Love addiction.

[Lizrd3000]

i need some clarification on this one.

 

I was in a toxic relationship with a girl for 6 months, and I begin to see now that I was addicted for her approval/love.

 

the break up happened 27 days ago, I feel slightly better than day one.

 

my question is, how long does it take to return to normal once again after being in a bad relationship for pretty ''long''?

 

I know that there are withdrawal symptoms just like there is in drugs, but I'm wondering when my obssesive thinking will stop and when I'll have the energy to be me again. I just feel so tired lately.

 

I do feel better than when I was in the relationship though, my anxiety has lessened ALOT. but I do miss this girl's love now, not her as a person though, which is weird to me.

[Never Again]

It won't begin until you let it, which sounds stupid but trust me.

 

You have to take it one day at a time. Force her out of your head when she creeps in. Find something to distract you.

 

Friends, movies, video games, exercise, etc.

 

The more you get her out of your head, the easier it'll get. She'll leave, slowly but surely.

[Lost_Dragon]

6 months is not long at all. Try knowing her for 20 and being together for 10+ years.

 

You need to go meet new people and stay active. Do whatever you have FUN doing. Thinking of her will just drag you down and make you miserable. Don't get addicted to the pain.

[mtnbiker3000]

I was in a toxic relationship with a girl for 6 months, and I begin to see now that I was addicted for her approval/love.

 

Use this time to understand why you did this ^^. Sounds like you have some deeper issues that surfaced here. And until you address these, you can expect similar patterns and outcomes. I speak from experience as I have similar issues

[Lizrd3000]

Use this time to understand why you did this ^^. Sounds like you have some deeper issues that surfaced here. And until you address these, you can expect similar patterns and outcomes. I speak from experience as I have similar issues

Yes, there are deeper issues, and I've reflected quite a bit.

 

My parents neglected me during childhood, because I had depression and isolated myself. They thought it was normal teenager behaviour, so it wasnt on purpose. I've talked with my parents about this already though.

 

I know I seek approval from others, but it needs to come from within.

I'm also working on this, and improved quite a bit, as I'm being able to slowly but surely love myself for who I am.

 

I just wish I knew all this during my relationship. I don't have her on a pedastel, but she was really kind and caring. sucks for me.

 

I'm planning on staying single for a few years, atleast not actively searching for a partner. I must work on myself first, I've got plenty to do.

 

as for now, I must focus on my thoughts and getting this girl out of my head.

 

it sucks when the first person you've ever cared and loved just goes away just like that. yes, it's pathetic I know.

 

just venting a little, sorry.

[mtnbiker3000]

My parents neglected me during childhood, because I had depression and isolated myself. They thought it was normal teenager behaviour, so it wasnt on purpose. I've talked with my parents about this already though.

 

I know I seek approval from others, but it needs to come from within.

I'm also working on this, and improved quite a bit, as I'm being able to slowly but surely love myself for who I am.

 

I highly recommend the book "Toxic Parents". This was a real eye-opener for me. In conjunction with several other books as well as therapy, I have learned a ton in the last 8 months.

 

I just wish I knew all this during my relationship.

 

Yeah, the things I'm learning right now, I WISH I knew 15 years ago. Better late than never, I guess

 

it sucks when the first person you've ever cared and loved just goes away just like that. yes, it's pathetic I know.

 

Actually, not pathetic at all. Extremely difficult. I know!!! Quite the opposite of pathetic, IMO!!

[Lizrd3000]

I highly recommend the book "Toxic Parents". This was a real eye-opener for me. In conjunction with several other books as well as therapy, I have learned a ton in the last 8 months.

 

 

 

Yeah, the things I'm learning right now, I WISH I knew 15 years ago. Better late than never, I guess

 

 

 

Actually, not pathetic at all. Extremely difficult. I know!!! Quite the opposite of pathetic, IMO!!

Thanks alot, it feels really good to know that someone knows how you feel, well atleast it looks like you do.

 

I'll give that book a try, might get to know a thing or two about myself and fill my time with something productive!

 

I feel a ton better now man, thanks alot.

[mtnbiker3000]

Thanks alot, it feels really good to know that someone knows how you feel, well atleast it looks like you do.

 

I'll give that book a try, might get to know a thing or two about myself and fill my time with something productive!

 

I feel a ton better now man, thanks alot.

