Todays Thought

[jphcbpa]

This helped me greatly and wanted to pass on. Give yourself the space and time to heal. Do not put a timeline on your recovery.

 

Today's thought:

 

Stopping, calming, and resting are preconditions for healing. When animals in the forest are wounded they find a place to lie down and rest completely for many days . . . They just rest and get the healing they need.

--Thich Nhat Hanh

 

We hurt. We suffer. We wrong our loved ones and they do wrong by us. Reaching desperately for an answer will not help us. Pretending we're not hurt doesn't help either. When we are wounded, the wound needs rest in order to heal. So it is with our souls. If we poke at our hurt, pick at the sore, rub it in the dirt of others' opinions, we do not allow it time to heal.

 

If you've been hurt, accept that. Feel the hurt. Be aware of it. Let it heal. Maybe it would be better if you didn't talk to that person for a while. Maybe you need to let go of the relationship. Maybe you just need some quiet time. Whatever the answer is, find a safe place and allow yourself to heal.

 

If you're feeling pain, be aware of it. Feel the pain, and then quit picking at the wound. Lie low. Quit fighting. Relax. Give your wounds time and enough rest to heal.

 

God, help me relax enough to stop, calm down, and heal.

[Itspointless]

The buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh has great insights. Than you for sharing this particular one.

[Amy74]

Oh how I wish I could just go and lay down for a while....days....weeks. Living my life has become excruciatingly...going to work, smiling at patients, making dinner, taking care of the house. I want an extended time out....

[Mariposa10]

Just let time do its thing. Things do get better! I promise!

 

 

 

Oh how I wish I could just go and lay down for a while....days....weeks. Living my life has become excruciatingly...going to work, smiling at patients, making dinner, taking care of the house. I want an extended time out....

[jphcbpa]

Just let time do its thing. Things do get better! I promise!

 

Agree, keep your heart open....work on yourself, learning your lessons, grow in acceptance/letting go, keep asking questions, forgiving yourself and others.

 

One day at a time...this too shall pass.

[Missy0724]

Yes, that is wise and wonderful quote. Thanks for sharing! There are a lot of inspirational sayings, books, thinkers, writers out there. I have picked up a few of these books. The Four Agreements is a great one. Everyone should read that one!

 

These positive sayings and reads can really help us, as we move forward. More positive thinking, mindset, than a negative one. It's easy to get caught up in a negative mindset when we are hurting. I have been mourning the loss of my 9 month relationship. It's so hard to accept it's over, to let go of those patterns, things we did together, plans for the future.

 

But we have to accept that this person doesn't want us, or the same things any more. Maybe they did at one time. They choose to be with us for a while, so there was some love and caring. But it ends. Sucks. But things end for a reason. And why do something, go somewhere where we are not wanted? To a place that makes us confused, doubt, unhappy? That is not healthy. A healthy relationship shouldn't be so much work, a "project". When it's right, it's just right, and it flows. Think of your close friendships...It should be like that, and so much more.

 

And each loss is a learning experience, to help us learn what we do want, and don't want. And puts us more in touch with ourselves. Hopefully! And closer to what we truly want and deserve.

 

Love is like an addiction. Change is SO hard. But we can do it! We need to eliminate the "drug" from our lives, rest, etc. so we can accept, forgive, move on. And some day remember this person, this time in our lives, with a smile in our heart. It will come. If we CHOOSE to mourn, feel the pain, not stuff it or avoid it, go into another rebound, drink, other addiction things to hide from the pain. Feel ALL of it. And know that if you do that, you will come out a healthier person with more insight and maturity. And that can only help YOU and any new person who enters your life. Be healthy for YOU first and also for others. Be courageous! Set goals! Even if it's small steps. Praise yourself for any progress you make! Write it down, journal! Be grateful for what you do have. SO hard to do sometimes, and we will all have down days. That is OK, too. Be gentle on yourself. Time heals... And there is light at the end of the tunnel, if you just BELIEVE. and have faith. You can make it happen, it's all a choice!

[OwMyEyeball]

Thanks for sharing that.

 

The irony is that these types of posts remind me that I shouldn't be spending as much time on here as I do, allowing the "what ifs" and "whys" to infest my mind.

 

As someone else mentioned, this advice is very difficult to put into practice in the modern day fast pace of living. My experience has been that the pain doesn't necessarily go away, but is buried by distractions, obligations and other life concerns.

 

Part of the reason may be that I just haven't yet learned how to process my emotions properly.

[jphcbpa]

Yes, that is wise and wonderful quote. Thanks for sharing! There are a lot of inspirational sayings, books, thinkers, writers out there. I have picked up a few of these books. The Four Agreements is a great one. Everyone should read that one!

 

LOVE the 4 Agreements...particularly "Never Assume" and "Do Not Take Anything Personally"

 

These positive sayings and reads can really help us, as we move forward. More positive thinking, mindset, than a negative one. It's easy to get caught up in a negative mindset when we are hurting. I have been mourning the loss of my 9 month relationship. It's so hard to accept it's over, to let go of those patterns, things we did together, plans for the future.

