like a princess it seems like. Idk why I'm even jealous cause I know I deserve better. :/ I think I liked the idea of being in love/being treated well and that he's a country guy which is hard to find by me. 2-3 weeks ago he was gonna go night swimming with me but we didn't cause it was too cold..little did I know that was about a week or 2 into what ever he has with his new gf. She claims it's fine what he's done cause he was single at the time and getting to know girls. What ever, now I know even more what I want in a guy haha. I'm not trashy and I'm proud of it. Link to post Share on other sites
starrynightz45 Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 This guy is not looking for anything real. He's looking for a good time. His "cuddle" texts are code for sex. He's now dating a "bar scene" girl. He's not looking for someone like you, he's looking to party, have fun, and to have casual sex. You can do better. It's nothing you did wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Never trust a guy who says he wants to cuddle. That is code for "I want sex." That's so not true... Kidding.. Yes, it's so true! I actually was talking about that with one of my gfs a few weeks ago. We were laughing saying how "we can just cuddle" is such a code for "let me talk you into having sex" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smileygirl1 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 Haha even tho he may seem like scum, he does have boundaries..He seems pretty serious about her. He asked her to be his gf by putting rose petals in her room and giving her roses n candy. Lol he went all out. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Haha even tho he may seem like scum, he does have boundaries..He seems pretty serious about her. He asked her to be his gf by putting rose petals in her room and giving her roses n candy. Lol he went all out. Nobody is all good or all bad. But it is obvious he isn't good for YOU, so focus on that, not what he does for his new gf. If he wasn't even interested in knowing all of you, but only your "naughty side", then you deserve better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smileygirl1 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Share Posted July 18, 2014 Yeah and I'm trying not bashing him at all. He's a gentleman but I thought he was different...I thought he was this all around Christian guy with a fun side. Turns out his fun side can get a little too fun...haha. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 i know how u feel smiley. sucks Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 Guys this age who are semi-attractive and can get women easily will do just that for the next at least 10 years. He's fishing in deeper waters where he can have sex, is my guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smileygirl1 Posted July 19, 2014 Author Share Posted July 19, 2014 Yeah. Welk now I have my guard up even more...it's kinda ego bruising to just be some little fun flirt toy.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 19, 2014 Share Posted July 19, 2014 I'm sorry, you sound like a simpering wimp. He uses women to get his rocks off. You were lucky to get away unscathed. Just because he's apparently 'Christian' doesn't make him either a nice or a good person. Hitler was after all, a devout catholic. I'd feel pleased you're the one who got away, and rather, feel sorry for the poor girl whose heart he will inevitably break when the novelty wears off. You were too much like hard work for him, and he doesn't want to have to work hard to get the girl. You on the other hand, have every right to safeguard what's yours, and SHOULD make any guy work hard for you. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 19, 2014 Share Posted July 19, 2014 Yeah. Welk now I have my guard up even more...it's kinda ego bruising to just be some little fun flirt toy.. now u know how us guys feel. every time. just always losing we r. u try do the right thing that a girl wants but they dont want that Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smileygirl1 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 He once said "if this turns into something" but that doesn't really mean anything haha. When I asked what he expected out of this/me he said "nothing cause he didn't want to get his hopes up so he wouldn't get hurt"... Idk he seems like he's treatin his new girl like gold so I'm happy for them if it all works out and she doesn't get hurt. I wasn't worth the chase/effort to him. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 He once said "if this turns into something" but that doesn't really mean anything haha. When I asked what he expected out of this/me he said "nothing cause he didn't want to get his hopes up so he wouldn't get hurt"... Idk he seems like he's treatin his new girl like gold so I'm happy for them if it all works out and she doesn't get hurt. I wasn't worth the chase/effort to him. Oh well. i know ur jealous. iv been there. he just wasnt into you and leading you on. look how he is treating his new girl. do u think he said to her im scared of getting hurt so i dont think this will go anywhere. pfft u knew him longer than he knew her and within a month they are official. shows he wqs never into you compared to her Link to post Share on other sites
Tbisb74 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 now u know how us guys feel. every time. just always losing we r. u try do the right thing that a girl wants but they dont want that I'm sorry, would you mind writing that again in English? Or are you texting this on a phone? Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 He once said "if this turns into something" but that doesn't really mean anything haha. When I asked what he expected out of this/me he said "nothing cause he didn't want to get his hopes up so he wouldn't get hurt"... Idk he seems like he's treatin his new girl like gold so I'm happy for them if it all works out and she doesn't get hurt. I wasn't worth the chase/effort to him. Oh well. i know ur jealous. iv been there. he just wasnt into you and leading you on. look how he is treating his new girl. do u think he said to her im scared of getting hurt so i dont think this will go anywhere. pfft u knew him longer than he knew her and within a month they are official. shows he wqs never into you compared to her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smileygirl1 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 Gee thanks Fred....maybe it's cause I don't walk around with my chest hanging out of my top or go bar hopping like they do.. They met through friends and I'm not like them. I didn't spend as much time with him like she did. I'm glad I didn't tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris715 Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 Hey Smileygirl, sorry to see you're having a hard time dealing with this. I went through something really similar with a girl that I liked recently. We started dating but I always felt resistance from her to get more serious and she would give me typical answers like "oh, I don't know if I want anything serious right now" and then slowly started contacting me less and less. At first we would be texting and calling constantly, setting up dates, etc. and then it subsided. All the red flags should've been up for me and I should've known to drop the whole thing and let her be, but nope. Long story short she doesn't even tell me we're done, instead goes off and starts dating a few other guys and then proceeds to tell me about how much more she likes them then me. One of the worst feelings in the world and I'm still dealing with the pain None of us like getting rejected and it sucks how people do it sometimes, just know you're not alone. I'm here if you need to vent or talk or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smileygirl1 Posted July 20, 2014 Author Share Posted July 20, 2014 I'm so sorry Chris715. We both deserve better. All we can do is learn from it and keep our heads held up high. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Offspring Posted July 20, 2014 Share Posted July 20, 2014 I think, ultimately, all you can do is gather your resources, realise your worth and keep walking. Eventually, you may want to evaluate why you allowed yourself to like him so soon? Sometimes also it can be bad luck. It seems like 'love' is a game of odds (statistically speaking), and the trick might be to work out how much you're prepared to give, and then withdraw before you feel like you give it all away. The alternative is to develop enough strength to be vulnerable, because you'll never get the beautiful things in life unless you're prepared to put yourself out there. I think my over all advice is to move on and keep being you. Link to post Share on other sites
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