 

No worries

 

If nothing else, know that you're 100%, absolutely not alone in this. There are many, many of us dealing with the exact same things right now.

 

One last thing. I just started watching Deep Inner Game by David DeAngelo. Now, many people will rip on this guy as merely a PUA out to make money off of the broken hearted, low self-esteem, etc... And maybe he is. BUT, this DVD set has absolutely hit the nail on the head with my issues. I recommend you check it out. In this seminar he works with a psychologist, Dr. Paul, who does most of the presenting. And it is GOOD STUFF. At least I relate to it

 

Mostly human psychology with a slight twist towards being a man in today's world! All about co-dependency, boundaries, decision making, observing your ego and many other valid points. Goes along very closely with what I have been learning in therapy as well.

 

PM me, and I can get you a copy if you want...

[maturityassets]

I know the feeling. Love addiction or codependency really does suck. If you look too deep into it you start believing that you were the one who cost you your relationship, that only if you knew it earlier and that life isn't fair I didn't choose to be this way. I was the same way with my first love. The brilliant outlook in all of this is that luckily it's only your first love. It's not like you have been pushing away every relationship in your life for 10-20 years. So I was in the same boat as you, when I lost my first love this year I was a junkie for her approval. And look I know this is hard to believe but I tell myself this all the time now "I Like who I am now and I wouldn't trade that for our relationship to never end." When you are self-aware when you are young you are able to grow a lot quicker because you have a lot less regrets in life.

 

What got me through it all? Addressing my anxiety which was the main culprit to my Love addiction/codependency. I continued therapy, I meditated, I worked out, I met new friends, I got a new girlfriend and etc. In my second relationship I never felt the need to call every night before I go to bed just to see how each other's day went. I didn't need her amazing voice to calm my anxious thoughts down. I now can deal with them myself. So in a lot of ways I thank the ending of my relationship with my first love because it allowed me to be better intune with myself. Plus she wasn't so amazing now looking back as I once thought she was... So like it all works out for the better

Edited October 29, 2013 by maturityassets

[Lizrd3000]

I know the feeling. Love addiction or codependency really does suck. If you look too deep into it you start believing that you were the one who cost you your relationship, that only if you knew it earlier and that life isn't fair I didn't choose to be this way. I was the same way with my first love. The brilliant outlook in all of this is that luckily it's only your first love. It's not like you have been pushing away every relationship in your life for 10-20 years. So I was in the same boat as you, when I lost my first love this year I was a junkie for her approval. And look I know this is hard to believe but I tell myself this all the time now "I Like who I am now and I wouldn't trade that for our relationship to never end." When you are self-aware when you are young you are able to grow a lot quicker because you have a lot less regrets in life.

 

What got me through it all? Addressing my anxiety which was the main culprit to my Love addiction/codependency. I continued therapy, I meditated, I worked out, I met new friends, I got a new girlfriend and etc. In my second relationship I never felt the need to call every night before I go to bed just to see how each other's day went. I didn't need her amazing voice to calm my anxious thoughts down. I now can deal with them myself. So in a lot of ways I thank the ending of my relationship with my first love because it allowed me to be better intune with myself. Plus she wasn't so amazing now looking back as I once thought she was... So like it all works out for the better

 

I relate with you so much, it's creepy! haha

 

I also wouldn't trade it in. after alot of reflecting, I kind of hate her.

my emotions are all over the place though.. yesterday I missed her company so badly, but today I resent her. Tomorow is the day where I'll miss her again, can't wait! LOL.

 

but yeah, I've changed as a person this month aswell, in a good way.

I left myself behind in the relationship, but after the BU, I've found a new version of myself back, a better one. even better than before I met her.

I actually love myself a little now.

 

Right now I'm just gonna focus on feeling good (again?).

I wanna send this song to my ex:

 

 

but then again, why would I? it's over and I don't really care anymore. lol

I know, I've got my immature sides, but bear with me. I'm young. haha

 

I'm wondering though, how old are you?

if you're wondering how old I am, I'm 18 years old.

 

I'm not putting much thought in my posts, I'm just posting what's coming up in my mind, sorry for that! but it helps me! haha

[maturityassets]

I relate with you so much, it's creepy! haha

 

I also wouldn't trade it in. after alot of reflecting, I kind of hate her.

my emotions are all over the place though.. yesterday I missed her company so badly, but today I resent her. Tomorow is the day where I'll miss her again, can't wait! LOL.

