Books the brokenhearted should read

[Abandon Hope]

Okay, this is my first post here.

I was dumped 3 months ago after living with my ex for 2 years and together for 3. I will at some point write my story in here but for now I just want to mention a few things that have helped me cope through a very difficult and lonely time.

All the obvious things I will state first.

 

You have to look after yourself now.

Eat as well as you can.

Exercise, RUN RUN RUN.

Sleep if you can.

Meditate, you must meditate, it gives your mind chance to settle. If you don't know how to meditate I can tell you.

 

Now I read a number of books during the difficult times.

First off a basic book which sounds really cheesy but has some excellent exercises and advice is "I Can Mend Your Broked Heart by Paul McKenna & Hugh Willbourn." This book is good to help you straight after the BU.

 

A much more in depth study of heartbreak and human relationships is "Heartbreak - New Approaches to Healing by Ginette Paris, PhD." This book gives a deep understanding of how heartbreak happens physically within a person.

 

The third book and in my opinion the book that really change my perspective is called "When Things Fall Apart - by Pema Chödrön" This book is about opening your heart and not closing it down. It is about leaning INTO to pain and the fear and feeling it as much as you can as a way of transforming yourself. This book is probably best read a little while after BU, not immediately after.

 

You have broken up. Everything you had is gone. You can not go home ever again. You are scared. You are lonely. NOW is your big chance to learn and develop, this is a real opportunity that you cannot get anywhere else. Without a broken heart you can not learn these important lessons about yourself.

 

Youtube, for being in the moment (your only choice now if you want to move on) I recommend searching for videos containing these people;

Ginette Paris, Pema Chödrön, Eckhart Tolle and last but not least Anthony DeMello.

Hope something here helps someone.

[learning_slowly]

Thanks for the book recommendations. Hopefully they will come in useful for others and perhaps me too

[The Like Fairy]

These are wonderful suggestions! Thanks so much for sharing! I am a big advocate of self help books and websites.

 

 

So, do give us some tips on meditation. Any You Tube videos on meditation that you recommend?

 

I bet we would learn alot from your story as well, whenever you feel (if you ever feel) the desire to share.

 

Some of my favorite books are "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood. And oldie, but a goodie.

 

And "Codependent No More" and "Beyond Codependency" by Melody Beattie.

 

Those are very famous books.

[Jiivy]

Love these - Paul McKenna's book helped me to really put aside my immediate, cognitive anxiety.

 

I'd recommend "The journey from abandonment to healing" by Susan Anderson.

 

Deep psychological stuff, fantastic internal fortitude from a psychologist who's been through it too.

[Abandon Hope]

The simplest way to meditate is as follows..

 

BASIC MEDITATION

 

1. Sit comfortably with your back straight, you can do this cross legged or sitting in an upright chair. You can put a cushion under your butt for comfort.

 

2. Breathe normally, don't alter your breathing but just notice it. Put your attention on your abdomen, rising and falling. You can say to yourself rising, falling, as you breathe if it helps.

 

3. Now you just observe your breathe in and out. Thoughts will come into your mind and you may find you have been carried away with them, if this happens acknowledge it 3 times by saying to yourself "Thinking, thinking, thinking" then bring your attention back to your abdomen. If you are hearing outside noises acknowledge that 3 times too "hearing, hearing, hearing". Do this with all senses, if you feel pain then it is "feeling, feeling, feeling" or "pain, pain, pain."

 

4. Try and think of thoughts as if they are trains passing, you acknowledge them but you do not have to add anything to them or follow them where they want to take you. If you notice all of a sudden you are on the train, just acknowledge and come back to the breath.

 

You will find to begin with that your thoughts are there more often than they are not, but the more you practice the easier it will become. Even if you only get a few seconds of "just breathing" it will help.

I recommend doing 20 minutes daily, or 10 to start if 20 is too hard.

 

THROUGH THE PAIN MEDITATION

 

This is a slightly different version and it is very very powerful when you are feeling emotional pain.

 

Sit as above and breathe as above. What you are going to do is SIT WITH your pain. You are not going to run or distract yourself.

When you feel the pain in your chest, heart or wherever, you acknowledge it by saying "I am here, the pain is here and that is okay".

You are now going to sit in this situation for as long as possible.

Now here is the KEY to this process, as you sit with the pain you must not FEED the pain. You must just be consciously aware of it. Do not tell the story to yourself of why the pain is here, do not think of your lost love or any other story that caused the pain. You must sit in full awareness of the pain but STOP telling the story of it.

"I am here, the pain is here and that is okay"

Sit with your pain and see what happens. Something will happen.

Edited April 26, 2014 by Abandon Hope

[Abandon Hope]

Also this video about Heartbreak is an interview with the writer of one of the above mentioned books. Dr Ginette Paris, it is a really great interview.

 

[Reels]

Very nice post.

 

The best way to control yourself is, to think about what is going to happen next.

[DontBreakEven]

The Wisdom of a Broken Heart by Susan Piver

Welcome to your Crisis by Laura Day

 

Both books pull upon buddhist teachings to lean into your pain and allow yourself to grow from it.