EricaH329 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) Regardless of my thoughts and feelings in this thread, I know that I will never get back into any type of relationship with my ex fiance. I just happened to notice on FB (through a friends page) that my ex has gained weight. I've never known him to be anything besides skinny (and when I say skinny, I mean skinny!). His face has chubbed out a lot. Not saying that's a bad thing by any means, but I could tell by just looking at his pictures that he is unhappy. You know how you can tell when someone is faking a smile?? Yeah... that's it. I haven't talked to him since i've told him to never contact me again, and blocked him about 2 months ago. Still... with everything that he has put me through, I hate to see him go down the drain like this. Most ex's would be thrilled to find out that their previous lovers are not doing so well. It pains me. It actually hurts me more to know that he isn't doing well, than it is to know that he is happy. It's been on my mind for a bit. A bit longer than it should be. I just need to get it out. Edited July 7, 2010 by EricaH329 Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Happens to virtually everyone who follows the SAD (Standard American Diet). Get a male friend of his to point him toward Paleo Nutrition. He'll thank you(r friend). Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 Happens to virtually everyone who follows the SAD (Standard American Diet). Get a male friend of his to point him toward Paleo Nutrition. He'll thank you(r friend). It doesn't have anything to do with his fitness, it has to do with his happiness. I noticed that when he was really happy he was in great shape. Lately, (even in the military), he has let himself go. To the point where I can barely recognize him. I can easily identify the fact that he isn't happy. I know, I know. Who cares?! He brought this on himself, right?! Well... I care. Obviously. To some degree. I love him, always will and always have. I just wish the best for him. Even though he has put me through hell and back, I want him to find happiness. Whether it's within himself, or with another person. Seeing him like that truly hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Erica, I understand your feelings because I currently share them. I was also the one to finally pull the plug but I'm reminded of past, happy occasions with her virtually every evening. It's been 2-3 months of NC and recently noticed she was in the company of another man which made me happier. Unfortunately she didn't seem too cheery, wish she had. Link to post Share on other sites
cdt76 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 I wish I could get the point where you all are. Because I still, after all this time, want nothing but bad things for my ex, like to get cancer, get fat, have her boyfriends house burn down. I work with her boyfriend and he has put on weight, which I'm supper happy about. I know I will not get back with her, nor do I want to, but because of what she put me through I want nothing but the worst for her and him. I know that sounds childish and bitter but that's life. Can I ever get where you are? No. I don't think so in this situation. Not after the hell I went through. She can get cancer and die a slow miserable death and I'd be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Regardless of my thoughts and feelings in this thread, I know that I will never get back into any type of relationship with my ex fiance. I just happened to notice on FB (through a friends page) that my ex has gained weight. I've never known him to be anything besides skinny (and when I say skinny, I mean skinny!). His face has chubbed out a lot. Not saying that's a bad thing by any means, but I could tell by just looking at his pictures that he is unhappy. You know how you can tell when someone is faking a smile?? Yeah... that's it. I haven't talked to him since i've told him to never contact me again, and blocked him about 2 months ago. Still... with everything that he has put me through, I hate to see him go down the drain like this. Most ex's would be thrilled to find out that their previous lovers are not doing so well. It pains me. It actually hurts me more to know that he isn't doing well, than it is to know that he is happy. It's been on my mind for a bit. A bit longer than it should be. I just need to get it out. I am human hear me roar! Your seemingly mindless post appears to me that you're not over him. There are many ways to open the door to your soul. This is not it. You insist, day in and day out, of me to stop obsessing and to cease my nostalgia of those who came before. You endlessly impute my mindful scorning... my incessant delusion (which, by the way, is a surreal perception of your mind)... and you fail to rationalize your own perplexity. Erica... I speak these words not out of frustration or annoyance, but as a stable companion. Do not dwell on your past. Learn from your mistakes, as we all should learn from our own, and move FORWARD. Yes, you cared once about a man who did not realize who he was with... and how he should go about it. We've ALL been there. You need to conceive a healthy outlook on your situation and discontinue engaging yourself in these situations... I don't care if you think it's love... or infatuation. You're not ready. You of all people should know that! Take your misconstrued perspective and step back. Look at yourself... who you're with. Who you WERE with. All the advice you sought. All the advice you gave! Much adulation Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Erica, he's an adult and responsible for himself, he's not really your concern anymore, sorry if that sounds harsh, nothing wrong with caring about him, but you need to stop worrying about him. I am good friends with my ex now, we meet once a week, we've both got new partners and I want the best for him, but I have no 'control', for want of a better word, in his life now, he has his own life to lead. Link to post Share on other sites
