Can't stop thinking about her

[longcut11]

I posted a thread a few weeks ago about my break up with my girlfriend of 7 years. I was very upset and didn't know what to do. I was saying how I hated the internet because I know to much about what she is doing. With myspace and facebook and instant messaging. Well for the last couple of weeks I have been pretty stong and have a lot of self control and I erased her from my instant messenger and I haven't looked at her myspace. And then tonight for some reason I decided to check her myspace page. And just as I feared I was very upset at what I saw. Pictures of her with other guys and messages about her partying and whatnot. What bothers me is the fact that while we were together we both talked about going out and drinking all the time and we both seemed to agree that we weren't really like that. We really weren't the partying types. We would go out from time to time, but didn't go out as much as some of our other friends. What bothers me is it seems as though she is a completely different person. We haven't talked for almost 3 months and everyday I wait for her to call me, which I'm sure she won't. But nevertheless I still wait for her call to tell me she wants to be with me. And the confusing and frustrating part is, I'm not sure I would even go back out with her. Not only because of the problems we had while we were together but also because of the way she is acting now. I don't really know what this post is about, I'm not really looking for any questions to be answered, just wanted to get it out that I'm really bothered by all this. I just hate this feeling of waiting and wanting.

[RealBroken]

All i can say is i know how you feel ) :

 

I'm finding it very hard to move on too and it sucks.

 

My ex is with someone else though, so hurting really bad and not understanding much.

 

Sorry man.

[longcut11]

thanks for the support. it just sucks thinking about all this, especially her with someone else. And the worst part is, the guys she has been hanging out with are old "friends" of mine. Its very frustrating because on top of being angry and hurt I'm also jealous because she is out having the time of her life while I'm in my room feeling sorry for myself. It feels like life is a big party and I wasn't invited. I don't know, it just sucks feeling this way and I'm tired of feeling like nothing is ever going to get better, it seems like I'll feel this way forever.

[Shana555]

What bothers me is the fact that while we were together we both talked about going out and drinking all the time and we both seemed to agree that we weren't really like that. We really weren't the partying types. We would go out from time to time, but didn't go out as much as some of our other friends. What bothers me is it seems as though she is a completely different person. We haven't talked for almost 3 months and everyday I wait for her to call me, which I'm sure she won't. But nevertheless I still wait for her call to tell me she wants to be with me. And the confusing and frustrating part is, I'm not sure I would even go back out with her. Not only because of the problems we had while we were together but also because of the way she is acting now.

 

I am going through something similar on both of your sides. I hope I can help a little as peoples stories replying to me helped me! My ex of 5 years and I broke up about 3 weeks ago. I didn’t do much for the first week because I was really so upset I didn’t want to do much. I was always in contact with him. Then I decided I can’t sit around my house and sulk all summer, so I started calling up friends and went out with them whenever they were doing something.

 

My ex and I also agreed that we are not big partiers. We would go out for dinner or for a drink on the occasion or I liked to have a couple glasses of wine when I would spend the night, but that’s it. It’s not that I’ve changed or I’m trying to make him jealous, really it’s the only way I can stop thinking about him. It’s 6:00am.. I’ve slept about an hour and half all night. It drives me nuts that I sit up and think. I can’t wait to get out of the house today so I can get my mind onto something else.

 

Maybe this is why your ex also changed and is going out partying. Because it is too much pain to be home constantly thinking about you. Maybe she did change for the worse, but you would know her best after 7 years. If that is the case, then it’s better that you move on. But I don’t see how somebody could change that quickly.

 

Anyway, when I started going out and partying with friends he suddenly stopped calling. We have pretty much all mutual friends. I’m like your ex in a way, I am usually out with just his guy friends. But that is because I lost touch with so many of my old friends and over the years I became really close with his, but I am working on repairing my old friendships. Even when I go out with just my friends I always seem to bump into his. So he pretty much always knows what I’m doing. It has been 6 days since we last talked.

