suicide

[NINEBREAKER]

thoughts? opinions?

 

i have had several of my overly emotional freinds talk of suicide after their boyfreinds or giirlfreinds left them or they caught them cheating. now I usually tell them it could be worse and theres plenty of fish in the sea and all that but i will be here until they can handle themselves. well recently a freind of mine and whos much better at solveing these kind of problems with people had a freind come to her house talking about killing himself over the loss of a girlfreind and how his relationships have been bad.

 

they talked for an hour the whole time he cried. eventually he wound up crying on her shoulder calling her a good freind. he then went to the bathroom. after 10 minutes she went next to the door to knock on it to see if he was ok. she then heard the sound of the slide of a handgun being pulled back and the cocking of the hammer

 

she then opened the door to find the guy had the gun in his mouth. at that point he looked over at her with a surprised look and the gun went off. when he turned his head the gun turned with it. still in his mouth the gun went off but since the gun and his face turned in her direction. the bullet went out the side of his mouth and into the joint were his jaw was conected to the rest of his head.

 

she called the ambulance and he is now in the hospital.

 

so how do people deal with freinds and peers who say they feel like dieing over a loved one such as a girlfreind or wife

[UCLAMike]

long ago, before we had medicine and all kinds of therapy and support, ppl died of a heart break. as in literally they died due to intense pressure and heart ache.

 

losing a loved one is a real real loss and a real pain. some make it through, some don't. we have to be strong enough. i had thoughts of suicide myself and it's a lot better now, but even after 8 months of this, i still don't feel 100% out of it, like im still in a cloudy room. we have to just really sit tight and constantly change for the better.

[Melrapuo]

First off, wow. I'm extremely sorry that you're having to go through this. I had a friend a week or so ago try to committ suicide (not over a failed relationship) and that alone can put you in enough shock to almost be unable to function. Best wishes to your friend and a speedy recovery.

 

As for how to handle the situation - there's only one thing yo ucan do, and its just listen. Reassuring the person that things will be ok is definitely something that you wanna do, because the amount of shock they are in can be unbearable. When my first ex left me for someone else, I was so devastated that I too felt like killing myself. Eventually, after being helped by family and friends, I realized that I was worth much more than I had been telling myself.

 

Suggesting that your friend also gets help from outside sources (i.e. therapists, counslers, etc) is another option to take.

 

The only problem is that the person must be willing themselves to do so. Suicide can be both a detrimental experience for those on the outside and the ones attempting it themselves. As many have stated before, its a "permanent solution for a temporary problem."

 

One good thing is that he was trying to reach out. When people do that, it tends to be because they don't want to committ suicide, but they need reassurances from others that there really are other ways. Because, and I can admit this myself, when people go through completely rough break-ups, rediscovering a will to live is a long and hard path. But it is definitely possible. Unfortunately he did have a moment of absolute weakness where he felt like killing himself. Some call it selfishness, but when you become that suicidal you can't really figure out any other ways of solving your problems.

 

All you can do is be supportive and close to the person. They are looking for any help, and all anyone can do is there best at being there for a friend in need.

[acd303]

I remember, I have thoughts of killing myself after the break up, first two weeks. Called my ex drunk, said that i'll kill myself bla bla bla... first weeks are the worst, u somehow have to calm down or calm down the person who is threatening to kill him/herself. But it is rather tough.

 

I don't think that ANY, and i mean ANY person is worth taking your life. It gets better after some time. No you will not feel happy, because the person you are in love does not give a **** about you, but you must try to regain self respect. I is now FIRST. About the fish in the sea, i don't know... this advice is not for everyone. If you truly loved your partner, believed that she's the one, she's smart, beautiful etc. It's hard, you start to meet new women, start dating, and realize that they are nothing compared with her, you still love her, you still want to be with her, but you cannot:). So i guess it's just time, if you have feelings for someone, it is not likely you will connect with someone . Still it happens sometimes...

 

Suicide is easy. You can solve your problems in other ways too..

[TaraMaiden]

suicide is a drastic and final solution to a temporary problem.

 

Really, it's very hard to know how to react to someone who says they are going to kill themselves. I think the majority of the time they want a good listener and a shoulder to cry on.

It is much rarer that people carry it through.

I also think suicide is a very selfish choice, in that you leave somebody else to suffer your loss. They have to clear up the mess, and deal with the after-shock.

