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Not coping very well today


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 13th January 2013, 3:16 AM   #1
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Not coping very well today

Morning guys, well it's been a few days since I last wrote on here , been keeping myself pretty busy but this morning I just few lost , feel crap , any I guess there is no advice anyone can give me , me pill to take to make the emotional strain go , just wanted to vent it somewhere
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Old 13th January 2013, 3:53 AM   #2
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Sorry to hear you're not coping well today ginger. I have also had a very rough weekend but thinking I'm starting to rise up again as I'm feeling a surge of anger which makes a change from sadness hopefully we won't suffer through the down days for too much longer.
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Old 13th January 2013, 8:46 AM   #3
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Sorry to hear you're not coping well today ginger. I have also had a very rough weekend but thinking I'm starting to rise up again as I'm feeling a surge of anger which makes a change from sadness hopefully we won't suffer through the down days for too much longer.
Thank you x
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Old 13th January 2013, 9:02 AM   #4
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Keeping yourself busy is key! It's normal to feel worse in the down time. Let it run it's course. For me, the end of each crying bout makes me feel the tiniest bit better. I think "ok, I got through that one.. Phew".

Just keep looking forward. You're going to be fine
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Old 13th January 2013, 4:29 PM   #5
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I'm doing everything wrong I'm sure. Still wondering why she left me, then almost convincing myself she will one day remember the love we shared.

I looked at her FB page last night and got confirmation of something I already knew. The guy she left me for and instantly got marriage serious with him, well she changed her status on FB to in a relationship. It didn't hurt as much as I thought, but gives me no further hope I will ever hear from her again. She almost in an instant wiped us out. I guess I have to face up to the fact she's wiped out ALL her feelings for me too. Even not even bothering to think of me, when she's using gifts I gave like, laptops, cameras etc. I don't know how girls approach gifts, or if they will always have a nice memory attached to it. But for me I still wear clothes my ex's got me from years ago, despite those relationships not ending well. And I don't have any feelings of remembrance with these items any further.

Should I in a month or two, arrange to send back gifts she gave me? Could/would that trigger any sort of emotion or thought? Or since she's on cloud 9 and totally in love, would it only mean she's think poorly of me even more, and toss them in the bin?
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Old 13th January 2013, 5:01 PM   #6
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I'm doing everything wrong I'm sure. Still wondering why she left me, then almost convincing myself she will one day remember the love we shared.

I looked at her FB page last night and got confirmation of something I already knew. The guy she left me for and instantly got marriage serious with him, well she changed her status on FB to in a relationship. It didn't hurt as much as I thought, but gives me no further hope I will ever hear from her again. She almost in an instant wiped us out. I guess I have to face up to the fact she's wiped out ALL her feelings for me too. Even not even bothering to think of me, when she's using gifts I gave like, laptops, cameras etc. I don't know how girls approach gifts, or if they will always have a nice memory attached to it. But for me I still wear clothes my ex's got me from years ago, despite those relationships not ending well. And I don't have any feelings of remembrance with these items any further.

Should I in a month or two, arrange to send back gifts she gave me? Could/would that trigger any sort of emotion or thought? Or since she's on cloud 9 and totally in love, would it only mean she's think poorly of me even more, and toss them in the bin?

I would keep them. sending them back seems immature. and also just because the relationship ended doesn't invalidate the good times. right now the items may hurt to be around, but in time the bad will go away.
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Old 13th January 2013, 5:59 PM   #7
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I would keep them. sending them back seems immature. and also just because the relationship ended doesn't invalidate the good times. right now the items may hurt to be around, but in time the bad will go away.
Well the main gift she got me was a beautiful necklace and dog tag with both our names engraved on it. She also has an identical one. We would wear them together, and she'd often check to see if I was wearing mine lol. It's out of sight right now, but meant alot to me. But what's the point in keeping it. I'm not going to look at it ever and get a happy thought as it's a very particular item that symbolized "us", it will ALWAYS give me a painful thought and make me think of her, what if, why, missing her.

I know if she returned gifts I gave her, it would hurt like crazy actually. I wouldn't think she was being immature at all, rather further removing any of "me" out of her life. As weird as it sounds, if she ever did return gifts I'd probably actually keep them, rather than the ones she gave me. Why? Because those gifts I gave her represented my love for her. The gifts from her, well they mean nothing after she so quickly cut me out of her heart. It won't happen of course, I only bring it up to share my feelings on it.
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Old 13th January 2013, 6:07 PM   #8
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I recently threw out/gave away every meaningful gift, letter and item she ever gave me. I know I will regret it later on in life, but the items are too painful to hold onto. It's the only way to move forward.
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Old 13th January 2013, 6:28 PM   #9
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Well the main gift she got me was a beautiful necklace and dog tag with both our names engraved on it. She also has an identical one. We would wear them together, and she'd often check to see if I was wearing mine lol. It's out of sight right now, but meant alot to me. But what's the point in keeping it. I'm not going to look at it ever and get a happy thought as it's a very particular item that symbolized "us", it will ALWAYS give me a painful thought and make me think of her, what if, why, missing her.

I know if she returned gifts I gave her, it would hurt like crazy actually. I wouldn't think she was being immature at all, rather further removing any of "me" out of her life. As weird as it sounds, if she ever did return gifts I'd probably actually keep them, rather than the ones she gave me. Why? Because those gifts I gave her represented my love for her. The gifts from her, well they mean nothing after she so quickly cut me out of her heart. It won't happen of course, I only bring it up to share my feelings on it.
Perhaps i need to stay away from this site, so much pain and misery here, its a sick and cruel world, sorry ginger, sorry respectfully alone...F THIS !!!!!
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Old 13th January 2013, 9:59 PM   #10
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Well I have a necklace like that from an old relationship that took me years to get over but her and I are good terms now and I only think of the good times with her. The breakup doesn't bother me at all.

