...I am just SO angry!

[pickingupthepieces]

I don't know why I am SO angry.. but I am .... terribly. He didn't do anything wrong, yet I feel.. hurt(maybe) for some reason. He had called me last on Wendsday and I missed his call... so I didn't call him until Friday, and there was no answer. He called me later .. drunk.. we talked and he got mad.... not angry but was upset that I didn't call him. He was going on about how it had been 3 days... So we talked until he just about passed out on the phone. He called that morning after I got off work.... we talked for 2 hours.. about what I don't even know! So thats ok...they didn't end up needing me at my second job.. so I called him to see if he wanted to do anything. No answer.. so then I get mad.. not at him, just mad. I don't know why.... I called later to update him on an issue he was having but again there was no answer. He called later drunk.. again..... he was out with his family and didn't have his phone, but when he came home he checked to see if I had called. He saw a number he didn't recognize (my work number) and thought he would call and see if it was me. Anyways he starts telling me about his night.. and I am just getting madder and madder.. I HATE his family.. and having him talk about them just made me break. He passed out on the phone. So I haven't talked to him since. I called and left a message at his work (becauseI didn't want to talk to him while I was like this) seeing if he wanted to maybe get together sometime this week.

 

Before this weekend I thought he still loved me and everything, nowI don't know. I mean he called.... not just when he was drunk , but is it wrong for me to feel like I am just something to pass the time? I guess what should I really expect to be right? I mean we've went out.. lunch, breakfast... I just don't know. I figured I would see if/when he responds to my message and take it from there. I just can't shake this feeling. I need to back off... I just can't help but answer when he calls and then after I talk to him I end up missing him.. and then I CALL him. I feel SO stupid for leaving a message for him... should I? HELP please!!

[LikeCharlotte]

I don't know why I am SO angry.. but I am .... terribly. He didn't do anything wrong, yet I feel.. hurt(maybe) for some reason.

I think it is because you went from working on friends to wanting him back again. Sit down and think it through.He has dissapointed you before. I would remain calm and start letting him make the decisions. Watch carefully and from a little distance if you can manage that. The whole picture will become clear.

 

I mean he called.... not just when he was drunk , but is it wrong for me to feel like I am just something to pass the time? I guess what should I really expect to be right? I mean we've went out.. lunch, breakfast... I just don't know. I figured I would see if/when he responds to my message and take it from there. I just can't shake this feeling. I need to back off... I just can't help but answer when he calls and then after I talk to him I end up missing him.. and then I CALL him. I feel SO stupid for leaving a message for him... should I? HELP please!!

You should back off for your own sake. You've lost the perspective you had not long ago. What do you want from him? Be honest with yourself. Is his something that is reasonable? Do you know how he feels?(don't ask him, let him tell you) Are you looking for another chance or are you committed to the friendship? It's ok to be angry and don't be hard on yourself for the call. Just let him show you his intentions and gauge your own feelings. You are in the thick of it right now so a little space might make it easier. Remember go slowly, don't get ahead of yourself... no matter how this plays out you will be fine.

[pickingupthepieces]

Thanks LC I can always say I look forward to your posts.. they help me see through the fog. You are right I did want friendship.. but now I am confused. I have GOT to resist temptation and take it slow... I am jumping WAY ahead of myself.... WAY ahead. The thing is I have NO idea how he feels.. except for the I love yous and confessions of that he doesn't know what to do and he wants to marry me. Which came out when he was drunk one night. I don't know if I should believe him when he is like that because everyone says it doesn't count if he's drinking. The thing is I think thats the only time he can open up... its hard for him to express how he feels. How do I tell what he wants? I don't want to have to guess and then get it all wrong. We were talking about him dating (I'm sure I brought it up) because I said I was never to sure if I should call and he said he wasn't dating anyone and couldn't I tell that from what he told me after we first starting hanging out again? He said I should just call... so I did.. I'm just going to try and forget it though... I'm sure he'll call and I'll just observe .. maybe build up that wall alittle bit and try and not be so available! I just hope I can do it

[borelandkaren]