This friend of your friend was going to do a terrible thing by commiting suicide in her bathroom!

I know he was suffering a great deal (and obviously not thinking beyond himself!) but how wicked that would have been! As it was, she had to call an ambulance, and probably still clear up some mess...

Suicide is a dreadful waste of a life.....

[EmperorR]

i wont lie after y ex fiance cheated and left me the thought ran across my mind but im stronger than that

[Peter_pan]

and now he has to live with a bad jaw etc, which will be a constant physical reminder.

 

it crossed my mind also. but yes it is selfish. think of your family and people who truly love you

[CailinPig]

maybe after thy open up to you, give them PROOF that it'll be ok. i had people telling me it'd be ok after my ex broke up with me. my pain lasted 11 months, thats a long time. i genuinely thought ppl were lying to me about it getting better.

 

show them stories on the net of celebrities and the amount of relationships and break ups they have and they always find someone they love even more afterwards. use family and friends as examples too.

[Meaplus3]

 

so how do people deal with freinds and peers who say they feel like dieing over a loved one such as a girlfreind or wife

 

An attempt at suicide is a cry for help, so first and foremost I would make sure to get the person the help they need. Most often it's someone who will listen to them and can make them aware that suicide is NOT the answer. The devestation it leaves behind to loved ones is simply the most tragic thing that one can do. I've seen this happen first hand to a very nice family when their 22 year old son commited suicide.. they will never be the same and it's truly very, very sad.

 

Mea:)

[Surfer Dude]

WTF?

 

I call bullsh*t. Why the hell would anyone want to kill themselves over a guy/girl? There are billions of people in the world, no one is irreplaceable, you can always get someone new, if having a partner is your primary source of self esteem.

 

IMO, if someone is stupid enough to kill themselves over a chick, they should do it.

 

Some people take themselves and relationships too seriously. I mean... killing yourself because someone doesn't wanna be with you? Stupid...

[NINEBREAKER]

WTF?

 

I call bullsh*t. Why the hell would anyone want to kill themselves over a guy/girl? There are billions of people in the world, no one is irreplaceable, you can always get someone new, if having a partner is your primary source of self esteem.

 

IMO, if someone is stupid enough to kill themselves over a chick, they should do it.

 

Some people take themselves and relationships too seriously. I mean... killing yourself because someone doesn't wanna be with you? Stupid...

like i always say plenty of fish in the sea. but i know people are dumb enough to go the extremes to kill themselves.

 

its not bull**** by anymeans that people do such things.

[CailinPig]

NINEBREAKER and SURFERDUDE:

It might sound ridiculous until you're in the situation yourself. Honestly, I would've thought the same way as you guys until I found myself dumped by a guy I was with 3 years. We'd broken up several times before and I was absolutely fine.

But then he got with another girl and this time was very different, and suddenly I found myself feeling nauseous all day long everyday, I couldn't eat, I dropped weight, I couldn't remove him from my head, I made myself think he was the one, I made myself think I wasn't good enough for anyone else and no one else would want me. I went on nights out with my friends hoping a guy would approach me, and if they ever did, i just thought 'well he doesnt know me, he just wants me for the night...' blablabla. it was just a neverending cycle.

It's bizarre, because I'm normally a laidback, confident person but it hit me like a tonne of bricks and I can't explain it, genuinely can't. I felt like living without him was so painful.

Honestly, it sounds bonkers, but it just happens to people sometimes. I obviously didn't do anything about it. I'm just saying you have to be a bit more sympathetic to these people; most of them aren't crazy, it's just sometimes these feelings take over. It's strange to look back on, but it happens to the best of it. The saying 'there's plenty more fish...' does not help!!

[badbrit]

Strangely I understand this thread. Life can sometimes be hard and even if to some it is just about "some guy/girl....plenty more out there" to those in pain, it is hard.

 

In brief, I dated my ex for five years. Loved her to death but her fire went out and she fell out of love with me. My fault possibly as when she was pregnant i did not treat her bad but was not happy about it and so did not spoil her or make her happy about it and it killed her love. That was 2005 and once i realised my mistake when our son was born it was too late. I tried and tried and have never stopped trying.