 

I haven’t called him because he was the one that broke up with me so I’m not going to chase him. I didn't read about your break up yet, so I'm not sure how you guys ended things. You are waiting for her to call, but she may be thinking the same think about you. I go out and have a good time, but go home and most nights have dreams about him. I wake up thinking about just him and check my phone to see if he called.

 

Try not to torture yourself over this. But I have to admit, I have the same feeling as you ‘I just hate this feeling of waiting and wanting’. I too feel like it will never get better, but if you look at others out there you see that it will. I have seen so many people I know hit rock bottom because of a disaster breakup or divorce, but they all came out stronger and are now with people that are 100 times better then what they thought they ‘lost’. We deserve this and this day will come for us too. You sound very strong and like you have a great heart so I know you will come out way on top.

 

Stay strong, keep busy doing things that made you happy before you were in a relationship, and keep posting!

[GW7147]

Longcut,

Sorry to hear your having a difficult time. I know exactly how you feel. My ex broke up with me in the middle of April and I've been NC for almost the entire time. I too have times when I'll check my voicemail at work or email messages to see if she came around. Of course, she hasn't. It's wierd, I'm strong enough to stick to NC but can't totally shake her. I'm pretty certain I wouldn't take my ex back but, I think we want to hear from them just to feel as if they are thinking about us or know they haven't totally moved on and forgotten about us. You say, she's out having the time of her life while you're in your room feeling sorry for yourself.

I think us dumpees tend to glamorize our exes and paint a picture that they're on top of the world. I think that about my ex once in awhile. Fact of the matter is, if I think realistically about it, I doubt that's the case. She has 2 kids and they are nothing but trouble. Six days after she and I broke up, her 15 year old son got popped for breaking into his high school one night and stealing a bunch of stuff. Of course, he got caught and was facing expulsion and his friends who are a little older are still sitting in jail. (I stop and think....maybe I am better off being out of that relationship) So, it's almost a guarantee, your ex isn't doing as fabulous as you probably think. Maybe she posted those pictures knowing you'd probably see them and she's trying to get under your skin or make you feel jealous. I would think if she typically isn't a party person, she's just trying to be something she's not to make herself feel different (better). It probably won't last because it's not her nature.

Eventhough I feel some of the same things as you with respect to my ex, I can honestly say, when I go hang out with a handful of people, I do feel better. I actually make it a point to get out of the house. I would go stir crazy sitting here at home. That's when I feel like I'm missing out on something or life's passing me by. I need to be around people for some social interaction and to get my mind off things for a while. I went out 2 weeks ago and hung out 3-4 people. We laughed so hard, my stomach actually hurt. When I got home that night, I actually felt pretty good. I thought to myself, I hadn't laughed like that with my ex in some time. I began to think maybe I'm happier without her???

Get yourself out of the house, hang with some frinds or, at the very least, go for a walk, ride a bike, work out, golf....whatever. I guarantee, you'll feel better. You'll still think about things but, it won't be as intense and you'll feel better about you. Hang in there brother....things are going to be O.K.!!

Regards, GW

[donpepot]

dont dwell on your past

[Pantero]

She's living it up so why aren't you?

[guest_guest]

i understand what you're saying...me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago...he's now with a new girl, and both are having myspace...i cannot help myself to check things out...i have myspace too...i opened it actually at the end of relationship cause i couldnt stand this girl comments on his...unfortunatelly i didnt know that i cant send any comments when im not a friend...anyway... we broke up and i was never his friend on myspace.... i was gonna delete my profile but then i found a few people that i know in my real life and we stay in touch like this....there is also one guy...he left me a comment last week so somebody can think that we are close .... we are not yet.... and then like out of the blue...few days ago im getting message from my ex that he likes my new pics... i didnt respond...next day he commented my blog....i didnt do anything...but then next day i commented his blog...of course he deleted it cause if SHE sees it she would be pissed....and then he commentes my blog again and again... i commnted his and left home... and this is it... i know that they are having a problems (thanks myspace ... but im talking to this new guy and i dont really care now about my ex that much...im still checking his space but i dont think i want him back anymore... i thought like you all did that my ex forgot about me...but he didnt... so for sure none of your exs forgot...just move on and be happy... this is not what your ex wants to see....the sweetest revenge is a happy life.....and actually you never know what life brings

[richardcruz]

Technology does make things worse. I had the same problem with my ex g/f.