 

but yeah, I've changed as a person this month aswell, in a good way.

I left myself behind in the relationship, but after the BU, I've found a new version of myself back, a better one. even better than before I met her.

I actually love myself a little now.

 

Right now I'm just gonna focus on feeling good (again?).

I wanna send this song to my ex:

 

 

but then again, why would I? it's over and I don't really care anymore. lol

I know, I've got my immature sides, but bear with me. I'm young. haha

 

I'm wondering though, how old are you?

if you're wondering how old I am, I'm 18 years old.

 

I'm not putting much thought in my posts, I'm just posting what's coming up in my mind, sorry for that! but it helps me! haha

I'm 20 years old. I was introduced to my ex via a mutual friend when I was 18 even though we did go to high school together and never talked even though we had a class together lol.

 

Anyway it's cool, don't worry I was the same on this site after the break up. It's a tough time and there are times you feel it's all so crazy and sometimes its depressing. I would say it took me 5-6 months to officially no longer have those thoughts of proving I'm doing good without her. I had some help with music as well. Ironically growing up I was a big fan of Fall Out boy and they had stated they were coming back so before we broke up she bought me $300 worth of tickets to see them live and of course I went without her after the break up, so their music has rejuvinated me to become my own individual. So find your own music that makes you feel good about yourself.

 

The best way to be yourself is just do things for yourself. Don't post anything on social media that you think "well maybe she'll see this somehow.." because you for to live for yourself. And today I'm getting surgery on my shoulder due to sports injury and she told me at the time of the break up to tell her if I ever get surgery so she could wish me luck... It was a nice gesture at the time but she isn't in my life and I'm just living my own. Those who I talk on a regular basis are the ones that know. Hope I help

[Lizrd3000]

I'm 20 years old. I was introduced to my ex via a mutual friend when I was 18 even though we did go to high school together and never talked even though we had a class together lol.

 

Anyway it's cool, don't worry I was the same on this site after the break up. It's a tough time and there are times you feel it's all so crazy and sometimes its depressing. I would say it took me 5-6 months to officially no longer have those thoughts of proving I'm doing good without her. I had some help with music as well. Ironically growing up I was a big fan of Fall Out boy and they had stated they were coming back so before we broke up she bought me $300 worth of tickets to see them live and of course I went without her after the break up, so their music has rejuvinated me to become my own individual. So find your own music that makes you feel good about yourself.

 

The best way to be yourself is just do things for yourself. Don't post anything on social media that you think "well maybe she'll see this somehow.." because you for to live for yourself. And today I'm getting surgery on my shoulder due to sports injury and she told me at the time of the break up to tell her if I ever get surgery so she could wish me luck... It was a nice gesture at the time but she isn't in my life and I'm just living my own. Those who I talk on a regular basis are the ones that know. Hope I help

Cool! we're really alike! I was in the same class with my ex for a year but I never really liked her untill a month before we finished high school, we talked about personal things and got close. before that, I knew she liked me but I didn't want to have anything to do with her, she wasnt that interesting. LOOL!

 

I deleted her from facebook, I'm still obsessing over ''last online'' over whatsapp, but I'm dealing with it in a even better way, I'm getting on whatsapp very regular now, so I'm dealing with that addiction aswell!

 

My ex gave me her old laptop, which is working pretty good. I asked her if she wanted it back, but she refused. She also told me to tell her when I get another girlfriend I had to tell her. she also said we might get back together in a few years, and send me a picture with ''true love never dies''.

funny how my perspective has changed in a bit less than a month. I don't want to ever get back with her, haha.

 

I took back up my dancing class, and signed in at a swimming pool to swim there every night for an hour, and going to the gym sometimes.

 

listening to music works wonders with me aswell! funny how I always listened to break-up and love songs all my life, just banging my head to it because it sounded nice, but now even relating to ALL of it! it's so funny.

 

Wish you the best buddy!

This too shall pass!

[maturityassets]

Lol ex told me the same thing about getting back together in a few years and to tell her when I'm dating someone else. I didn't lol. Sure that bothered her lmao.

 

Anyway best of luck to you too. Need someone to talk to there is always the forums or messaging any of us. Best of luck and congratulations on your new found self awareness. People sometimes live their whole lives being unaware of themselves