Abercrombie Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 And if so did the friendship workout? Did it turn into more? Im curious to see if anyone has been friends with an ex and then gotten back with them down the road, or just stayed good friends? Link to post Share on other sites
thekhris Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 After a som1 dumps you and you begin to move on with your life, she feels unwanted, undesireable, and jealous of any other woman who feels wanted and desired by you. She's doing what's natural to make those feelings go away: she's pursuing you! . This is why men get thrown into the "Friend Zone" after a breakup - because she can't handle the emotional shaking of completely cutting ties. The "Friend Zone" is a neutral area where she still has control over you and how you affect her emotions without actually being in a relationship. When you're stuck in this neutral zone, she can have her cake and eat it by screwing any guy she likes while keeping you from disrupting her emotional equalibrium... Its ok to accept friendship but (for word only just being polite but dont actually do it)... Link to post Share on other sites
MrPot Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I guess I'll have to tell you later. My gf broke up with me over two months ago and we decided to stay friends and mostly succeeded. I found out she lied about something trivial a few days ago and ignored my calls. I'm fairly certain she's seeing her deadbeat ex before me again. For reasons beyond jealousy which I won't even get into right now, I've decided that we can't be friends anymore, at least for now. This resulted in her calling me 6 times in about a half hour and leaving me an angry text earlier. I don't know how this is going to turn out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Shattered Heart Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Okay. This is an easy one. It is possible (and I use that word loosely) to remain friends with an ex. But one area where this DOES NOT work is when the dumpee is still harboring feelings for the ex. People told me this when my ex broke up with me, and I was so defiant, telling them that I WILL remain friends with her. Well, I really did want to remain friends with her, but the truth is that I was still in love with her and, in time, EVENTUALLY realized that remaining in contact with her was actually keeping me from healing properly. Yes, it sounds great in theory...being "friends" with the one person who once meant the world to you...but once your mind slowly begins to process the harsh reality that she is no longer with you and probably won't be coming back to you, you start to sing a different tune. Trust me on this one. I've experienced it firsthand. And now it's killing her that I'm no longer responding to each e-mail she sends me. Now, if you're as stubborn as I am, you're going to do what you want anyway. So being that you'll "try" to be her friend, it may work out in the short run, but unless your feelings for her drift away completely, you'll most likely end up never talking to her again. And that might not be such a bad thing after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Mollyanna Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I have 2 ex's that I get along with very well. We talk on the phone every week. But they were both very short term relationships (1-2 months). One of them, we tried several times to get back together but it never felt right. I had an ex a couple of years ago that turned into a nightmare. I loved him. We were on and off and on and off for a year and a half. Some of it boyfriend/girlfriend, then to friends, quickly to lead to FWB, and then back to boyfriend/girlfriend. and the cycle continued. Then he cheated on me and took off with the local town's drunken wh*re. (I knew her and hated her for years before he ever knew her). It was the worst period of my life. We no longer have contact. Now I am on a "break" with my X but we are trying to be friends during it. that's not working so well... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Abercrombie Posted August 8, 2006 Author Share Posted August 8, 2006 Keep in mind that I do not love this girl. I like her, not love her. However I have alot going on in my life that I need to work on. I still want to be friends with her. And who knows, if down the road something sparks, so be it. I will pursue her. She isn't the kind to just brush me off. We were only in a two month relationship. And she just got out of a 3 year relationship from hell right before we met. She just wants to be single and enjoy her friends/summer. Plus she has alot of other things going on. She works alot and is getting a second job plus school. I know that I may have been an ego boost for her and thats ok. But I do like her as a person and will keep trying to pursue her until I've tryed enough. If after then we can not work something out, then I will quit. Link to post Share on other sites
Kittiecat Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I called it quits with a guy after about 4 months, and we remaind friends -- with benefits. It worked out relatively well. Again, we had benefits...so that may have had something to do with it. It was mutually benficical. Link to post Share on other sites
