Is it running away?

[kittensmittens]

Right now, I'm living in a very tiny town that I simply do NOT like. I never have. I started dating my ex just before moving there....about a year and a half later he moved there to live w/ me. He was the only thing that made living there bearable. It's not a place that I "click" with and I was comfortable in my little bubble there w/ him, the one person who really understood me (or so it seemed). Now, I still don't like it there and as far as I'm concerned that place is hell on earth. I'm constantly a nervous wreck, terrified I'll run into my ex and his new gf somewhere...there's ONE of everything in that town so it's bound to happen. Everywhere I turn, I'm reminded of the life we had together. And they're just around the corner somewhere.

 

Why am I still there? School. I have 2 more years. It's all I can do to get through these last 3 weeks of the semester. I already almost dropped out at the beginning of the semester and again the other day. I can't deal with this pain and it seems being there is making it much more difficult. Is this dumb?

 

I'm thinking about just taking a break next semester, moving home for a little bit to maybe recover some, or moving away somewhere else...I don't know. But I would like to transfer to another school in a place I actually WANT to live. The only thing is.....that takes more money (right now I'm going to a school in-state....the only other schools I would go to which are accredited for my field are out of state or private schools, also out of state--therefore, much higher tuition). I might also lose a few credits which would add on to the time it takes to finish school, and there would also be a gap before starting up somewhere new....which would also add on more time. I'm about to be 25. I changed majors, so I've been in school since I was 18. I'm definitely ready to be done w/ school. But b/c I've been so unhappy where I am, I already had to drop one class this semester, which wil now set me back a whole semester. I'm losing time and money anyway. So I really don't know what to do. I just hate it here. I feel like I need a whole new evironment to be able to move forward in my life, somewhere I actually want to be and that doesn't remind me of my past (and the terrible present).

 

Am I just being dumb? I know of people who have done this....but they were already done with school. Running off is a little more impractical in my situation. But are there ever times when you should just say 'f*ck it...things have a way of working out'? I'm really unhappy there. Should I just suck it up and tough it out? Or are there times that this does more harm than good?

[Ocean-Blue]

Right now, I'm living in a very tiny town that I simply do NOT like. I never have. I started dating my ex just before moving there....about a year and a half later he moved there to live w/ me. He was the only thing that made living there bearable. It's not a place that I "click" with and I was comfortable in my little bubble there w/ him, the one person who really understood me (or so it seemed). Now, I still don't like it there and as far as I'm concerned that place is hell on earth. I'm constantly a nervous wreck, terrified I'll run into my ex and his new gf somewhere...there's ONE of everything in that town so it's bound to happen. Everywhere I turn, I'm reminded of the life we had together. And they're just around the corner somewhere.

 

Why am I still there? School. I have 2 more years. It's all I can do to get through these last 3 weeks of the semester. I already almost dropped out at the beginning of the semester and again the other day. I can't deal with this pain and it seems being there is making it much more difficult. Is this dumb?

 

I'm thinking about just taking a break next semester, moving home for a little bit to maybe recover some, or moving away somewhere else...I don't know. But I would like to transfer to another school in a place I actually WANT to live. The only thing is.....that takes more money (right now I'm going to a school in-state....the only other schools I would go to which are accredited for my field are out of state or private schools, also out of state--therefore, much higher tuition). I might also lose a few credits which would add on to the time it takes to finish school, and there would also be a gap before starting up somewhere new....which would also add on more time. I'm about to be 25. I changed majors, so I've been in school since I was 18. I'm definitely ready to be done w/ school. But b/c I've been so unhappy where I am, I already had to drop one class this semester, which wil now set me back a whole semester. I'm losing time and money anyway. So I really don't know what to do. I just hate it here. I feel like I need a whole new evironment to be able to move forward in my life, somewhere I actually want to be and that doesn't remind me of my past (and the terrible present).

 

Am I just being dumb? I know of people who have done this....but they were already done with school. Running off is a little more impractical in my situation. But are there ever times when you should just say 'f*ck it...things have a way of working out'? I'm really unhappy there. Should I just suck it up and tough it out? Or are there times that this does more harm than good?

 

You need to evaluate your finances to see if it's feasible. I don't think it's cowardly to want a fresh start. No one wants to run into their ex and his new gf.

 

As for school, don't let your gpa suffer because of this. Perhaps a change of scene would do you good. Can you talk to an academic counselor? How about family?

[kittensmittens]

My family seems to think I need to just get out of here, though they have been pushing me to stick it out the rest of this semester.