I don't know if you remember or have heard the "sunscreen song" its basically this guy giving a speech on life advice put to music. But part of it says to save all your love letters. I actually still have a whole box full of all the letters and emails we exchanged when she was overseas.

Its hard now cause you're still in the thick of it, but you should always remember the happy times.

Things don't have to last forever to be worthwhile.
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Old 14th January 2013, 1:40 AM   #11
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I would keep the gifts. But put them all away so you do not see them. I have many things that I have put into a bag on top of a shelf in my wardrobe. I don't see it.
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Old 14th January 2013, 2:51 AM   #12
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I wonder if guys and girls look at gifts differently. How many guys honestly keep gifts if they got dumped by their girl they loved? It wasn't a mutual separation, rather she bailed on me instantly and got with another guy who had been someone she was after and liked for awhile. Thus she not only broke my heart, she cheated and lied. Thus as a guy I look at these gifts in disgust, as they are tainted.

How about girls who got dumped by their guys? Who here has kept gifts? Does it depend on how you part?

Last edited by RespectfullyAlone; 14th January 2013 at 3:23 AM..
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Old 14th January 2013, 6:02 AM   #13
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I wonder if guys and girls look at gifts differently. How many guys honestly keep gifts if they got dumped by their girl they loved? It wasn't a mutual separation, rather she bailed on me instantly and got with another guy who had been someone she was after and liked for awhile. Thus she not only broke my heart, she cheated and lied. Thus as a guy I look at these gifts in disgust, as they are tainted.

How about girls who got dumped by their guys? Who here has kept gifts? Does it depend on how you part?
My x kept the gifts I gave her and gifts she gave me lol , oh and gifts I brought myself including an Xbox , I hope she enjoys playing that with her new b/f when she gets one !!
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Old 14th January 2013, 6:52 AM   #14
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Join a kick boxing gym and beat the hell out of a punching bag. Pretend it's your ex. I'm only advocating this in safe and controled environment at a licensed kickboxing facility (not violence). It's good to get out the aggressions in safe way It's a high intensity workout and you will definitley leave feeling so much better.

Also there likely other single people there too you could maybe strike up a conversation with

It helped me a lot actually

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Last edited by SuperGeek; 14th January 2013 at 6:54 AM..
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Old 14th January 2013, 7:48 AM   #15
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Should I in a month or two, arrange to send back gifts she gave me? Could/would that trigger any sort of emotion or thought? Or since she's on cloud 9 and totally in love, would it only mean she's think poorly of me even more, and toss them in the bin?
I wouldn't. I'd just leave it alone at this point. Just drop off the grid and move on man. Returning gifts won't do you either any good. She's gone and it's just going to stir up more emotions giving stuff back. I'd cease all contact as well. No emails, texts, phone calls, smoke signals, telepathy, etc. Nothing. If you got a smart phone block all calls and texts. Get that cool app that will just answer and hang up so they can't leave a voice mail. if you get a voicemail delete it wihtout listening to it. Remember, she's with another guy, she isn't worth your time at this point.

I had the same thing happen to me. Not only did she change her status to single on facebook, but her entire friends/family cheered her on when she did it and I was still on her facebook friends list and witnessed the entire thing. How completely wrong they were... ironically she tried to come back a year later and i declined.

My best advice (My ex left me 2years 4 months ago btw) is to go NC. You said yourself there is no hope. Take all her stuff out of the house/flat and put it in a suitcase or a bag and give/mail it to your parents. Have them store it somewhere and not to let you look at it until you're in a new relationship again. If you don't care to keep it, just have a ceremony and burn it all, or give it away to others who might find some use for it.

Two weeks after my ex left me, I was stuck with a nice fat mortgage on a gutted empty house. I rented a moving truck and basically unloaded everything we had ever bought together and donated it all to the homeless shelters. Probably over 6,000 AUD worth of stuff. I sold the house and moved to a new city where I've now started a new life (though it's slow going). I never did sleep in our bed a single time after the day she left. I slept on the floor and on the couch for almost a year. It took a long long time and it was painful. Now I love sprawling out in my bed and having it all to myself

The best decision I ever made was going NC and getting rid of all that stuff and selling that house. It got me away from the emotional memories. However you choose to do it is up to you. I guess it just depends on how sentimental you are. I've found that some girls just aren't that sentimental with this stuff... it must be different brain chemistry wiring that i will never understand.

you've confirmed she's done. Get her off your facebook. It also might be good to get rid of her friends too, they will just gossip about what she's doing and trust me you don't want to hear what she is doing - you won't be able to handle it.. Hell get rid of your facebook altogether for awhile or prune your friends list down to mostly blokes and people who don't have any connection with your ex. Facebook is really called 'painbook' when you're going through a breakup. I ended up getting rid of my facebook for two years and just called the few friends that I had left after my ex blew up the bridge.

I'm here posting so I can give back to this community and to get past my own trust issues. I'm over my ex now, but I have difficulty trusting in new relationships.

Good luck to you. This is just my thoughts from my 2 years 4 months in my healing process. NC is the best thing for you (even though it is very painful at first) to heal.

My heart goes out to you,

SuperGeek

Last edited by SuperGeek; 14th January 2013 at 8:04 AM..
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