I know its her fault at the end of the day but for some reason, I really have a deep rooted hate for my space (misdirected hate I know) and vowed never to log in anymore, let alone ever make my own page. I too made the mistake of checking her page. She wasn't a party girl and would always tell me that she was over all that, yet as soon as she broke up with me, she started partying and the pics on her page infuriated me. After that, I stopped checking because I am only hurting myself seeing all of that. I pretty much now just assume now that she is with someone and her page is full of pics of them together and that she is never coming back. This does two things for me: 1) It keeps me from checking her page because that would hurt to much to see something like that. 2) It keeps me from thinking that one day she will come back because that kind of thinking makes me hurt even more. Don't get me wrong though, alot of us deep down inside do wish our lost love would comeback including me, but its almost as if I just have to shut those feelings off to reduce the pain a bit. Unfortunately after my whole ordeal, I live by the motto "hope for the best, prepare for the worst." To be honest with you, this is one of the toughest things I have had to go through in my adult life. I completely trusted my ex with my heart and I truly thought she would be the last person on the face of the planet to hurt me. She was "the one" to me but I was so wrong. I hope you find some comfort knowing that your not alone and that a good majority of us here are also suffering from a broken heart.

Stay Strong

[Guest]

I am trying hard to get over a girl I know won't work in the long run. We had a perfect break up in the sense that there was never any anger involved, which almost makes it more difficult.

 

She is 900 miles away and starting a career. After a month apart she has already accepted being without me and is convinced that she doesn't love me anymore. She was my best friend and support for 4 years.

 

I feel like the jackass because I call her everyday to hear her voice. We talk, get a little frustrated, and cry for 2 hours everynight on the phone. She is starting to become interested in a guy that is everything she ever wanted me to be. I know the best thing would be to forget about her and move on, but what does that say about our 4years together if I can do that so easily?

 

I have no reliable friends to fall back on, no career to pursue, sitting in a quiet room waiting for her to get off work and call me is the worst thing in the world. I have regrets about everything: that we didnt try to work it out before she moved because we were too scared to talk about it.

 

I still live in the town where we lived 4 years, so everything reminds me of her. I know how you feel.

[Guest]

I'm in the same position also!! Went out with a girl for 2 years had had a great relationship!! She told me she did'nt love me anymore and like you guys i was heartbroken!! That was one year ago. I'm getting better now but still not fully recovered. I called her everyday to just to hear her voice as i to was living quite a distance away from her. As`much as i longed to hear her voice and it somehow brought me a bit of comfort for a few mins i knew it was hurting me. What i did'nt know at the time was that nothing was ever gonna change her mind. I was giving emotion and not recieving it back. I was pushing her further and further away. Eventually we stopped our everyday contact and things eased slighty till i soon found myself counting down the days till we spoke or sent each other text messgaes again.....i was'nt getting any better until 2 weeks ago when i finally stopped calling and texting. It was hard let me tell you but finally i can see light at the end of the tunnel. I never told her i wanted to end contact i just done it myself. She's tryed to email me twice in the last 2 weeks and i have'nt responded and i won't till i feel strong enough. I know that sounds cold and you guys are thinking that you could never do that but believe me i was in the same position up till 2 weeks ago!! It hurt like hell to do it and it still dose but you gotta think of yourself now! No contact is best. By staying in contact when your hurting your only prolonging the pain. Best to deal with it now!! I'm looking to the future now and hopefully gonna move on. I know there's a lot sadness ahead in the next few weeks but i'm gonna get through it and you guys will to. But believe me No contact is the only way your gonna heal your broken heart....