 

Alot has happened and it is not really relevant to this discussion. We split 13 months ago. She has moved on (does not have a partner but goes out drinking and random hook ups and occasional "friends") as I have, i have a new girlfriend and thought I was over it. I live with a wonderful girl but remain in love with my ex. We see each other a couple times a week for our boy. We get on fine, i have my boy couple times a week as well as two elder children from previous marriage. I own my home/she rents. I live well and have my business/she is on benefits. My home is stunning and i look after it/her home is a filthy mess. I have quality lifestyle/her life seems empty and superficial. etc etc BUT I still love her. I could make her life itself so much better, for her and our son. we have everything except her love so everything else means nothing.

 

Yesterday we had to travel 300 miles together for a hospital appointment for our son. Spent 15 hours together and it was like we were still a couple - how well we got on, how well we know each other, being a family with our son, I know we get on in a way that it is hard to, i know that she has issues and is unlikely to find anyone to put up with her crap and she prob knows that too (she is hard work, has issues, very hard to live with and if I explained you would understand - so why do i love her so??!!) Yesterday was like we were still a couple but without intimacy, touching, hugging etc, like being real solid friends. Or i would say it was how it was between us in our final two years. Both of us getting along and happy enough and comfortable with each other but me wanting to hold her and her not feeling anything romantic towards me.

 

yesterday i saw what I want and how much I enjoy her company. Saw her good side, the good and great girl she can be, saw my whole life with her encapsulated - a great girl, great potential family, a beautiful son, us getting on fantastic but no interest of love from her to me.

 

I think it is time I ended things with my present partner as my feelings are not fair on her. Where does that leave me? Still hurting as much today as I did 13 months ago. Still in love with my ex as much as I ever was. Still dreaming the impossible dream as I was 13 months ago. Still hoping a miracle will happen as I did 13 months ago. Still thinking that "hey, maybe she will realise etc" as I did 13 months ago.

 

I have not moved on one single inch. I do not believe I will ever stop feeling this way. I love my kids so much, all of them. I wish i could run away and not have to face this anymore. I am tired of living behind a mask of lies. I just want her and my family whole and happy but that is impossible and I have tried so very hard - new friends, new hobbies, working well, training hard and looking best I ever looked physically (I weight train like mad and am looking awesome), a new home, a new partner, tried not talking to her and just taking our son in brief exchanges but nothing works.

 

Have I ever thought of ending it? Yes.

 

Why? Because the pain in my heart and the torment in my head does not seem to end and it is a long life to feel this way.

[JooLee]

badbrit.. google the term drama junkie and chronic disatisfaction

[brokenglass]

I have to admit, I am teetering on the edge of actually doing it. There are days where I feel really good, and then there are days where I feel like complete crap. The days I feel like complete crap I am VERY close to doing something harmful to myself, and even the days I feel good, it doesn't last very long.

 

Its especially worse when I have to go back home to our townhouse that I can't move out of until June (pending I get enough money to move).

 

I don't want to die, but I don't know how else to describe it. I want this pain to go away. And it won't. People keep saying it does with time, and it does sometimes, but on days like today its amplified so much that I can't take it. I am alone, I have no family here, all of my friends are married...I just really, really want to end this.

 

I don't know what to do sometimes...

 

And badbrit, your situation is exactly what I fear the most right now. A year from now, being healthier and successful, trying my hardest to move on, and just not being able to whatsoever. I feel for you man...I'll never, ever be in such a great situation like you are and the thought of that hurts. I know my ex has moved on as well and has already started sleeping with new people. I have not nearly been as lucky unfortunately. Its hard living where I do...she grew up here and knows everyone. Likewise, all the people I knew now have chosen sides.

 

I am getting so tired of living this life. I love my son and want my family back...I am so tired of life...

[badbrit]

brokenglass. I have just sped read your story and there are a lot of similarities between what has happened to us. Although no two stories are the same I do feel for you as I feel everything you do and I hate that it has not changed in the last 13 months.

 

My ex and I split up for three months in 2006, not sure if I mentioned it. She told me she was not happy, had had enough, did not believe I could improve, did not think her feelings for me would come back etc. Well I did change and have not backslid in the three years since then. We reconcilled after three months and were together another 18 months. I showed her my changes and I guess she thought that may make it work. However it didnt because previous issues (nothing major, just inconsideration, arguing, insecurity, not showing how important she was etc) had killed the love and very quickly it was clear I was hanging on to her by my fingertips. Trying to be the best I could be, a great dad, considerate partner, kind, generous, understanding while the whole time now she was "unsure" and not committed, not happy, no sex drive (well not for me) etc etc - But all of this is just dressing. It is quite basic at heart - she lost her love for me, her romantic partner love, her attraction, her spark, her desire, her hopes, whatever you want to call it.

