Nightmares of betrayal, Fantasies of revenge. Thoughts on taking my life.

[The_World]

First off i am just going to say i realize how pathetic i sound. I never thought my life would come to this especially at such a young age.

 

It has already been close to a year. I messed up my first relationship with my ex and begged for forgiveness. She decided to leave me for this guy whom i hated in school for constantly picking on me after keeping me on the back burner as just a casual fwb for over a year.

 

I was deluded and that snapped me back to reality. I've since been trying actively to move on. Reading self help books with fervor, working out seeing a shrink.

 

I've recently started having nightmares about the betrayal again. I would picture her laughing and making out with this new guy while i was there and she would be ignoring me. I'd wake up in cold sweat and with my heart racing. I know that they are having sex in real life.

 

I'd have elaborate fantasies about murdering them and as much as i recognize these thoughts are unhealthy, i can't seem to not indulge in them.

 

Then after realizing how fking pathetic and selfish that would be of me, and how i have been reduced to this; i would feel like taking my own life. I really can't see a way out of this torment.

 

I feel like i have severely damaged my mental health and after trying to socialize with people after months of social isolation, i just come off as a complete social retard.

 

Should i tell my shrink about this? If i do, I'll be put on a watchlist and the police will be informed. Is there any way out of this prison.

 

I have sent hate emails to my ex and then immediately sent apology emails again to her before. She has ignored all of them. One of our mutual friends told me she has seen them but chose to ignore them as we are no longer together. I just cannot comprehend how someone who i've cared so much about and i thought she cared as much as me about could do this. Please tell me what to do.

[AnyaNova]

First off i am just going to say i realize how pathetic i sound. I never thought my life would come to this especially at such a young age.

 

It has already been close to a year. I messed up my first relationship with my ex and begged for forgiveness. She decided to leave me for this guy whom i hated in school for constantly picking on me after keeping me on the back burner as just a casual fwb for over a year.

 

I was deluded and that snapped me back to reality. I've since been trying actively to move on. Reading self help books with fervor, working out seeing a shrink.

 

I've recently started having nightmares about the betrayal again. I would picture her laughing and making out with this new guy while i was there and she would be ignoring me. I'd wake up in cold sweat and with my heart racing. I know that they are having sex in real life.

 

I'd have elaborate fantasies about murdering them and as much as i recognize these thoughts are unhealthy, i can't seem to not indulge in them.

 

Then after realizing how fking pathetic and selfish that would be of me, and how i have been reduced to this; i would feel like taking my own life. I really can't see a way out of this torment.

 

I feel like i have severely damaged my mental health and after trying to socialize with people after months of social isolation, i just come off as a complete social retard.

 

Should i tell my shrink about this? If i do, I'll be put on a watchlist and the police will be informed. Is there any way out of this prison.

 

I have sent hate emails to my ex and then immediately sent apology emails again to her before. She has ignored all of them. One of our mutual friends told me she has seen them but chose to ignore them as we are no longer together. I just cannot comprehend how someone who i've cared so much about and i thought she cared as much as me about could do this. Please tell me what to do.

 

I think you do need to tell somebody. Part of the reason that these ideas of revenge and murder are having so much hold over you is because you are trying to keep them secret.

 

Also, you seem to recognize that having those sorts of thoughts does not mean that you have to act on them.

 

I think that the fact that you are having them does not make you a bad person, which I'm pretty sure is what you think about it.

 

I think you are having them for the same reason that people have suicidal ideation, and that is because the pain they are in has exceeded their ability to cope.

 

And I think for you, you feel very helpless. I think the reason your mind goes to revenge, goes to what it does, is because it is not trying to actually suggest a plan of action, but to show you what it is that is your underlying need so that you can find a much healthier way to fill that need.

 

I think that fundamental need is a way to return to yourself a sense of personal power. I will give you some jumping off points for this, and hope that you will post some ideas that really come from you and you know would work for you.

 

--Go out and get someone funnier, smarter, hotter, thinner etc..

 

--Rework the relationship in your head...clearly she was never the prize you thought she was. Instead she was clearly manipulative and selfish.

 

--Go bungee jumping, or sky diving. If you can face down those challenges, you can definitely come to realize that you can handle this one.

 

--It is okay to have negative feelings. Learn to sit with them, tolerate them, and know that you don't need to immediately act to relieve them. Breathe with them and they will often begin to relieve themselves.

 

--Tell your shrink if you can, and see if you can work out a contract, if it would make you feel more in control of the thoughts, and let them not torment you, that you promise that you will not act on the thoughts for the next week, and stick to it and resign it every week to renew your commitment until the counseling and your own personal power steps reduce the need that is driving the fantasies.

 

Ideas of your own?

[Justaguy30]

First off I want to say that you have to no matter how badly you want to. Cut off contact with her. No more emails no more anything, its just making you look bad. I went through the same thing and I wish I had never sent those emails. As for the dreams I think a lot of people have dreams like that. I did for a few months. The fantasies about murder are not healthy but I think a lot of people think similar things after bad breakups but its very important that you don't actually consider acting on them.

 

You should consider talking to someone about everything you stated. It won't get better unless you talk it out with someone.

[Omei]

What you're going through is normal.

 

I've pictured killing my ex before its not uncommon elaborate plans. My first bf cheated on me I know what it feels like to hate someone so much that its ruining you.

 

Lots of normal people think about killing other people in many ways, perfect strangers you see on the street from no place of anger everyday, it doesn't mean they will murder.

 

But I have good news since you only feel this way because you were hurt its likely, pretty much guaranteed to go away when you move on someday.

 

If you're having to convince yourself not to go to them id say talk to someone yeah.

[Timmy1992]

I know the pain you are feeling right now and I know it's tough but first and foremost you MUST stop sending the emails. She is showing people these emails and damageing your reputation terribly. Secondly you dont want any authorities involved. Its normal for you to be angry and hurt which is why you have these thoughts and its part of the grieving process.

 

You are going to need to speak to your counselor immediately. No way around it. You cannot be worried about what happends, more often than not they wont admit you to the hospital unless you have a "plan".

 

Although I never have felt the homocidal portion I can relate to your pain my friend. Infact yesterday was another failed suicide attempt for me. Anyways please try to stay strong. Its hard my god it is hard and it will be hard...but try to stay strong as best you can. Block her and start no contact. You must move on... Cherish your youth because you only get it once and when you have wonderful children one day you must give them advice on how you got through heartbreak...because you will get through it.

[d0nnivain]

Tell your shrink. The doctor patient privilege still applies & can only be broken if the doctor concludes that you are a specific danger to yourself or others. If you explain these are fantasies & you know right from wrong, I doubt the doctor will call the police. I also suspect that by talking about these fantasies, it will diminish their power.

 

 

Can you rechannel the desires? I was always afraid of the dark thoughts so I consciously would redirect them to wish things like getting stuck in elevators & traffic jams on my EXs; having the phone ring just as they stepped into the shower . . . you know life's petty annoyances. Wishing those kinds of things always made me feel better because I would get my "revenge" but they weren't quite so dark.

 

 

Going NC & stopping all communication with your EX will also help. Delete her e-mail. You can still write the hate letters but instead of sending them print them & put them in a drawer. A week later pull them out & in a safe controlled manner burn them or shred them. You will feel better.