smileforelena Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 what do you do when your head decided that you are on NC (and I have been good at it) but at the back of your head there is this little thing saying you want to see the ex (masochistic i know)... we work together so we often run into each other (big reason why NC is a STRUGGLE). and this week a greater power just decided that i need help with NC. the culprit is off the whole week. so im not at risk of running into him. I should be glad (and I am) that I don't need to dodge him. Im actually more comfortable moving about the office. BUT I think Im missing the culprit. No chance of running into him for the rest of the week..... Sigh..this is crazy. Ill probably say this was a stupid post later on... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
roger136913 Posted April 23, 2014 Share Posted April 23, 2014 That would kill me lol... I think your post makes sense and far from stupid... What I don't get about the NC is it's for me, not Her... If I ever get contacted not sure what I would do might depend on why she is contacting me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileforelena Posted April 23, 2014 Author Share Posted April 23, 2014 ikr roger...that was a relapse moment. right after i posted that i saw a post on my fb saying "until we take charge of our emotions, our emotions will take charge of our life" then i heard that whiny voice inside me say..i know but its soooo hard to do that...lol. when i did NC for 4 months right after BU I was getting to a point where I stopped wondering about what you just said Roger...if he contacted me first what would I do. And life is such a joker a week after he did start a conversation with me. back then i was so gung ho about NC then he pulled the "why cant we be friends? we were so good together.." and that melted me like ice cream in the microwave. that started whole lot more drama than necessary if only the ice cream just stayed in the freezer. but im here. living breathing. pain comes and goes. i believe that eventually it will just go. it will for you too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 I used to work with somebody that I split up with, but I was the dumper. It was awful. I got a daily dose of guilt each day. I would talk to her whenever she initiated it, never knowing if what I was doing was best for each of us. If I saw her crying, I wanted to stop it, but knew that by doing anything it may lead to hope. I felt really bad for 6 months until she moved on and succeeded. I was so happy for her, and at the same time missed her smile every day. I'm not saying it's like that for all dumpers, but that is why if people dump me, I try to see their point of view. Which hopefully makes it easier to forgive them , but just as hard to forget! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileforelena Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 sometimes i still rant about what the culprit (sounds angry but ex starting to sound boring) did but i can safely say that i have forgiven the situation (lol...ok him). but like learning said it is hard to forget..and that lingering feeling of hurt just wont go away. the first time i read learning's post it made me think if the culprit is that kind of dumper. as if my ego wants to get bruised if he was. but then again i suspected that he had been trying to wash his hands of the guilt he feels/felt (not sure which) the way he has been behaving. to be honest i want him to live with it for a while just to teach him a lesson to not do it to anybody else again. its hard to be dumped. it does something to the soul. just look at how many of us are here sharing our grief and looking for company for our misery... Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 Yes I sometimes wonder whether these forums are a good outlet, as they remind us of the past. That's it I'm off up the gym and then out. Do the same Link to post Share on other sites
Mary Oak Posted April 25, 2014 Share Posted April 25, 2014 I completely understand. I also work with my ex, unfortunately. I hate it when she is here, because I can "sense" her in the building, and I hate when she is not here (like today), as it makes me wonder what she is doing. Just keep on keeping on.... I don't have any great advice...Feels like I am stuck as well... Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileforelena Posted April 26, 2014 Author Share Posted April 26, 2014 Newsflash.... Guess who rang my phone twice tonite? And left a message why I havent checked on him since we havent seen each other for more than a week......REALLY ??? SERIOUSLY??? What is wrong with people like that???? Apparently the world revolves around him. SMH...I am blessed to have been dumped by that psycho. He is no longer my problem. My phone is off now. calmed down now.....SMH. lol... Link to post Share on other sites
roger136913 Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Not sure I could shut it off with out looking. Day 10 NC and I wish she messaged me. Link to post Share on other sites
FredJones80 Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 Not sure I could shut it off with out looking. Day 10 NC and I wish she messaged me. Roger, i feel your pain my friend.... me too! Link to post Share on other sites
Reels Posted April 26, 2014 Share Posted April 26, 2014 That would kill me lol... I think your post makes sense and far from stupid... What I don't get about the NC is it's for me, not Her... If I ever get contacted not sure what I would do might depend on why she is contacting me... Good one. It should be noted that who wants to keep NC. Link to post Share on other sites
roger136913 Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Well said Reels. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smileforelena Posted April 27, 2014 Author Share Posted April 27, 2014 Yes I sometimes wonder whether these forums are a good outlet, as they remind us of the past. That's it I'm off up the gym and then out. Do the same Im starting to wonder the same thing... but i find myself coming back here when i need to feel understood. i mean in general we tell each other basically the same thing but its the feeling of people really hearing what you have to say because they can relate that keeps me coming back especially on bad days. Link to post Share on other sites
roger136913 Posted April 27, 2014 Share Posted April 27, 2014 Learning I hit forums 5 years ago and 4 months therapy. Of course, she would not go as nothing was wrong cause she had EA. I have been given tools to help me but each time they made no sense. Between the forums and Therapy different approaches to subject had conflicts. What I learned for me was listening to which side of the fence I was on. I can see both sides as I cheated on my wife and she has cheated on me. We talk about the past cause we learn from it. Sometimes it just takes a little longer to learn. Hang in there, you have a knack of expressing in a way that people understand. I am going on day 11 with less hope. Poster like you keep others coming back... No Pun, no gym for me I am going for a Moon Pie lol.... Link to post Share on other sites
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