I just don't feel like talking to her anymore.

[durkadurka]

My ex and I broke up officially 6 months ago, but we were still attached at the hip until August,

so

it's really been 4 months. We've had intermittent contact, because we had finances to sort out, and some interpersonal issues that needed to be addressed.

 

Both of us has admitted to having feelings for the other still. She admits to being sexually attracted to me, and still thinking about me moving down to be with her. But she always stops short of making a real move. She says she wants to be friends for now, something that I'd never accept.

 

To be together would take such enormous effort that I think both of us are scared to make a move.

She is currently seeing someone

, I don't know how serious it is, and frankly, it doesn't matter to me at this point. We recently took a trip to Vegas together where we both had the time of our lives.

 

She is broke, her dad is unemployed, and her family is on the verge of implosion. She has been making bad decision for months, and I'

m

fed up. About 3 weeks ago, I kind of laid it down for her, telling her that I didn't want to see her keep on getting into worse and worse shape, and that it's not something that I'

m

happy with watching.

 

Since then, I've heard from her intermittently, saying she misses me, or that her grandparents wanted to say hello, to telling me how she feels about her friends wedding. This was 2 weeks ago.

 

I sent her a care package of Christmas gifts for her and her family, because they could not afford to have a good Christmas. I did not really hear from her on Christmas day because she apparently left her phone at home, she sent me a text at around midnight saying she'd call on the 26th. Never happened. On the 28th I get a text saying she wasn't near a phone (her cell doesn't have an international plan) for a few days, but asked if I could get on facebook to chat. I said I was busy (I was on the top of a ski hill, I legitimately was busy), but I wasn't going to be relegated to a chat program either.

 

Yesterday, I got a text asking if I was free to talk. By the time that had finally happened, 5 days had passed since Christmas, and I was over it. I kept on hearing excuse after excuse, when it takes 30 seconds to send an email. I found it really hard to believe that she hadn't been near a phone for 5 days.

 

I don't know what to say to her anymore, everything I come up with makes me sound like a jerk. But I also don't want to leave her hanging either.

I don't feel that I should say 'Sorry I've been busy.' Frankly, I've got nothing to apologize for and the idea of saying sorry is repugnant to me.

 

I've finally reached the point where I'

m

over it and I just don't want to talk to her anymore. My life is great, hers isn't. I've tried to help, and I can't and it's not my place anymore. I don't really want to know about her life.

 

I'

m

not one of those guys that is a guy of convenience, a person that girls ring up every couple of weeks just to say Hi to. Saying thanks is a simple process, is the idea of leaving a voicemail lost on everyone?

 

I don't know if I should tell her I'

m

irked or if I should just go on ignoring her. The girl has no idea what she is missing. I feel like I'

m

being a jerk, but whatever she has to say can never be good. Frankly, it takes 10 seconds to say thank you, but she's drawn this out into a painful process I don't want to be a part of.

Edited January 1, 2011 by durkadurka

[WTRanger]

I'm not one of those guys that is a guy of convenience, a person that girls ring up every couple of weeks just to say Hi to.

 

Are you sure about that? It seems that way to me since in the last 6 months you've done a pretty good job being such a convenience. You didn't have to send her anything for Christmas, that's for her NEW boyfriend to do.

 

She's also not dragging this out. YOU ARE! YOU ARE AN ENABLER! Unless you say a direct "No" and walk away completely, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. Stop dumping the blame on her. Stop blaming her for your own failures to remove yourself from her life. Everything you've ever listed as to why you want to stay in her life is just an excuse for your own fear of letting her go.

 

If her life craps out, that's not your responsibility anymore. You are doing all of this to yourself because you have some need to be this knight in shining armor. Where is it getting you? What have you accomplished in the last 6 months? You went to Vegas with her and what did that do?

 

Stop enabling her behavior then acting like you are this "victim." You aren't. So stop acting like you have to save this girl.