Im losing my mind!!! why do i love her so much!!

[dgr2500]

I never thought i would resort to posting on internet forums for relationship advice or support or whatever but, I dont know what to do anymore and the pain wont go away.......I was dating this girl for a year and a half it was my first serious relationship and what i consider my first love. I love this girl more than life itself and anyone around me could tell you that. Our relationship started getting rocky a few months back because our financial situation and us being down and out on our luck. I could see she was unhappy and started to feel i was losing her, i proposed to her to try and give her assurance that everythings gonna be okay and as long as i love her things will work out for me and her. We made our decision to both move back home to get ourselves setlled and situated better with support from our families so that we can try getting our own place down the line when were both more financialy stable....I really didnt want it to resort to that i had been holding on to her and struggling for months to get by because i really cant handle being away from her she is a huge part of me. Well she moved back to MS and i moved to VA. I was trying my best to be optomistic about the situation and telling myself this time apart is gonna be therapudic for our relationship and things are gonna be so much better once we finally settle down again. After the move i start to get weary because she is barely calling me or make and effort to talk to me and it started to hurt because all i do is sit up here and think about her and its like she doesnt give me the time of day anymore now that we were apart. Come to find out she had been sleeping with her ex and trying to get back with him aswell as talking to 2 other dudes she went to high school with.....that was like a bulldozer to my heart. Even after i found that out i was so shocked and hurt i still wanted to be with her..i know call me an idiot but u dont understand how much i love this girl....she told me at first she was sorry and she wanted to get help and counselling....it ate away at me so bad i called her for everyday for like a week crying and asking why she would do this to me? why she would dishonor my ring like that and stomp on all the love i gave her....after a few days of that it turned into her telling me she doesnt want to hear my bull**** anymore whenever i called her and i need to get over it...it shocked me how cruel she could be...i would call crying and she would just go off on me pointing out my every flaw telling me how horrible of a person i was and putting up this defense when i wasnt trying to attack her to begin with i was just trying to express my feelings because the pain was so deep. Shes been doing that ever since i dont understand why she is so cruel she is the one who ****ed me over and im sitting up here torn apart and its like she could give two ****s less she wants me to feel like a piece of ****. She doesnt answer my calls or text..she tells me im a psycho and i should leave her alone..but when i ask her if we are still together she wont give me a straight answer she just cuts me off! Words cant describe the pain ive been going through every single day...i just dont understand why she is doing this is every thing we had mean nothing to her? i tryed everything so far i try cutting her off and i just obsess so hard over her and what shes doing and who she is with that i end up calling and either she doesnt pick up and i just feel worse or she will pick up and basically tell me im a piece of **** and to leave her alone. i try doing other stuff to get my mind off her like going to the gym spending time with my family etc. and it helps for a little then as soon as thats over and im sitting alone again all i can think about is her i sit her and obsess about her and why she is doing this and i cant get it out of my mind. my brain tells me i need to move forward and my heart and feeling are screaming i love her and i just want her back! I miss her so much and the thought that she could give two ****s less is killing me inside. I know shes seeeing other guys and talking to other guys and that hurts even more to think i wasnt good enough.....I just dont know what to do anymore shes the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last thing before i go to sleep...and the thought of what she is doing and what she has done tortures me and the pain of the love lost is even worse....she doesnt call me anymore at all or make any effort to talk to me and just a month ago we were engaged!!! someone help me i dont know what to do anymore.....

[cookie2]

u dont understand how much i love this girl....

Yeah we do man, loads of us are in exactly the same situation. Less than a month ago I was happily married and discussing kids, now I am just waiting until October so I can file for divorce.

 

Sorry for your situation dude. It sucks. But you have to stop talking to her. She doesn't want you back and unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about that. If you chase her then she'll just get annoyed with you. You definitely need to go NC.

[bonpaw2008]

Welcome dgr, sorry about your situation....you are going to get through this, start reading all you can on this forum, read all of the "No Contact" guides you can get your hands on, it will get better. It feels hopeless right now but you came to the right place....

[markandrew]

I remember this women I was so obsessed with, it lasted for more than a year. It was hell. Then one day, it was all over. Wait for that day, it will come. You'll look back and think, what the hell?

 

Rejection can make us believe it's love. You invested in something and now you realize you made a bad investment, and your ego hurts. It's not really love. Kind of like the song, I hate myself for loving you.

 

I find the no contact rule is essential. You'll get out of the mess faster.

[This Hurts]

I know exactly how you feel, but what you're doing/are going through is normal. I think in the beginning of a breakup, we go through this desperate stage where we just can't even bear the thought of letting go, and it hurts so severely bad knowing that you have to.

 

Right now you just have to give it time and try to think as much as possible that letting go is what you have to do and ultimately, what you want. Otherwise you're going to be stuck in this agonizing phase longer than you need to.