How can I get him to forgive me

[Guest]

My boyfriend and I of five years have been "broken up" since june. But durnig this break up we would frequently hang out and sleep together and act as if we were together. but at one point I found out he had sleept with another girl while he was sleeping with me. Now this was a big deal not because it was cheating cause technically it was not but it was a big deal because he did not tell me and we were having unprotected sex. He said he was not lying because I did not ask, and when I asked he did tell me but still it was wrong to keep it from me when we were sleeping together.

 

Any way i became very jelous and distrusting to the pint where i got so low that i began to check his voice mail because i had the pasword. Him and i were suppose to go away one saterday night to the beach then he cancelledsaying he wasgoing to gowith jsut his friends. I got suupicious and i checked the voice mails. I heard one message form a girl saying she was sorry she could not come away with him and would call him later in the week. I flipped out and called him asking who she was.He reasured me he had nothing to do with her but he couldnt tell me who she was. So and we gotb ack together that night afte 3 months of being "broken up". And we really talked everything out all about my jelousy and our problems and I was so happy and he was as well I felt great,but deep down i knew i lied. but the next night it went down hill.

 

Since I I made up a lie about where i heard the information i learned about through his voice mail about saying that i heard it from a friend who i named. It turns out the girl on his voice mail really had nothing to do with him it was someone his friend was cheating on his gf with. So i lied about nothing, i over reacted when i should have trusted him. SO his friend called the girl i said told me the information and flipped out on her. So basically i got found out because i made up that i heard it from a girl who had nothing to dowith it . My ex also set me up saying he went to verizon and found out i checked the voice mail so i confessed. He could not beleive i had done that to him.

 

So i lied right to my boyfirends face and went behind his back to get information. I mean im sure you can see why i did not trust him because he had slept with someone behind my back, but does anyone think we can just forgive each other for these mistakes and move on or am i psychotic ?

[saf]

oh fur gawds sake. yur not psycho - if you want to be with him, just forget it and go on. Who cares if you checked out what was going on. ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

[Heavenseventeen]

I'll answer as I go along:

 

1. Having unprotected sex- you shouldn't regret it just because you could get an STD/STI from him or his many other women, but because it is bad in general. What if you had gotten pregnant?

 

2. Why would you "act" like you are together? Whose idea was this? Either you should be with him as a couple, or friends. Only having sex together is not a good idea. Eventually someone (I think it will be you) will end having true feelings like a couple would. It is not a good idea. You were hurt because you guys were sleeping together, yet earlier on you said it was no big deal because it was not "officially" cheating. You need to admit that you want him, but he only wants you on HIS terms- not fair- not right- noth worth it.

 

3. You cannot waste the rest of your time checking his phone, computer, whatever. You should be able to just trust him. If you can't, it's not worth it.

 

4. You're not crazy. But it feels stupid to me (no offence). He cheated on you and you forgave him, so why can't he do the same for you (especially when the crime wasn't as bad as his)?

 

You should move on. The amount of times you've broken up shows that it is probably not meant to be. If you are determined to make it work, then maybe some space will do you both good.

 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

[Guest]

Hey well i feel better knowing that people out side of the situation dont think i am crazy orpsychotic, beacuse i felt really low about the lie and checking the voice mails. But How do I get him to take me back ? should i wait like a few months and see how i feel or is there a good way to persue him> ?<

[norajane]

Why do you care if he forgives you? Why do you want him?

 

Here's the thing, if a guy can't make up his mind whether he wants to be with you or not, then he's not as into you as you are into him, and that is just a waste of your precious time and emotions.

 

I'd suggest forgetting about him altogether. You dated for 5 years and broke up...there was a reason for that, and it's probably still an important one. Start fresh with someone who won't give you any reason to wonder if he's lying - or lying by omission - and who isn't having sex with other people and who isn't making you feel like you need his forgiveness.

 

It's SOOO much better when there isn't drama like this.

[TattooedPrincess]

My boyfriend and I of five years have been "broken up" since june. But durnig this break up we would frequently hang out and sleep together and act as if we were together.

 

In other words you went from being his girlfriend to a booty call!!!

but at one point I found out he had sleept with another girl while he was sleeping with me.

 

Yea? So what! You two are no longer together. You just basicly said yes to being a friend with extra benefits!

 

Now this was a big deal not because it was cheating cause technically it was not but it was a big deal because he did not tell me and we were having unprotected sex.

 

Okay for one. He does not owe to tell you anything anymore. You are no longer his girlfriend. You became his friend and friends don't tell each other EVERYTHING! unless they feel like it. That is the great thing about friends but you had to sweet'n the deal that you seem not to mind to hump around with him.

 

He said he was not lying because I did not ask, and when I asked he did tell me but still it was wrong to keep it from me when we were sleeping together.

 

Uh no! it wasn't wrong. Sorry. You are not his wife nor do you claim to be his girlfriend anymore. He has no ties to you or owe you a thing.

 

 

Any way i became very jelous and distrusting to the pint where i got so low that i began to check his voice mail because i had the pasword.

 

You had no business!

 

 

Him and i were suppose to go away one saterday night to the beach then he cancelledsaying he wasgoing to gowith jsut his friends. I got suupicious and i checked the voice mails.

 

you are not even his girlfriend anymore and you got suspicious?

 

I think after the break up you really never let him go and all he did is toy you alone. He already knew what he could get out of you and why not ? you gave it? it is there free for the taking.

I heard one message form a girl saying she was sorry she could not come away with him and would call him later in the week. I flipped out and called him asking who she was.He reasured me he had nothing to do with her but he couldnt tell me who she was.

 

So and we gotb ack together that night afte 3 months of being "broken up". And we really talked everything out all about my jelousy and our problems and I was so happy and he was as well I felt great,but deep down i knew i lied. but the next night it went down hill.

 

Since I I made up a lie about where i heard the information i learned about through his voice mail about saying that i heard it from a friend who i named. It turns out the girl on his voice mail really had nothing to do with him it was someone his friend was cheating on his gf with. So i lied about nothing, i over reacted when i should have trusted him. SO his friend called the girl i said told me the information and flipped out on her. So basically i got found out because i made up that i heard it from a girl who had nothing to dowith it . My ex also set me up saying he went to verizon and found out i checked the voice mail so i confessed. He could not beleive i had done that to him.

 

So i lied right to my boyfirends face and went behind his back to get information.

 

Lies can kill a realtionship and friendship. Learn from it.

 

I mean im sure you can see why i did not trust him because he had slept with someone behind my back,

 

He had slept with someone while you two broked up and you are the one who decided to give extra benefits at the time. No sorry I do not see why on your point of view. It is a rediculous game you are playing.

 

but does anyone think we can just forgive each other for these mistakes and move on or am i psychotic ?

 

To much damage been done. Learn from your mistakes and find someone new.

 

[Guest]

tatooed princess i understand what you mean but does any one beleive in the fact that I love him wiht all my heart and just can not see myself with out him. We have done some very immature things to each other but through it all i cant hate him and he cant hate me. Is there any way two people can work through all of this and love one another again. I cant go on thinking hes really gone.