 

"Begin to think of yourself as a Divine limitless being rather than a person who doesn’t have choice when it comes to your thoughts. Think of yourself as an observer, contemplating and selecting thoughts that you choose from that never-ending stream of thoughts on your inner screen, 24/7/365. I’m encouraging you to initiate a habit of choosing thoughts and ideas that support feeling good and powerful, and that elevate you to a higher level of consciousness where your self-concept welcomes your higher self." - Wayne Dyer

 

 

But we have to accept that this person doesn't want us, or the same things any more. Maybe they did at one time. They choose to be with us for a while, so there was some love and caring. But it ends. Sucks. But things end for a reason. And why do something, go somewhere where we are not wanted? To a place that makes us confused, doubt, unhappy? That is not healthy. A healthy relationship shouldn't be so much work, a "project". When it's right, it's just right, and it flows. Think of your close friendships...It should be like that, and so much more.

 

"Nice Guy (or Girl) Mistake # 1

 

This is one of the biggest and most common mistakes Nice Guys make in their relationships with Crazy – they listen to Crazy’s words and ignore Crazy’s actions. More often than not, the truth lies in what Crazy does, not what she says. If you’re paying close attention, Crazy will sometimes confess/speak the truth, but these moments are fleeting and ephemeral.

 

Crazy doesn’t want to be rescued. Crazy wants to be enabled.

Crazy doesn’t want to be rescued, she doesn’t want to be better if it means she has to do the work to get there and Crazy definitely doesn’t want you holding her accountable and pointing out how she creates most of her problems herself. Meaning, Crazy doesn’t want you to help her to become a functioning, healthy, mature, responsible, gainfully employed adult. Crazy wants you to put up with her $hit and clean up her messes and thank her for the privilege of letting you do so." - shrink4men.com

 

 

 

 

And each loss is a learning experience, to help us learn what we do want, and don't want. And puts us more in touch with ourselves. Hopefully! And closer to what we truly want and deserve.

 

Be thankful for the experience. This is a wonderful chance to grow and become the best version of yourself. New and Improved

 

 

Love is like an addiction. Change is SO hard. But we can do it! We need to eliminate the "drug" from our lives, rest, etc. so we can accept, forgive, move on. And some day remember this person, this time in our lives, with a smile in our heart. It will come. If we CHOOSE to mourn, feel the pain, not stuff it or avoid it, go into another rebound, drink, other addiction things to hide from the pain. Feel ALL of it. And know that if you do that, you will come out a healthier person with more insight and maturity. And that can only help YOU and any new person who enters your life. Be healthy for YOU first and also for others. Be courageous! Set goals! Even if it's small steps. Praise yourself for any progress you make! Write it down, journal! Be grateful for what you do have. SO hard to do sometimes, and we will all have down days. That is OK, too. Be gentle on yourself. Time heals... And there is light at the end of the tunnel, if you just BELIEVE. and have faith. You can make it happen, it's all a choice!

 

LOVE this...yes, it is important feel it all and not stuff or run away. Feel it to heal it. Lean into the pain. If you do it right...perhaps you wont have to do it again. They say the lessons we avoid tends to pop up again and again until we learn what is needed. The universe will not let us off the mat until we learn.

[Missy0724]

It is a tough balance. Being a good, compassionate person, yet having boundaries, standing up for oneself. That can be confused by some as a "*itch" for us strong women. Not easy out there. But in time we will find someone who appreciates us, as much as we appreciate ourselves.

 

WOW - I LOVE the "crazy" quote. So true. I did this - I got caught up my exes baggage, drama. I'm not typically a drama person. But I am a "caregiver" type...Learning to care more about ME now. Hard lessons indeed.

 

I like this one and one of my mantras: "Do no harm, but take no sh*t".

 

This is how I am now living my life. And saying, NO to things, people that cannot treat me with respect, true friend, one way street kind of stuff. I'm very lucky that I have done this already a few times in my life. With family - which are the toughest ones to say goodbye to, love from a distance. Two sisters with severe mental illness. Was not easy - but better for everyone to part ways and not be in each other's lives...

 

The more practice we get to love, let go, process, etc, the better. I am older, so I've been up at bat a few times. Also married for 20 years, went thru a divorce and after three years, lots of ups and downs, still some baggage, but overall ex husband and I are OK and amicable and co-parenting together the best we can. Neither one of us is perfect. We are doing the best we can. Well, I know I am... ;-) He is an ex for a reason. lol

 

I know I'm capable of love. I'm capable of positive thinking. I fall down, I get back up. I'm a survivor. Always have been, always will be. Don't "need" a man or romantic relationship. I enjoy being in one, I want one. But timing is EVERYTHING. And the best things are worth waiting for. I am lucky I am not "alone". I'm blessed with family, friends (amazing frickin' friends!) And huge part of that is because I am a great friend. To have a friend, you have to be a friend. Funny how some people do not grasp that concept...

 

Thanks for the "crazy". It made me smile! I can't believe I have been there...Oh well. Live and learn! And let go! :-)

 

NO MORE DRAMA!!!

[dumbass2]

Thanks for sharing that.

 

The irony is that these types of posts remind me that I shouldn't be spending as much time on here as I do, allowing the "what ifs" and "whys" to infest my mind.

 

As someone else mentioned, this advice is very difficult to put into practice in the modern day fast pace of living. My experience has been that the pain doesn't necessarily go away, but is buried by distractions, obligations and other life concerns.

 

Part of the reason may be that I just haven't yet learned how to process my emotions properly.

 

I am with you 100% on this. This has been my problem all along. I hope I never have to deal with this again, but if I do I will learn from this and hopefully process it the right way for me. This time I did not. During the end of my relationship and during the 3 months of the break up I did not process my feelings properly.