Love/Relationship addiction

[SelfCentered]

First of, if this is in the wrong area mods please move it! I suppose it could be more of a "health and well being" issue....

 

I've recently stumbled on a disorder called "relationship/love addiction".

 

On different websites it goes by different names. Some say "relationship/love addiction" and "sex addiction" mean the same thing". Other's say they're different.

 

I've been questioning aspects of my personality since my breakup. We weren't together long- not compared to my other relationships- yet it has properly hit me for six and it doesn't make sense. I should be coping with it better.

 

I stumbled upon this "relationship addiction" disorder and I seem to tick many of the boxes.

 

The NHS website describes it as the following:

 

Love addicts, on the other hand, become dependent on the emotional stability provided by romantic partners. Love addicts often have low self-esteem and lack self-identity, and their addiction can result in obsessive, controlling behaviour.

 

This is true for me.

 

My whole life I have mocked those who I perceive to rush from one relationship into another, saying things like "Ha! Why can't you just be comfortable as a single person. Pathetic".

 

I never really understood why I used to get so passionate about it.

 

Now I realise: Deep down, I've always thought that if you're not in a romantic relationship you're somehow less of person.

 

I guess I always said the opposite out loud about other people because I was hoping if I said it enough, I'd start to think it.

 

But that isn't the case.

 

I have low self-esteem. I give so much of myself when in relationships in the hope that some of the emotion comes back my way. I just want to feel loved. I know at it's root that's a basic human desire- we're sociable animals after all- but with me it gets to the point where I "need a fix" and constant reassurance.

 

I define myself on whether I'm in a relationship. This is hard for me to say because it's NOT how I want to think, but the time has come for honesty.

 

When I'm in a relationship, I love to see my Fb feed change from "single" to "in a relationship with..." . I like this because I want people whose opinions I care about see me as a success.

 

The problem I think has only got worse.

 

That's why this breakup- even though we were only together for around 5.5 months- is hitting me so hard.

 

It also makes me question whether I actually "loved" her or "loved being in a relationship". Don't get me wrong, I care(d) about her deeply but...it's making me think.

 

Another website lists the following symptoms:

 

You downplay her faults (‘She doesn’t mean it) and take an unbalanced amount of responsibility for the problems

 

I ALWAYS did this with my ex! Whenever she was a bitch, I'd say "she's young, she has a mucked up family life". I also took control of ALL of her problems. I wrote her CV, sorted out her student loan, got her her job, sorted out her TV license, wrote her essays....EVEYTHING! Usually at the expense of my own problems.

 

Whenever I'm single, I consider myself a failure. Whenever I'm single, I treat every social occasion as an opportunity to find a soul mate. It's sad, it's pathetic, it's not how I want to live.

 

I'm due to see my doctor next week regarding my anxiety problems, but I'm going to bring this up as well as the two could be related.

 

Just wanted to know if anyone had any opinions of this, or could add some advice?

 

Thanks

[Philosoraptor]

If you feel that you have a relationship addiction I would honestly suggest to stay single on purpose for awhile, and not look so you don't have to feel like you are some sort of failure.

 

I would talk to a therapist regarding these issues and he or she may be able to help you. Learn to love yourself first and you can truly love and accept the love from others.