brokendreamz Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Quick re-cap: Together 8 years, engaged for 2, it's now 6 Weeks after she left me; mainly because I grew complacent, took her for granted and acted like a selfish grumpy prick, and a little to do with the fact that we hooked up when she was only 19 (she's now 28) and she wants to be on her own as she 'never really did anything with out me' and is excited at the thought of having her on place/life etc. I'm totally crushed! I thought, no knew (!) that she was 'the one' I didn't put a ring on her finger for a joke!! and she assures me she said yes and meant it at the time. Now we are in the process of selling our beautiful home that we invested so much time, money, blood sweat and tears in. I've been kidding myself for the last 6 weeks that we'd get back together but after seeing some of my old mates and talking things through with them I realised I was delusional! So I called her and basically said that I had hoped that she'd come back but I now understand it's over - she cried and told me she hates that she's hurting me but she doesn't feel the same any more. She's not a nasty person and I know there's no one else so I'm lucky for that I guess, she would love to be friends and so would I but I know it can't be. I miss everything about her and can't believe I was such a dick head - I've lost the love of my life and my life was centred around her so I'm totally lost!! I can't believe we'll never see or speak to each other again! What should I do?? I'm so sad! Link to post Share on other sites
screwball Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Allow yourself time to grieve and remember that this too shall pass. You may talk to her again someday, but it needs to be after you've healed and moved on. Sometimes I think it is harder with exs who are nice and didn't cheat. It means that she left because of some fault of yours and it's hard to admit to being wrong. Plus you don't have the satisfaction of being angry at her. In time you may want to reflect and gain some knowledge from this breakup. But for now, focus on you getting through each day. There are a lot of threads here about getting through the stages of grieving, but there is no magic bullet that will make you feel happy all of a sudden. It takes time. Link to post Share on other sites
dave560 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Hi brokendreamz, Sorry to read your story. I can somewhat relate also I was in a 6 year relationship that also ended a similar timeframe ago. I accepted the message it was over probably about a week after the break-up and so this has probably helped things move on a bit rather than be stuck in limbo, but at least you are now on the right track to getting over her, not that this really provides much comfort right now. The only advice I can offer is to maybe forgive yourself right now, growing complacent and being grumpy aren't unusual in relationships that work and with those that don't. It is also not usually one-sided, although I am sure it is likely that this is all you are seeing right now. Your life was centered around here? This is a sentence I can relate to. It's a tough lesson, I think investing so much happiness in another person can be toxic and can often have the opposite effect of making you an unhappy person who is never fulfilled. It is also worth remembering that she felt, like you say, that she had no experience of life outside you. These are powerful feelings that would always be there and could manifest itself in self-destructive ways, perhaps you can take some light in the fact she realised this now, and not in say another 8 years. Link to post Share on other sites
timchambo Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I don't see how complacency can solely ruin a relationship. Every married couple I have ever met has an element of complacency. Maybe you were a bit overly grumpy, but I still don't see these things ending a relationship out of the blue. Are you sure there is no other guy? I wouldn't take just her word on that. I have learned from experience even when you have names, numbers, times, dates, 3rd party testimonials that they can still deny it. Take a couple weeks and chill with you boys. Visit family. Build relationships. Do the things you should have been doing during your relationship.. building your life up outside of her. That is my #1 regret (aside from meeting my ex in the first place), I allowed her to become the entirety of my world. You will start to get in touch with yourself again and you will begin to see how life goes on without her. I am going through the same thing bro. Over 7 years, been broken up about 2 months now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 There's defo no one else - I'm as sure as sure can be. She just isn't like that. I know there will be eventually and I hope I never get to hear about it, but in a way all I want to do is know she's happy and if it takes another bloke to do that then so be it (gulp). Sorry to hear you guys are going through similar - **** isn't it! I hope that one day when we've both moved on properly, we can meet for the occasional coffee etc, we've been best friends for 8 years and although there won't ever be romance again, we're still friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokendreamz Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Oh yeah - It's her Birthday on Wednesday, the first she'll have spent without me for the last 8 years... So, do I stay NC? Send a card? Send a card and gift? Jump off the nearest tall building? Link to post Share on other sites
bboy Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 You've stated to her that you don't want any contact. Maintain that course and be grateful to yourself that you've had the strength to keep your promise to yourself. Don't forget the day after to go buy yourself something as reward. A secondary effect will be of course that she will feel the absence of your efforts and that you are now walking on your own path in life. Link to post Share on other sites
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