Thanks LC I can always say I look forward to your posts.. they help me see through the fog. You are right I did want friendship.. but now I am confused. I have GOT to resist temptation and take it slow... I am jumping WAY ahead of myself.... WAY ahead. The thing is I have NO idea how he feels.. except for the I love yous and confessions of that he doesn't know what to do and he wants to marry me. Which came out when he was drunk one night. I don't know if I should believe him when he is like that because everyone says it doesn't count if he's drinking. The thing is I think thats the only time he can open up... its hard for him to express how he feels. How do I tell what he wants? I don't want to have to guess and then get it all wrong. We were talking about him dating (I'm sure I brought it up) because I said I was never to sure if I should call and he said he wasn't dating anyone and couldn't I tell that from what he told me after we first starting hanging out again? He said I should just call... so I did.. I'm just going to try and forget it though... I'm sure he'll call and I'll just observe .. maybe build up that wall alittle bit and try and not be so available! I just hope I can do it

 

 

Just a quick question? Does he drink a lot? It seems like he's drunk a bit and do you really need this in your life?

[pickingupthepieces]

Yeah he does.. and you know what? NO I don't! (need that in my life)

[LikeCharlotte]

Anytime PUP... I'm glad i can help you even if I can't help me. You can do this. Just hold your ground. It's not going to be easy but at this point it's not going to be easy no matter what happens.

The thing is I have NO idea how he feels.. except for the I love yous and confessions of that he doesn't know what to do and he wants to marry me. Which came out when he was drunk one night. I don't know if I should believe him when he is like that because everyone says it doesn't count if he's drinking. The thing is I think thats the only time he can open up... its hard for him to express how he feels. How do I tell what he wants?

Oh, I know the drunk confession all too well. It is probably the truth (or a reasonable facsimile) because alcohol reduces inhibitions but its not a good thing that he had trouble expressing this sober. The sober guy is the only one you should take into account.

 

Another Charlotte story...

One night the ex was drunk at a party and he broke down. I never saw him like this before or since. It was very eye opening. I would have always thought the wrong way about his actions if I didn't remember the drunk things he said. I got a little peak into what what going on in his head. I saw his fears and anxiety up close. I never used that against him and I've only ever used it as a comfort. He was afraid of me, of us, of not being enough, that I couldn't possibly really love him. It was all irrational and later he rationalized and masked some of it with anger. I know at that time he couldn't believe that I loved him and in all likelihood he thinks that I never did and that any declaration of commitment or love was made to manipulate him or something awful like that.

 

Whatever... what I'm trying to say is that I could see that he had issues if he didn't believe he was loved or good enough, even for a minute. I never minded that but it helped me later on to know that underneath his exterior fear and withdrawl there were things at work that he wasn't ready to face. I wish him love and luck but with some distance and perspective I see that nothing I could have done would have changed a thing. Those things were inside him in a place I'd never touch again.

 

Drunk confession has merit but its dangerous and you want this from the sober man or it means nothing.

[pickingupthepieces]

I have had ALOT of drunk confessions... from him... I mean sobbing, a wreck kind of confessions and I never knew if I should believe them or not. Everytime he gets like that I can't help but hug him.... he seems like this weak little boy. He had these confessions shortly after out month or so of NC, I think he just "broke". Since then we have talked alittle about our R but I try and keep it light... I don't want to have negativity between us. I am thinking that since he already told me how he still loves me etc.. that I understand. I don't though, I have questions.. and have always been one who has needed constant reassurance... (i'm sure you can ALL tell that from my repetative threads.. and constant questions.. sorry.. I don't MEAN to be like that!). So I suppose thats why I brought up the whole dating thing... I just wanted to make sure he still wasn't me.. LOL how AWFUL is that!?! That's horrible now that I come to think of it. Many times I have had a little "peak" also... I just always questioned it.. I think because of low self esteem on my part.. I couldn't figure out how he could love me like that... or believe how he felt about ALOT of things in his life.. he can hide things easily... he even told me the other day.. anyone can ACT happy... I do get alot oof sober I love you's and feelings just nothing as detailed as the drunk confessions. He has said that I am the only one he can ever talk to... I haven't decided if thats a good thing or not yet..... I'm going to give myself a couple of days to clear my head and not talk to him.. maybe I'll catch up with him later in the week, this everyday thing has really gotten to me.....

[FloraPost]

All I can offer is that I rarely listen to what my ex says anymore. 22 years of broken dreams finally got that through my head. In my situation, watching actions and behaviors is far more of an indicator as to what is going on with him, what he is really choosing.

 

And those actions are why he is my STBXH.