spriggig Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) It doesn't have anything to do with his fitness, it has to do with his happiness. They are completely intertwined. Working on one helps a great deal with the other. Hence, the common recommendation that depressed people exercise more and eat right. If you actually want to DO something, this is it. If you're just talking, then carry on. Edit: I suppose "Just ranting a bit..." does mean you're just ranting a bit. So, yeah... Edited July 7, 2010 by spriggig Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Most ex's would be thrilled to find out that their previous lovers are not doing so well. It pains me. It actually hurts me more to know that he isn't doing well, than it is to know that he is happy. It's irrelevant whether you're happy or upset about how he's doing; it only matters that you still care. We often think about people in past relationships to boost our egos. When we see that a former lover isn't doing well, we'll assume that they're that way because they are without us, whether it's true or not. It's fairly obvious you're inferring that you're certain it's you that's causing him to be unhappy. So of course it will make you feel like you still matter to someone. This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with whether you are over him or not. Sometimes we just want to feel wanted or even needed, and by seeing physical manifestations of someone's emotions, we can get that little pick me up and convince ourselves that we're still on someone's mind. It just so happens that you get pained by it, while others might find joy in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 I'd like to clarify. Just as with him, if I were to see an old best friend unhappy, i'd be sad. I'd be sad for them. Even though they are no longer in my life, I still care about them. Does that mean i'm going to do anything about it? Of course not. It's not my place. I am not worrying about this, however. It does not effect my daily life. It doesn't make any iota of a difference. I'm just ranting about how it made me feel to see him look the way he does. Rob -- Hun, thanks for the advice. But you are understanding this thread to be something completely different than it is. Your situation, and my situation, are completely different. I appreciate how you tried to compare the two, and point out that my pattern of thinking with you should be applied here. But they have absolutely nothing to with eachother. Thank you, though! Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Rob -- Hun, thanks for the advice. But you are understanding this thread to be something completely different than it is. Your situation, and my situation, are completely different. I appreciate how you tried to compare the two, and point out that my pattern of thinking with you should be applied here. But they have absolutely nothing to with eachother. Thank you, though! I'm just going to be an ass because I can... but you are foolish in believing your lusterless view on this situation is completely different. Like me, you too are an adolescent, regardless of age or experience with a juvenile outlook on these instances. You do not practice psychology or social perceptions by study or trade. You have not educated yourself other than personal experiences and anecdotal evidence (as I am led to believe based on your rationales) - yet you feel validated to scorn me and dispraise me in my own life. I do not claim to be a savant in behaviorism or therapy. I, like you, do not understand or rationally comprehend the complexities of human emotion or the mind. Yet, you pass judgment on EVERYONE else but the one person who requires adjudication... yourself. I don't need to be discredited by some feebleminded pseudo-cynic falsely self-accredited adept in the knowledge of the mind and human interactions. You are a child in a large game of life who needs to re-evaluate her approach to her own situations and those of others. You need to learn to CAREFULLY choose your words. Additionally, you are a child. Do not sit there, behind your computer screen and be daft with me... or ANYONE else for that matter. If this is any indication of an acumen of intelligence than I stand aghast. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 All I can say is I was first posting here a year ago this month, and you were posting about your ex then and you still are now. Chokie's post makes sense Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Hey HOH! haven't seen you in a while Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 Oh Rob I don't feel the need to comment on your post. The only thing I will say, however, is that I (contrary to your belief) have spent these past 5 months doing just what you said I wasn't doing! Taking a good hard look at myself. I've seen what you've gone through with multiple females, and if you'd like to talk psychology, i'd bring it up with your therapist. Not with me. My advice to you was just that, advice. I've never claimed to be a psychologist. That's all the time that i'm going to spend on your post All I can say is I was first posting here a year ago this month, and you were posting about your ex then and you still are now. Chokie's post makes sense My ex and I had an on and off relationship up until about 5 months ago, when it finally ended. