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GIGS? Emotional immaturity? !

Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

Old 6th March 2018, 8:45 PM   #1
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GIGS? Emotional immaturity? !

Ex-gf and I of 4 years broke up last Sunday. We met in college when she was 18, I was 22. Shared two dogs together as well, and mostly lived with each other throughout college. As I graduated I got a job, and soon got my own place in which she stayed with me for 6 months before graduating herself. She comes from a pretty well-off family, with her dad having his own business and them traveling to many countries and going back overseas to home every summer as well. She was offered a job from her dad after graduation, but she was forced to move back home as well.

We were in love pretty much the first 3 years as we both aren't particularly crazy social people and we enjoyed exploring and spending time with each other mostly. We would get into fights occasionally, and she wasn't much of the communicative type, mostly avoiding confrontation, whereas I would always want to talk about problems. During our biggest fights she would walk out and not deal with the problems, and towards the last year we had 3 major fights in which she walked out of all the arguments.

She felt more distant this last year leading to the breakup. Affection levels died down, she stopped saying I love you, and sex decreased. She complained often that she wasn't happy living at home, and her mom had issues with her coming over on weekends to stay at my place (traditional asian mom). I would ALWAYS be the one backing down my pride during our fights this past year, and when we came and talked I would do most of the talking, while she sat to hear what she wanted to hear from me, then she would chime in and give us another 'chance'.

Our second to last fight led her to finally tell me that she didn't see me as a man that could 'take care of her', mostly because she questioned my character and how I dealt with her when she would be dealing with stuff, me being in public with her friends, etc. I do admit I tend to be reactive sometimes when I felt that she would get mad at small things, and she told me she "didn't need me to get mad or annoyed at her while she was mad at the same time". She needed me to treat her nicely, and to let her be how she wanted to be. Then when the anger subsided, she would come around. I was certain she was ready to break things off with me after this fight, but 5 days later we came around and ended up chatting for 4 hours on how we could communicate better, something I had been waiting for this whole time in our relationship. She texted me the next day saying she felt great about talking to me, and that she couldn't agree more about how we should approach things.

A week and a half later, she finally broke things off with me last week over another small incident in which she walked out again. I wanted to let things cool off for a few hours before I reached out, but she complained that it took me that long and I that she felt I didn't 'care about the relationship' any more and that she was done feeling unimportant. When she told me we shouldn't be together anymore, I reluctantly agreed, and said that I still cared for her and loved her, in which she even walked out on me mid-sentence, and that was that.

SORRY for the long post but I have not been well this past week. I am struggling to process everything but I felt that she had been feeling this way for awhile, and the small arguments were her way of leaving. She is 22, still trying to explore and is missing the freedom from her college life and unhappy at home, and I can't help but feel she is putting a lot of the blame on her unhappiness on me, and our relationship. I am not perfect by any means, but I know I never quit on her during any of our fights, I always backed down, and tried to talk and communicate to her, and I never felt she never reciprocated that back to me during our 4 years together.

I miss her and think about her everyday, and am on day 9 of NC. Should I just let her be, let her explore and do her thing, and move on? Or is this GIGS syndrome, and is there any chance of reconciliation? We were each other's best friends throughout this relationship, and its been so hard to accept this breakup for me, since I would never quit on her. Any suggestions appreciated
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Old 6th March 2018, 8:57 PM   #2
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Of course it hurts, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. It may not be the last time you do, either, sad to say.

You're both young, her especially - and lacking experience to give perspective. This relationship probably ran its course for her, but if she discovers otherwise, she'll be in touch. Keep NC unless she does, and work towards moving on. I don't think it's GIGS, and sometimes the grass really is greener elsewhere. She needs to find out for herself, though.
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