 

It happens sometimes. I did learn from my mistakes and had I learnt this earlier when she was wanting me to change then it would have turned out alright but I learnt, understood and changed after the horse had bolted and her heart had turned to ice towards me.

 

I will tell you that after splitting permanently last March, she would not have dinner with me and our son, drive me to airports, talk to me, chat with me, be near me etc Hell I even went into hospital for an operation and she said and did nothing. She acted out how she felt. She felt nothing for me and so wanted nothing from me and now, only cos time has moved on and I appear to be over it all from the outside is she friendly, chit chatty etc and it possible we can travel as we did yesterday together.

 

I see in your situation some glimmers, it reminds me of when i split with my ex for the three months that ended in reconcilliation more than this current forever split. Keep doing what you are and see how it unfolds. I wish you luck.

 

I on the other hand am stuck with this life. It is all good in so many ways but without her, for whatever screwed up reason, it is empty. I am an empty vessel travelling around looking normal from the outside but inside I am already partly dead.

[badbrit]

badbrit.. google the term drama junkie and chronic disatisfaction

 

 

I am not too sure of the reason for that message. You believe I strive drama? No, although it may seem that way to others. No, I love my ex, I feel comfortable when with her, I enjoy her company, I enjoy the same things as her and I love my son. Life with her is some sort of drama led life but I never wanted that. I just wanted the smooth line, the happy, fun and loving home.

 

As for chronic disatisfaction. That is not me either. I just cannot seem to find the switch in my heart to be able to turn it off. I love her and do not even know why sometimes. She lives a nightmare - so untidy around the home (sounds daft mentioning it but you have to see how bad it is to understand - it is horrendous), lazy, disorganised, uncompromising, low sexual principles, loose morals, self centred, emotionally manipulative, attention seeker, disloyal, ungrateful, ungiving, has never given as much as she willingly takes and so the list goes on. But why do I love her so much? Due to issues and problems of my own I am sure. I am in councilling and some things are being unravelled inside me but understanding the failings of my childhood and why I am attracted to her does not stop me BEING attracted to her.

 

I could understand everything 100%, inside and out, but nothing changes my feelings.

 

As I said in my previous post, I walk the earth as an empty vessel, there is not much inside me anymore. I live behind a mask, being what others think I should be, having what I know I should have (a great partner which I do have) and trying to pretend that it what I want and hoping one day it will become what I want. I live a lie, I have emotions sure, mainly ones of loss and sadness and the only thing I do have that I truly unconditionally love and enjoy is my children which makes me feel guilty for my other bad feelings.

 

In many ways, something inside me died and in some screwed up way it feels like being with her again would heal everything inside, without that, I will never heal but walk the planet living a half life.

 

Wow, that sounds bad, weird, screwed up but it all came from deep deep inside.

[CailinPig]

Brokenglass - is this how you would describe how you feel? - I don't wanna die but living is so painful...

That's what i wrote in my diary a year ago when my ex and i broke up. It's crazy how the human mind works, eh? one minute, you're fine and the things that annoy you are - traffic jams, ads on the tv, when someone leaves the toilet seat up/down... and then the next minute, you're thinking things like - why did he/she leave me? whats the point in living, i've no happiness anymore, nothings the same and never will be...

it gets better again. please please believe me, please do. because i was you. and my friends said it'd get better again, and for a long time, i didnt believe them. it only really happened about 11 months after the break up.

but theres so much goodness in this world. there are so many good people, there are so many good friends, caring family members, nice strangers in the street... you can't let all that go.

[Groovy]

I have a brother who is manic depressive and has tried to kill himself in my lifetime more than once. I have been with the police trying to talk him out of it on the other side of the door more than once. My brother is adopted and I think he just shares different genetics and is predisposed to mental illness.

 

With some bad stuff I've gone through it's still the last thing I want. Too many simple pleasures like the smell of flowers, sunshine, the ocean, etc for me to enjoy! Only if I had to suffer physically from a disease that was very painful for years on end delaying death can I see why anyone would take their own life.

 

Suicide is also much more common with teenagers where emotions get the best of them and they fail to realize how many opportunities there are in life. I know 2 people who committed suicide but no one close to my heart. I've seen mental illness and addicitions cause it more than actual life events.

