Riversong Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 This is my first post... Like many on here the break up was sudden, and it happened almost exactly a year ago. But I still have too many 'bad' days. A song, something someone says and I am reminded of him and the tears flow. I have dated, I have made many new friends male and female. Men have told me I am attractive, which should make me feel better but it doesn't. I'm just struggling to move on and forget him. He cheated on me. It may have been GIGS, commitment issues. I will write the details in another post. 3 months before he dumped me his sister said thank you for supporting him through his separation, a month before he told me his friends said how nice I was, he told me he loved me because... We spent Christmas together with my son, then New Years with my son (he lives half the week with my ex husband) and his son (he sees every 2nd weekend) and there are other things to say but 2 weeks later he told me over the phone that we wouldnt have the future together that we planned, he hadn't enjoyed spending New Year with the four of us together, I didn't have the same sense of humour. We never had any major arguments prior to this, that is all I ever knew about how it went all wrong. A week later I went to his home, it was mid afternoon he should have been at work, but he wasn't his car was there and her car was there, bedroom curtains closed. I knew then there was someone else. I went back in the evening, the shock on his face when he answered the door to me.... The last contact was 10 months ago (two months into the relationship with her), he replied to a text I sent him saying this 'I have no feelings for a relationship with you and I mean you no harm, you were very good to me and I'm sorry it didn't work out' I don't think I got the proper closure I needed, his excuses were lame and I wanted to know more about what went wrong, I am a believer in learning from your mistakes but I didn't learn anything. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenPolicy Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 This is my first post... Like many on here the break up was sudden, and it happened almost exactly a year ago. But I still have too many 'bad' days. A song, something someone says and I am reminded of him and the tears flow. I have dated, I have made many new friends male and female. Men have told me I am attractive, which should make me feel better but it doesn't. I'm just struggling to move on and forget him. He cheated on me. It may have been GIGS, commitment issues. I will write the details in another post. 3 months before he dumped me his sister said thank you for supporting him through his separation, a month before he told me his friends said how nice I was, he told me he loved me because... We spent Christmas together with my son, then New Years with my son (he lives half the week with my ex husband) and his son (he sees every 2nd weekend) and there are other things to say but 2 weeks later he told me over the phone that we wouldnt have the future together that we planned, he hadn't enjoyed spending New Year with the four of us together, I didn't have the same sense of humour. We never had any major arguments prior to this, that is all I ever knew about how it went all wrong. A week later I went to his home, it was mid afternoon he should have been at work, but he wasn't his car was there and her car was there, bedroom curtains closed. I knew then there was someone else. I went back in the evening, the shock on his face when he answered the door to me.... The last contact was 10 months ago (two months into the relationship with her), he replied to a text I sent him saying this 'I have no feelings for a relationship with you and I mean you no harm, you were very good to me and I'm sorry it didn't work out' I don't think I got the proper closure I needed, his excuses were lame and I wanted to know more about what went wrong, I am a believer in learning from your mistakes but I didn't learn anything. It sounds like your only mistake was getting involved with this guy. He sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's challenging - I'm 2 years past the break up and still have bad days. It's challenging. I hope everything will be good with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riversong Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks Greenpolicy, what makes it easier is that he had most probably realised the grass is not greener! That will be another post.... You get into a blaming yourself frame of mind, he also mentioned communication which I forgot to mention, but considering I had been in hospital overnight 2 weeks earlier due to stress, well it just shows the kind of guy he was. I just have to keep reminding myself of that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riversong Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks health, I wish I had discovered this site months ago, it's so supportive :-) My friends try to be helpful, but they don't understand fully as they are all in long term stable relationships. It helps knowing I'm not alone. I hope this hurt will soon be a distan't memory for both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Fern Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 Sounds like you were a rebound. I don't think a proper rebound relationship EVER works. Even if the two people are totally perfect for each other. There's nothing you could have done to change this outcome. Just learn to be more wary of guys who're just out of LTRs. I hope you feel better soon. Honestly, I find this post scary - I really don't want to still be pining over my ex in ANOTHER 6 months. Good God. It doesn't bear thinking about... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riversong Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) I'm so stupid really I need to get over it. Ex bf new relationship has all the patterns of how ours began, he is a charmer through and through. The only difference is that I didn't move in after 4 months (unlike his new gf) as I had a son and while you are in the honeymoon period it's easy to jump in head first, I knew not to do that, though within in a few months he did talk about buying a house together. My friends say I was lucky, I kept my own place. Edited January 27, 2011 by Riversong Link to post Share on other sites
Fern Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'm so stupid really I need to get over it. Ex bf new relationship has all the patterns of how ours began, he is a charmer through and through. The only difference is that I didn't move in after 4 months (unlike his new gf) as I had a son and while you are in the honeymoon period it's easy to jump in head first, I knew not to do that, though within in a few months he did talk about buying a house together. My friends say I was lucky, I kept my own place. You said something in the OP about him most likely realising the grass was not greener. What did you mean? If you don't mind me being nosy and asking? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Your post is scarily similar to mine. You don't live in Melbourne do you? Link to post Share on other sites
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