 

I still feel like I am being cowardly, or weak, or immature or something. I know heartache is (usually) temporary (at, least I hope!!).....so I just feel like I'm being silly and making things more complicated for myself.

 

As it is right now though, I come home every weekend (2 hours away) and completely dread going back there during the week. It takes every ounce of will power just to get in the car and go back. I don't feel like I can make myself comfortable there...make it "my" town, while I'm there. It was already "our" town and now it's "their" town. But again...I just feel like I'm being dumb.

 

And another complication is that, during the gap that I would not be in school (between schools), I would lose my health insurance and I would have to start paying back student loans.

 

I guess I'm just not sure if running away would be giving up on myself or taking care of myself.

[Ocean-Blue]

My family seems to think I need to just get out of here, though they have been pushing me to stick it out the rest of this semester.

 

I still feel like I am being cowardly, or weak, or immature or something. I know heartache is (usually) temporary (at, least I hope!!).....so I just feel like I'm being silly and making things more complicated for myself.

 

As it is right now though, I come home every weekend (2 hours away) and completely dread going back there during the week. It takes every ounce of will power just to get in the car and go back. I don't feel like I can make myself comfortable there...make it "my" town, while I'm there. It was already "our" town and now it's "their" town. But again...I just feel like I'm being dumb.

 

And another complication is that, during the gap that I would not be in school (between schools), I would lose my health insurance and I would have to start paying back student loans.

 

I guess I'm just not sure if running away would be giving up on myself or taking care of myself.

 

So your problem is that you don't feel like this is "your" town. Is there anything you can do about it? Are there classes or special interest groups around? Can you see yourself getting out there and attempting to meet new people?

 

Like I said, you gotta weigh the pros and cons and decide the best course of action.

 

But don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. It's easy to feel isolated and "meh" considering what's happened to you. I say, try to salvage the rest of this term and make plans for the summer (or next term).

 

Good luck to you.

[funkybassplayer]

I felt like this after my breakup, i was gonna sell the house buy a car, i have no freinds in this area, as im a londoner, and spent much time up north with my ex. As time went on, i decided to stick it out a while longer and see if i can build a life here. The last 3 months iv made new freinds, dated, and started collage courses. If you do feel you need to move, perhaps finish off what you have to first, then do it. I know that its not a good idea to make a big choice when your feelin low, but give yourself a little time if your not sure, as b/c as things get better, it becomes much easier.

[sao2]

You don't have to think of it as running away . . . Call it "invoking Murphy's law"

 

I have been planning to move for sometime now. Before even the implosion of my last relationship. When we broke up it only took me a couple of months

to decide it was time to move forward with my plans to move. The last few months I have been doing that. I have been sending applications off and have even started hearing back from a couple. This is surprising because in my line of work hiring tends to be done at a specific time of the year that isn't until early 2008.

 

Anyways sure enough as soon as I had committed myself to the idea of leaving I started seeing some great things about where I am living. Slowly but surely the moments where I could see myself staying have grown, not enough to were I will stay, but enough to think that staying would not be completely horrible. Enough to make me enjoy my time here just a little bit more. Heck I even think I am close to meeting someone I might want to date.

[cant let go]

I am not going to tell you that moving away is a bad idea if you are unhappy. But I will tell you that you can't rely on a town to make you happy, just like you can't rely on other people for it either. If you really are that unhappy with the place where you are perhaps it stems from something deeper inside that you are unhappy with. And this will follow you wherever you go. There may be internal conflicts with yourself that you need to sort out first.

 

I'm in a similar situation. I moved where I am 3 years ago and for the first year I was constantly finding every excuse to go back home. I never felt comfortable here. Then I started to try to meet people and make friends and I found that there actually were people there that I could click with. I had just never allowed myself to try. I put up a wall around me. I met my ex and suddenly felt like I had found home.

 

Now that he left me I'm considering leaving. Well, more than considering, I'm definitely leaving. I have friends here but I have always been the type of person that loves a change and I have wanted to live in as many cities as I could. So now is the perfect time for a change of scenery. However, as much as I would love to just get up and leave today, it's not really feasible.

 

For the past few weeks dealing with this break up, I have wanted to just "run away". And that's how I felt it was too. But each day I find more strength and it is easier to stay a little longer. My advice would be to not make any decisions based on what you feel in any given moment. You need find the root of your unhappiness and deal with that. You may find that it is much more than your environment. Then again, you may find that it really is that simple. Best of luck to you kittens.