Knowingmeknowingyou Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 This question has been playing on my mind...if I had not done or said certain things would we still be together? the hurt from my breakup seems to be settling in, and I keep going over the event that caused the actual break...he was being secretive with his phone and lashed out verbally at me when I questioned him, basically he sent me home... said he didnt want a scene, even though I tried to say lets just forget I asked, and apologising, trying to make things right again. He was having none of it though. I later spotted his profile on a dating site, he had put this up within 8 days of us splitting up, even though he never 'technically' said it was over, just gave me the silent treatment. I do feel my gut was right to be suspicious of him, there were other things too, but he was so passive aggressive, using tactics like being vague, deflecting the blame and gaslighting me, so i have never been able to prove anything, living far apart has played its part in that too. Despite all this, or maybe even because of all this, I find myself doubting myself, and wishing that i had not questioned him that day. On here I have read posts from people who seemed to have relationships with no real signs of trouble , then WHAM, they get dumped out of nowhere and never saw it coming. Then there are cases like mine where you know a certain set of behaviours caused things to come to a head...provoking the other person to finish things. Its hard to live with the thought that I may have caused this breakup to happen, even though I know logically that he wasnt being straight with me. What do others think? What do people find worse to deal with? when you are just given a reason like...'we've grown apart' or when a certain 'event' caused it? Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpio13c Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Hey Knowingmeknowingyou, I hear you & completely understand. I've pondered similarily. The best I can offer is that it's common to have these thoughts for awhile after the breakup. You'll realize after some time, that the breakup was probably inevitable anyway. Do not blame yourself for being a catalist, as it seems to me he would have left you regardless. In time, I assure you will feel & be better off without him. You will find someone who loves you more than he did! All my best wishes! Scorp Link to post Share on other sites
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