Shattered Heart Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Abercrombie - I like the road you're headed down. You want to take it slow and see what develops, if anything. What many people fail to realize is that a major factor of a lasting romantic relationship is "friendship". You must become friends with that person first...if not best friends. The romantic part will follow, assuming both parties feel a mutual chemistry. It's rare (it can happen) for a romantic relationship to be successful by being lovers first, followed by friendship (this factor by itself probably accounts for a ton of failed marriages). Sure you can establish a friendship during the dating process, but once feelings are involved and someone breaks up with the other person, the friendship part usually eventually dies as well. So the fact that you want to get to know one another, become friends first, and THEN see what develops from there...well, that's probably the smartest thing anyone can do. I, myself, have been putting that theory into practice. Doing it any other way is not worth the risk of a broken heart. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnytable Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 If you have been in love together, then I don't think that you can really be friends. Otherwise if there is no love and it is short term, I'm not sure as I haven't tried that... but I think it would be possible. Link to post Share on other sites
MrPot Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Shattered Heart, you described dead-on what I went through. Link to post Share on other sites
Rudy Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I was the dumpee. She said she no longer wanted a relationship with me and just wanted to be friends. I accepted those terms yet she is still just as distant (if not more) as she was the last month of our relationship. As a result, I have given her the space she evidentally needs and moved on. Only she knows what she is thinking and why she is acting this way. I don't deserve to be treated this way and can do much better. To answer your question, yes, you can be friends but both parties need to accept that fact and realize that is all it will ever be. If one side has more expectations than the other, usually it will not work. Best of luck to everyone in this forum. Time does help. I am not sure you ever totally forget or fully recover from this kind of pain but time does help. Link to post Share on other sites
Diver012 Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 The friends before dating idea is a noble one, but I have also had that used in the past as Were to good of friends to date. There are some people that just wont go there. I really dont think I have ever been friends with some before I dated them. Thats not for lack of trying, its just not the way my relationships have happened. I wasnt friends with my most recent Ex, but we were co-workers. We still are although we rarely speak to eachother. I used to stop by her office just to shoot the *****, that does not happen anymore. It also will not be happening in the near future. The bottom line for me atleast is that it is possible, but it does take a lot of work and feelings on both sides need to be resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
LaraV Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I had a very intense relationship with a man once that lasted for six months. I was the one to break up with him, and about two years later he contacted me with the revelation that he was ready to be my friend. I "keep in touch" with him occassionally. Honestly, I wouldn't really consider myself his friend. I think there's something about our conversation that feels too prescripted/too artificial to really be considered "friendship" - so while I would introduce him as "my friend," I don't really consider him a "true" friend if that makes any sense.... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I was the dumpee 7 months ago, and he asked if we could still be friends. I agreed, and continued the horrid process of getting through the break-up. About two months ago, I finally accepted it. Even up until that moment, we were on the best of terms. After reading some of the comments on here, I definitely see myself in some. And I am wondering if my ex is on here, because one person sounds just like what he would say. Link to post Share on other sites
JaneInVegas Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I've tried it several times ... it usually works out well for a short while. It always seems like one or the other had really wanted to say, "I wanted to label it FRIENDS to make you happy, but I really wanted a lot more." When the other becomes confused, a fight ensued, and every form of the relationship was trashed. Speaking from my own personal experience, once you've had a love connection, it's all or nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 I tried it once and got burned. It could be possible if your relationship lasted long enough to really get to know the other person inside and out but I don't recommend it otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
sexyLMC Posted August 16, 2006 Share Posted August 16, 2006 i have.. and we broke up again..lol.. but were still great friends now.. i usually try to stay friends will all my ex's.. even my ex fiancee( wasnt really serous just young love ) were good friends talk everyday e.c.t we even go out on the pull together.. i think it depends on the type of person u are .. x Link to post Share on other sites
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