DudeMan27 Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 That makes the breakup that much more difficult, if thats even possible. Im 27 years old, only child, with a small family and I live alone in a small town. I know alot of people and have alot of friends, altho just a small group, (less than 10) that I hang out with and talk to regularly. My ex lived an hour away from me in a major city, so right off the bat I was introduced to a big city lifestyle and tons of new experiences. She lived in a wonderful neighborhood with 3 roomates and had a huge family. She also had an unbelievable amount of friends and was really popular. All the time we were going out to this big fancy restuarants and she was taking me around sightseeing and all these places my hometown does not have. Each week I was meeting SO many new friends (her friends) and having a wonderful time. I never really traveled much. She has been all over the word and just picks up for a weekend vacation on a wim. At the drop of a hat she would say "lets go ___ for the weekend" and we'd order plane tickets and just go. In the year we dated, I've been to places I've never even dreamed I'd go or have the desire to go until I met her. She had so many friends there was ALWAYS something going on. They would have theme dinner nights all the time and invite a ton of people over and I'd meet even more new friends. My friends rarely if ever do that. And even if they do, this town is small and theres nothing really exciting to do or go too. My family is small and doesnt do much for holidays. Her family is large and has all these holiday traditions. They had a beach house and a lake cabin. There was never not anything going on, or someone to hang out with, or some trip to take. Now, its been 10months later She has again traveled the world and is never lonely. She knows so many young and fun people she has no reason to ever miss me. I just come home every night and sit alone, bored. Meanwhile she's at some fancy dinner, or event, laughing and meeting even more new people. My friends only like to hang our and watch tv and drink on the weekends. With her I got away form all that. I was NEVER bored. My life was so exciting just because she always had something going on. Now I am just bored to tears and so lonely. Im not sure if any of this is even making sense so I'm going to wrap it up. I am just so sick of my unexciting life. Everytime Im sitting at home with nothing to do (which is pretty much every night) I keep thinking that if we were still together I'd be up in the big city, with a ton of people, or traveling and experiencing new things. Dating her just opened my eyes to a whole new world that i never experienced, and I just wish so bad I could still experience that with her. I struggle to even be in that city because everything there reminds me of her or I think of a place that we spent a romantic day or something. I just want an exciting life back. I want to be apart of that big family, with all that love and all that fun. But I'm stuck with my friends (who I love) but who are settling down, and not doing much but working or going out to the same places all the time and never leaving this town. I just want that fun back, I want her back. I think she may be happy and dating someone, I've kissed ONE girl in 10 months, and even that was a drunken make out. She probably has every guy at her new job going crazy over the new beautiful girl. She probably gets so much attention, and is always invited to some dinner, or some party to keep her busy. I dont have that. I just sit on the couch night after night with no life. I dont know what to do anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
canadaman111 Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 I am experiencing a lot of the same feelings you are right now. I want my ex back more then anything. One thing I have learned on these forums is that the only chance you have of getting back together with the person that dumped you is for him/her to start to miss you. No amount of pressure you apply will help and will likely just make it worse. I am trying to give my wife space right now and hope she starts to miss me and other things about the life she left behind. The worse part is that it is a slow process that you never really know is working until it has happened. Most people on here will tell you no not pursue your ex. I say go after what you want. If you want her back go for it. Remember the only way to achieve that is to give her space. One thing to remember is that while giving that space you very well could decide you don't want her back anyways. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Always A Lesson Posted January 5, 2010 Share Posted January 5, 2010 Wow!!!!!! My heart goes out to you. I'm feeling that you have two big issues happening all at once. The breakup alone is heart wrenching and the hardest thing one will ever experience next to a death (at least with a death , you know the loved one is gone for good) with a breakup , you're not sure if you meant anything to them and if they will ever return, until then you're in a constant state of anguish...morning , noon , and nite, endless ANGUISH. First of all...You're missing the excitement the X , her family and town and lifestyle provided. Secondly, the loss of a loved one. I've never experienced the good times and travel, I'm in the same rut as you. Small city not many friends and non-traditional boring family. At least you had experineced the good life. If you trully want more excitimetn that is something you can work towards. You're not even 30 yet, you can start traveling more and creating your own fun, this will have to come from you. We have to create our own peace. It's hard, she seemed to have everything and all the fun. If you gain any peace of mind, GUY ONLY U will change it, little by little. There is no other answer. As for the loss of the X, do NC, something about U kept her interested for 1 year. Not sure why the R ended. She seems kind of self-centered, wonder if she's worth anguishing over, maybe UR in love with her exciting life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DudeMan27 Posted January 8, 2010 Author Share Posted January 8, 2010 Thank you very much for the replies/advice. No this girl was not self-centered. She was very very caring. I cant think of a single time during our R that she ever got mad at me, and thats even with things that would make any girl mad. My last 2 relationships ended in terrible sadness. 