 

Hopefully your friend will realize that it's a second chance. I urge him to go to therapy because obviously emotionally he needs help with depression. I also feel sorry for the significant other who feels manipulated into staying with someone so they don't kill themselves.

 

People need to be responsible for their own happiness. Some people crumble under small problems while other live in the grace of God with things I can't imagine. I admire those kinds of people and I try to surround myself with them because then I feel inspired. If you have friends full of drama you may want to reconsider who to spend time with. Martyrs are no good and their contagious!

[Groovy]

All I can say to badbrit and brokenglass is hang in there. Your not alone in losing the one you loved. I know my last break up I drank all the time to cope. People get divorced after 20 plus years, lose children due violence and suffer tragedies but bounce back. So can you! We all get hit with ups and downs. Some see me and think I've been through a lot and other people would love to walk in my shoes. Your day will come where you look back and it doesn't hurt.

 

You must love yourself before others love you. Part of being happy is accepting things you can't change. Some of it is being grateful for what you have because no one has everything. Make a list of all the good things in your life, even if it's small or seems basic (like food, a roof over your head). Sorry to be so deep here but just because you do not have someone does not mean life is not good.

[badbrit]

Thanks Groovy.

 

I am not on the verge of topping myself, I am just saying I understand that feeling. I have done the lists though and do have someone who loves me greatly in a new partner.

 

The new partner is twice as good a person than the ex - a nice girl, works hard, loves my kids, has morals, has never/would never sleep around easily, has high standards, maintains a nice home, is loving, open, compromises, understanding, settled, no mental issues, comes from a good family and so on and on and on. She is everything the ex isn't, the total opposite. The ex has a million bad issues and habits and the current girlfriend has none.

 

I have a successful business, three great kids (one with this ex that haunts me), friends, health, money, a partner, lifestyle, holidays, an improving future, settled homelife etc and am grateful for it all. However, my heart feels broken and damaged. It does love her and what could have been.

 

I look at her and my son and how her life is and know that the only reason we are not a family is because she lost that spark, the love and desire for me and without it nothing works. Hard though, we did have massive love once. The only thing that makes a relationship impossible between two people that cannot be overcome is lost love, everything else can be overcome. It is hard because we have nothing else to overcome, it is our only problem. We fit together well, gel, get along, know each other, make each other laugh, talk easily etc but no love from her.

 

I accept it or at least I understand it but it does not make it easier. I know it all, what to think about, what to appreciate but still my heart hurts.

 

Her life without me is better in the sense she is mentally free from feeling trapped with someone she no longer loves. But her life itself and my sons is not as good without me as it would be and was with me. Every problem we had/she had would not have been there if she loved me. As the song goes, "All you need is love" and well, she doesnt have that. The day we spent together, for me, showed what could have been, how easy we are in each others company, how our son excels in it, how much being a family is easier than two seperate homes, how I help her out, how much we bounce jokes off each others, share being parents (oh, our son has special needs/learning difficulties/has a rare syndrome) know each other well and basically, how easy and comfortable it is being together. Only that damm love missing.

 

I understand and accept it, I just find it hard to live with.

[Groovy]

All I can say is we can't always get what we want but sometimes we get what we need:)

[emptyme]

I know these feeling all too well..8 months and there are days where i dont want to get out of bed in the AM to face the day...I have had these thoughts many times but reality is I WOULD NEVER. I COULD NEVER. But the main reason why i could never take my own life is i have a child who is amazing. I would never leave her, i would do anything for her and that would be SO selifsh of me. If i didnt have her, who knows...She is my only purpose right now and the only reason why i manage to muster up strengh and be positive when i see myself slipping into that dark place. Im sure some of you guys can relate to that "dark scary" place..Its like i am fine and then boom! I get into a twisted mind set and become totally irrational with ridiculous thoughts. I often pray to God to please keep me sain and stable. To Please help me to help myself. that is the key.

We all know what we can to to help ourselves but for some reason continue to rot in the a hell mind set. I have to shake myself sometimes and say "ok, snap out of it - pull it together". or as my sister would say "BUCK UP"!! Meaning, Man up, be strong, stand up straight..easier said than done.

I hope time is on my side. I wish i can fastforward and see a glimpse of the future 7 years from now OR rewind time and go back..Even going back to 1 year ago would maybe change where i am now:o