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenerGrass Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 EricaH: Glad to see optimistic people like ourselves on this forum. This forum could use more. Very inspirational! GG Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 (edited) Oh Rob I don't feel the need to comment on your post. The only thing I will say, however, is that I (contrary to your belief) have spent these past 5 months doing just what you said I wasn't doing! Taking a good hard look at myself. I've seen what you've gone through with multiple females, and if you'd like to talk psychology, i'd bring it up with your therapist. Not with me. My advice to you was just that, advice. I've never claimed to be a psychologist. That's all the time that i'm going to spend on your post Could the lack of response be your inability to understand it? And ps - these last 5 months, you've been f*cking another grunt. A bloody brilliant cop-out, if I might say. Edited July 7, 2010 by bananaboat11 Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Personally, I'm growing tired and weary of your hypocrisy and your nonchalant advent to reality. You need to internalize and assess your value and worth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 EricaH: Glad to see optimistic people like ourselves on this forum. This forum could use more. Very inspirational! GG Thank you GG!! Could the lack of response be your inability to understand it? A bloody brilliant cop-out, if I might say. Rob, get over yourself My lack of response is clearly because of the fact that you don't make any sense, constantly contradict your words/advice/opinions. I'm not going to argue with you. It's pointless. I'm going to ask you to please not respond any longer in this thread unless it has to do with the point of this thread. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Hi Rob I came and posted an update last week, a year post break up, just wanted to give others hope...I'm happier than I've been for a long time, partly as I've met someone special and partly as I love the work I'm doing and the new friends I've made. I'm also good friends with my ex, just 6 weeks of NC back in Feb helped me move on, we meet up each week. Hope you're doing ok Hey HOH! haven't seen you in a while Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Thank you GG!! Rob, get over yourself My lack of response is clearly because of the fact that you don't make any sense, constantly contradict your words/advice/opinions. I'm not going to argue with you. It's pointless. I'm going to ask you to please not respond any longer in this thread unless it has to do with the point of this thread. Thank you! So the mature thing to do is de-facebook me. Get over yourself. You know I'm right. I want to be there when you crash and burn, baby. You know what I'll say? "Told you so!"... and I'll do a little jig/dance with it. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Eek Erica, you said you'd never get back with him, that it would never work, but you still went back Hope you're NC now hun? Link to post Share on other sites
bananaboat11 Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Hi Rob I came and posted an update last week, a year post break up, just wanted to give others hope...I'm happier than I've been for a long time, partly as I've met someone special and partly as I love the work I'm doing and the new friends I've made. I'm also good friends with my ex, just 6 weeks of NC back in Feb helped me move on, we meet up each week. Hope you're doing ok I'm actually doing a lot better. Thanks. I'm glad to hear you're doing well! I learned a lot from that girl who burned me... showed me that a recent girl I was seeing was not mentally healthy... and I had to step away. I'm taking some time for myself now... getting my work done, etc... heh About to finish up one study and start another... hopefully that much closer to my PhD. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 So the mature thing to do is de-facebook me. Get over yourself. You know I'm right. I want to be there when you crash and burn, baby. You know what I'll say? "Told you so!"... and I'll do a little jig/dance with it. Have fun with that. I see you crashing and burning far before I ever step foot in that arena. But again, this is off topic and i'd like to keep it on topic. So if you have nothing useful to say, i'm going to nicely ask again to bow out. Much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Author EricaH329 Posted July 7, 2010 Author Share Posted July 7, 2010 Eek Erica, you said you'd never get back with him, that it would never work, but you still went back Hope you're NC now hun? You're right. I did make many mistakes in that relationship. I should have left it alone to begin with. But now, I can honestly (and safely) say that i've moved passed that relationship Never been happier Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted July 7, 2010 Share Posted July 7, 2010 Thanks Rob Really great to hear you're doing a lot better! All the best with your studying I'm actually doing a lot better. Thanks. I'm glad to hear you're doing well! I learned a lot from that girl who burned me... showed me that a recent girl I was seeing was not mentally healthy... and I had to step away. I'm taking some time for myself now... getting my work done, etc... heh About to finish up one study and start another... hopefully that much closer to my PhD. Link to post Share on other sites
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