1 left me for a guy down the street, and the other was engaged to her ex bf 2 weeks after we broke up. So I know I was harboring bad relationship feelings and for a bit I took it out on her. I later realized what I had been doing, and how she's not the other girls and thats when we started getting going. I know one of my issues is my self-confidence. In my cirlce of friends I am extremely outgoing and I've heard many people say people have told them Im the funniest person they know. And on top of that, (this isnt just my opinion but many others) I date some of the most attractive women they know. But for some reason when Im with a girl I like, I clam up. I never fully accept that a girl likes me, no matter what and constantly question it. I think that takes a huge toll on the relationship. My ex was so outgoing, she was homecommign queen in HS, had 1,000 friends and could have hour long conversations with strangers. I struggled to even strike up convo's with her roomates when alone iwth them. Her parents were THE nicest people on the planet. For some reason I was worried they didnt like me. It was horrible. Now I look back and think of all the things they did for me. They loved me. But aside from that (its late and it hurts writing some of this and rehashing it) but I honestly, truely feel like I missed my HUGE opportunity at an A: Beautiful caring wife, who I never had to worry about cheating. B: A lifetime of new friends and excitement. Ive been upset over breakups before, but never had the feeling like a completely screwed up my life. For ex: I texted her on new years eve, just to say happy new year to her and her family. She was waiting at the airport to head to Mexico to meet a friend she met in college. That could have been me. Instead I was sitting on my friends couch missing her. She constantly told me to get my passport, and I just put it off and put it off. Only NOW do I look back and realize I had this wonderful beautiful girl who wanted to travel the world with me. Im going to wrap this up because I thinhk I'm just venting. But I think I do want to thank her for something. I don't think I'd have this new mentality without ever meeting her. I used to be happy just hanging around my same 5-10 friends, and happy just hanging out at each others house every weekend, never wanting to go anywhere etc. Now I realize how much of my life I've missed. I've never even been in another time zone. I actually want to move and experience living in a big city, I want to just pack up and hop a plane somewhere for a weekend. I used to be so uptight, plans had to be just right. She would just "fly by the seat of her pants." Now I kind of have that thought process. I guess I can thank her for that. But I look back and think, wow I could be doing all this with her if i woudl have just wised up. I know Im only 27 and it sounds ridciulous to say this but its hard to imagine a better situation and better life that I stumbled into. I just couldnt realize what I had and couldn't get past my insecurities to enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 It seems obvious that you want a more exciting life than the one you currently have. So go get it! You enjoyed stepping into her fun and interesting world, so why not create one for yourself? It sounds like you think your only option, if you're not with her, is to sit on the couch in your small town. Of course that's not true! Get out there and create the life you want! Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Get your ass in gear, man! Move to a different city, book a therapist there as soon as you arrive - to help you with the culture shock and lack of self-esteem, get yourself a social job (I volunteered to work at Time Out magazine - offer your services for free and most people will take you up on that plus, if you do a good job, they'll probably hire you - I got so many invites to glamorous parties, I got bored by them!) and join a social networking group online to help you make your babysteps out of zombieland (meetup.com is a great place to start). Or continue to choose this misery. You are the only person who can make you happy (others are for sharing your happiness with.) x Link to post Share on other sites
Metal_Muffin Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Feel free to tell im if way off the mark but is it her you miss or the life she had? It seems you miss more about what sort of life you had because of her but not really her as a person. You can be whatever you want and you can go and see whatever you wish you just need to grab the bull by the horns and go for it...the only person truley holding you back ever is you! Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 i can def relate. my ex wasnt much of a traveler but did live in a cool city and i enjoyed hanging out with her and her friends. however i always had much more of a social scene. anyway i moved back to my little town, am bored as ****, with job friends and same towny bars. so anyway...its all about change. you cant have her be the change you loved so much. your young im young (25). i already told my boss im leaving. leaving a business i could own one day. but im gone. i need this now for me. im applying to teach english in prague. im loooking at grad schools in florida and considering just packing up and going to San Francisco. either way ive set a date so when that date comes i will force myself to do something instead of be stuck in this groundhog day world. dont do anything rash, but think through what makes you happy (besides her) and work towards that and everything will fall into place (hopefully) Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 F*cking marvellous signature, McG. Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 thats lovely daze's werds. i enjoi it Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted January 8, 2010 Share Posted January 8, 2010 Nice one McGrupp! i can def relate. my ex wasnt much of a traveler but did live in a cool city and i enjoyed hanging out with her and her friends. however i always had much more of a social scene. anyway i moved back to my little town, am bored as ****, with job friends and same towny bars. so anyway...its all about change. you cant have her be the change you loved so much. your young im young (25). i already told my boss im leaving. leaving a business i could own one day. but im gone. i need this now for me. im applying to teach english in prague. im loooking at grad schools in florida and considering just packing up and going to San Francisco. either way ive set a date so when that date comes i will force myself to do something instead of be stuck in this groundhog day world. dont do anything rash, but think through what makes you happy (besides her) and work towards that and everything will fall into place (hopefully) Link to post Share on other sites
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